漂浮在深淵
中文/高霞
English/ Lily Liu
「在我父親患病的十年間，我感覺自己彷彿漂浮在深淵，或被海浪翻騰， 或被水流沖走，但沒有溺水。」這是戴維斯在2021年發表的新書《漂浮在深淵》(Floating in the Deep End) 中生動形象地描述。
Zài wǒ fùqīn huàn bìng de shí niánjiān, wǒ gǎnjué zìjǐ fǎngfú piāofú zài shēnyuān, huò bèi hǎilàng fānténg, huò bèi shuǐliú chōng zǒu, dàn méiyǒu nìshuǐ.'Zhè shì dài wéi sī zài 2021 nián fābiǎo de xīnshū “piāofú zài shēnyuān”(Floating in the Deep End) zhōng shēngdòng xíngxiàng de miáoshù.
“During the ten years that my father was ill, I felt as if I was floating in the deep end, or being tossed by the waves, or being swept away by the current, but not drowning.” This is vividly described by Davis in her new book, Floating in the Deep End, published in 2021.
2022年1月14日，「北美華文作家協會華府分會」有幸邀請了中英文翻譯家劉綺君(Lily Liu) 女士和帕蒂·戴維斯（Patti Davis）女士就本書進行了一場別開生面的全英文網絡訪談。戴維斯興致勃勃地與大家分享了她的創作心歷路程。 兩位女士精彩的問答給觀眾留下了深刻的印象。
2022 Nián 1 yuè 14 rì,`běiměi huáwén zuòjiā xiéhuì huá fǔ fēnhuì'yǒuxìng yāoqǐngle zhōng yīngwén fānyì jiā liúqǐjūn (Lily Liu) nǚshì hé pà dì·dài wéi sī (Patti Davis) nǚshì jiù běnshū jìnxíngle yīchǎng biékāishēngmiàn de quán yīngwén wǎngluò fǎngtán. Dài wéi sī xìngzhì bóbó de yǔ dàjiā fēnxiǎngle tā de chuàngzuò xīn lì lùchéng. Liǎng wèi nǚshì jīngcǎi de wèndá gěi guānzhòng liú xiàle shēnkè de yìnxiàng.
On January 14, 2022, the "North American Chinese Writers Association Washington DC Chapter" had the honor to invite Chinese>English translator Ms. Lily Liu and Ms. Patti Davis to conduct a unique groundbreaking all-English virtual interview. Davis enthusiastically shared her creative journey with everyone. The wonderful Q&A between the two ladies left a deep impression on the audience.
1994 年，美國第40任總統羅納德·裡根 (Ronald Reagan)宣布他得了阿茨海默氏症 (Alzheimer's Disease 又名老年癡呆)。在此之前，世界上似乎還沒有人談論這種殘酷又神秘的疾病。當裡根總統的女兒戴維斯在得知父親確診後，在照顧他生病的父親期間，就開始執筆，以日記體裁記錄了那段漫長而艱辛的經歷。2004年，她發表了《漫長的告別》一書（The Long Goodbye)， 為喚醒人們對阿爾茨海默氏症和癡呆症認知和了解大有裨益。她成了阿爾茨海默症的代言人，彷彿在一夜之間成名。
1994 Nián, měiguó dì 40 rèn zǒngtǒng luó nà dé·lǐgēn (Ronald Reagan) xuānbù tā déliǎo ā cí hǎi mò shì zhèng (Alzheimer's Disease yòu míng lǎo nián chī dāi). Zài cǐ zhīqián, shìjiè shàng sìhū hái méiyǒu rén tánlùn zhè zhǒng cánkù yòu shénmì de jíbìng. Dāng lǐgēn zǒngtǒng de nǚ'ér dài wéi sī zài dé zhī fùqīn quèzhěn hòu, zài zhàogù tā shēngbìng de fùqīn qíjiān, jiù kāishǐ zhíbǐ, yǐ rìjì tǐcái jìlùle nà duàn màncháng ér jiānxīn de jīnglì.2004 Nián, tā fābiǎole “màncháng de gàobié” yī shū (The Long Goodbye), wèi huànxǐng rénmen duì ā'ěr cí hǎi mò shì zhèng hé chīdāi zhèng rènzhī hé liǎojiě dà yǒu bìyì. Tā chéngle ā'ěr cí hǎi mò zhèng de dàiyánrén, fǎngfú zài yīyè zhī jiān chéngmíng.
In 1994, the 40th President of the United States, Ronald Reagan, announced that he had Alzheimer's Disease also called dementia. Before this, almost no one in the world seemed to be talking about this cruel and mysterious disease. After President Reagan's daughter Davis learned of her father’s diagnosis, and while caring for her ailing father, she began writing, in journal/diary style, of the long and difficult experience. In 2004, she published The Long Goodbye, a book that has been instrumental in raising awareness and understanding of Alzheimer's and dementia. She became a spokesperson about Alzheimer's, seemingly overnight.
她談到在寫完《漫長的告別》之後的這些年裡，當回憶起父親「生命的最後夕陽餘輝時，那些觸動你的心，並喚起你情感的事物總是會觸動你的心，並喚起你的情感。那份感情會永遠在那裡」。這些年，她從許多人身上學到了很多東西。她認為正如生活中的大多數經驗一樣，當我們遠離它時，就會開始思索並整理那些經歷過的事情，就會意識到這些事情是如何滲透到個人生活當中。關於這些日積月累的經歷、見解、教訓，我們就會有更多、更豐富的想法要去表達。《漂浮在深淵》可以說是《漫長的告別》之續集，這兩本書就這麼巧妙地連為一體，可謂姊妹篇，展現給廣大讀者。
Tā tán dào zài xiě wán “màncháng de gàobié” zhīhòu de zhèxiē nián lǐ, dāng huíyì qǐ fùqīn `shēngmìng de zuìhòu xīyáng yú huī shí, nàxiē chùdòng nǐ de xīn, bìng huànqǐ nǐ qínggǎn de shìwù zǒng shì huì chùdòng nǐ de xīn, bìng huànqǐ nǐ de qínggǎn. Nà fèn gǎnqíng huì yǒngyuǎn zài nàlǐ'. Zhèxiē nián, tā cóng xǔduō rénshēn shang xué dàole hěnduō dōngxī. Tā rènwéi zhèngrú shēnghuó zhōng de dà duōshù jīngyàn yīyàng, dāng wǒmen yuǎnlí tā shí, jiù huì kāishǐ sīsuǒ bìng zhěnglǐ nàxiē jīnglìguò de shìqíng, jiù huì yìshí dào zhèxiē shìqíng shì rúhé shèntòu dào gèrén shēnghuó dāngzhōng. Guānyú zhèxiē rìjīyuèlěi de jīnglì, jiànjiě, jiàoxùn, wǒmen jiù huì yǒu gèng duō, gèng fēngfù de xiǎngfǎ yào qù biǎodá.“Piāofú zài shēnyuān” kěyǐ shuō shì “màncháng de gàobié” zhī xùjí, zhè liǎng běnshū jiù zhème qiǎomiào de lián wéi yītǐ, zhǎnxiàn gěi guǎngdà dúzhě.
She talked about the years after writing The Long Goodbye, when recalling her father's "sunset of his life, the things that touch your heart and evoke your emotions are always the things that touch your heart and also arouse your emotions. Those emotions will always be there.” She has learned a lot from many people over the years. She believes that, like most experiences in life, when we move away from it, we start to think about and sort through the things that have been experienced, and realize how these things permeate our personal lives. We will have more and richer ideas to express about these accumulated experiences, insights, and lessons. Floating in the Deep End can be said to be the sequel to The Long Goodbye, and these two books are so subtly linked together, reaching a broad audience.
戴維斯的這本傳記式的散文集，為陷入困境的家庭提供了希望。面對失智的親人，悲傷的情感也會伴隨著病情惡化而逐漸燃燒昇華。她多次提到靈魂，「我相信他們的靈魂沒有生病。我一直試圖通過他的靈魂來看待這種疾病，這就使我不至於陷入絕望。病情日漸嚴重，這時人也已經漂遠了，漂過了他們自己的意識。他們正在失去認知，失去記憶，失去方向，失去他們所熟悉的一切事務。在大多數情況下，他們漂到的地方，静如止水」。
Dài wéi sī de zhè běn zhuànjì shì de sǎnwén jí, wèi xiànrù kùnjìng de jiātíng tígōngle xīwàng. Miàn duì shī zhì de qīnrén, bēishāng de qínggǎn yě huì bàn suí zhuó bìngqíng èhuà ér zhújiàn ránshāo shēnghuá. Tā duō cì tí dào línghún,`wǒ xiāngxìn tāmen de línghún méiyǒu shēngbìng. Wǒ yīzhí shìtú tōngguò tā de línghún lái kàndài zhè zhǒng jíbìng, zhè jiù shǐ wǒ bù zhìyú xiànrù juéwàng. Bìngqíng rìjiàn yánzhòng, zhèshí rén yě yǐjīng piào yuǎnle, piàoguòle tāmen zìjǐ de yìshí. Tāmen zhèngzài shīqù rènzhī, shīqù jìyì, shīqù fāngxiàng, shīqù tāmen suǒ shúxī de yīqiè shìwù. Zài dà duōshù qíngkuàng xià, tāmen piào dào dì dìfāng, jìng rú zhǐ shuǐ'.
Davis's autobiographical collection of essays offers hope to struggling families. In the face of relatives with dementia, the sadness will gradually burn and sublimate as the condition worsens. She refers to the soul many times, she said, "I believe their souls are not sick. I have been trying to see the disease through his soul, which keeps me from falling into despair. As the disease gets worse, the person has drifted away, drifting past their own consciousness. They are losing awareness, losing memory, losing direction, losing everything they are familiar with. In most situations, where they have drifted to is as calm as still water.”
她談到父親生命的最後三年，幾乎一直臥床不起。那時候父親很少說話，幾乎從不說什麼，真的是快到生命的盡頭了。 但有時躺在床上，雙手會像這樣舞動起來。 他的一位護士問到她，「他在做什麼？ 他常常這樣做」。她告訴護士，「他在騎馬， 因為他騎馬的姿勢是英式，用英式是雙手握著韁繩」。「我很確定，我是對的」。 其实，她知道永遠無法確定，但這對她來說，是一個非常合理的猜測。 無論父親漂到哪裡，無論他最終騎到哪裡，他看起來都是那么平靜。
Tā tán dào fùqīn shēngmìng de zuìhòu sān nián, jīhū yīzhí wòchuáng bù qǐ. Nà shíhòu fùqīn hěn shǎo shuōhuà, jīhū cóng bù shuō shénme, zhēn de shì kuài dào shēngmìng de jìntóule. Dàn yǒu shí tǎng zài chuángshàng, shuāng shǒu huì xiàng zhèyàng wǔdòng qǐlái. Tā de yī wèi hùshì wèn dào tā,`tā zài zuò shénme? Tā chángcháng zhèyàng zuò'. Tā gàosù hùshì,`tā zài qímǎ, yīnwèi tā qímǎ de zīshì shì yīng shì, yòng yīng shì shì shuāng shǒu wòzhe jiāngshéng'.`Wǒ hěn quèdìng, wǒ shì duì de'. Qíshí, tā zhīdào yǒngyuǎn wúfǎ quèdìng, dàn zhè duì tā lái shuō, shì yīgè fēicháng hélǐ de cāicè. Wúlùn fùqīn piào dào nǎlǐ, wúlùn tā zuìzhōng qí dào nǎlǐ, tā kàn qǐlái dōu shì nàme píngjìng.
She talked about the last three years of her father's life, when he was bedridden. At that time, her father rarely spoke, unable to say anything. I t was really near the end of his life. But lying in bed, sometimes both of his hands would be raised in the air like this. One of his nurses asked her, "What is he doing? He does it all the time". She told the nurse, "He was riding his horse, because he was riding in the English posture, with both hands on the reins". "I'm pretty sure I'm right." In fact, although she knew that she could never confirm this, it was a very reasonable guess on her part. N o matter where her father had drifted, no matter where his ride had taken him, he looked so peaceful.
《漂浮在深淵》還有個副標題《護理人員如何跨越阿爾茨海默氏症 》（How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer’s）。由於目前醫學上，還沒有可以阻止或逆轉病程的治療，疾病會使患者越來越依賴他人的照護，這對護理者來說，是一個極大的負擔。 照護的挑戰和壓力涵括了生理、精神、社會和經濟等各個層面。 因此在書中，戴維斯以大量的親身經歷及與無數病患家人和朋友的經驗交流的實例，對阿茨海默氏症進行了獨到的描述與分析。 書中還結合了她個人經歷故事和專業護理人員量身定制的有用建議，涵蓋了從最初診斷到日後逐漸惡化的每個階段，包括如何保持所愛之人的衛生等技巧，以及用不同的方式照顧他們日漸嚴重的失智症狀，使得該書成為一本重要的護理指南。
“Piāofú zài shēnyuān” hái yǒu gè fùbiāotí “hùlǐ rényuán rúhé kuàyuè ā'ěr cí hǎi mò shì zhèng”(How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer’s). Yóuyú mùqián yīxué shàng, hái méiyǒu kěyǐ zǔzhǐ huò nìzhuǎn bìngchéng de zhìliáo, jíbìng huì shǐ huànzhě huì yuè lái yuè yīlài tārén de zhàohù, zhè duì hùlǐ zhě lái shuō, shì yīgè jídà de fùdān. Zhàohù de tiǎozhàn hé yālì hán kuòle shēnglǐ, jīngshén, shèhuì hé jīngjì děng gège céngmiàn. Yīncǐ zài shū zhōng, dài wéi sī yǐ dàliàng de qīnshēn jīnglì jí yǔ wúshù bìng huàn jiārén hé péngyǒu de jīngyàn jiāoliú de shílì, duì ā cí hǎi mò shì zhèng jìnxíngle dúdào de miáoshù yǔ fēnxī. Shū zhōng hái jiéhéle tā gèrén jīnglì gùshì hé zhuānyè hùlǐ rényuán liáng shēn dìngzhì de yǒuyòng jiànyì, hángàile cóng zuìchū zhěnduàn dào rìhòu zhújiàn èhuà de měi gè jiēduàn, bāokuò rúhé bǎochí suǒ ài zhī rén de wèishēng děng jìqiǎo, yǐjí yòng bùtóng de fāngshì zhàogù tāmen rìjiàn yánzhòng de shī zhì zhèngzhuàng, shǐdé gāi shū chéngwéi yī běn zhòngyào de hùlǐ zhǐnán
"Floating in the Deep End" is also subtitled "How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's." Since there is currently no medical treatment that can prevent or reverse the course of the disease, the disease will make patients more and more dependent on the care of others, which is a great burden for the caregivers. The challenges and pressures of caregiving have an impact on the physical, mental, social and financial aspects of life. Therefore, in the book, Davis shares a unique description and analysis of Alzheimer's disease based on many of her personal experiences as well as the experiences shared by countless patients' family members and friends. Combining stories from her personal experiences and helpful advice provided by medical professionals, the book covers each stage from initial diagnosis to progressive deterioration, including tips on personal hygiene for loved ones and how to use different ways to care for them as their dementia progresses – all of which makes this book an essential caregiving guide.
當被問及對寫小說和非小說有沒有什麼特別偏好，以及對在座的觀眾，其中也有一些作家和寫作愛好者有甚麼建議時。 她說沒有偏好，但是很喜歡寫小說的那種對未知的探索，對未來去向的不確定性。 「當我開始動筆時，我可能會有一個想法，但我肯定是出於像斯蒂芬·金的那種動機。我坐在這列火車上，讓我感到有點畏懼。斯蒂芬·金幾年前寫了一本很棒的書，叫做《論寫作》。 我認為這是一本適合任何熱愛寫作著閱讀的好書。很多關於他自己的生活，關於他寫作的方式。在他下筆之前，他也不太清楚故事的發展方向」。
Dāng bèi wèn jí duì xiě xiǎoshuō he fēi xiǎoshuō yǒu méiyǒu shé me tèbié piānhào, yǐjí duì zàizuò de guānzhòng, qízhōng yěyǒu yīxiē zuòjiā hé xiězuò àihào zhě yǒu shénme jiànyì shí. Tā shuō méiyǒu piānhào, dànshì hěn xǐhuān xiě xiǎoshuō dì nà zhǒng duì wèizhī de tànsuǒ, duì wèilái qùxiàng de bù quèdìng xìng. `Dāng wǒ kāishǐ dòngbǐ shí, wǒ kěnéng huì yǒu yīgè xiǎngfǎ, dàn wǒ kěndìng shì chū yú xiàng sīdìfēn·jīn dì nà zhǒng dòngjī. Wǒ zuò zài zhè liè huǒchē shàng, ràng wǒ gǎndào yǒudiǎn wèijù. Sīdìfēn·jīn jǐ nián qián xiěle yī běn hěn bàng de shū, jiàozuò “lùn xiězuò”. Wǒ rènwéi zhè shì yī běn shìhé rènhé rè'ài xiězuòzhe yuèdú de hǎo shū. Hěnduō guānyú tā zìjǐ de shēnghuó, guānyú tā xiězuò de fāngshì. Zài tā xiàbǐ zhīqián, tā yě bù tài qīngchǔ gùshì de fāzhǎn fāngxiàng'.
When asked if she had a preferences for writing fiction or non-fiction, and any advice for the audience, which included some writers and writing enthusiasts, Davis said that she has no preference, but she likes the exploration of the unknown and the uncertainty of what lies ahead when she writes novels. "When I start writing, I may have an idea, but I'm definitely motivated by something like Stephen King's experience: I'm on this train and feeling a bit intimidated. Stephen King wrote a few years ago a great book called On Writing. I think it's a good read for anyone who loves to write. There’s a lot in the book about his own life and about the way he writes. Before he starts writing, he’s also not sure where the story is going.
戴維斯以心靈世界的關懷，感人至深的真實故事，打動了千千萬萬個讀者，照亮了人們疲憊不堪的生活，並以優雅抒情的文字，詩情畫意的敘述，照亮了脆弱的人生，注定會成為經典。 我們面對的世界，充滿了未知变數。 既有美酒佳餚，也有病毒傷害；既有詩歌音樂的浪漫，也有現實人生的苦難。 而生命的火焰終將生生不息， 輝煌燦爛，如日月星辰。
Dài wéi sī yǐ xīnlíng shìjiè de guānhuái, gǎnrén zhì shēn de zhēnshí gùshì, dǎdòngle qiān qiān wàn wàn gè dúzhě, zhào liàngle rénmen píbèi bùkān dì shēnghuó, bìng yǐ yōuyǎ shūqíng de wénzì, shīqínghuàyì de xùshù, zhào liàngle cuìruò de rénshēng, zhùdìng huì chéngwéi jīngdiǎn. Wǒmen miàn duì de shìjiè, chōngmǎnle wèizhī biàn shù. Jì yǒu měijiǔ jiāyáo, yěyǒu bìngdú shānghài; jì yǒu shīgē yīnyuè de làngmàn, yěyǒu xiànshí rénshēng de kǔnàn. Ér shēngmìng de huǒyàn zhōng jiāng shēngshēng bù xī, huīhuáng cànlàn, rú rì yuè xīngchén.
Davies has touched thousands of readers with her concern for spirituality and through sharing many touching authentic stories, brightening people's tired lives, and illuminating the fragility of life with elegant and lyrical words and poetic narratives. This book is destined to become a classic. Our world is full of so many unknowns. There are both fine wines and delicious delicacies but also such destruction caused by the pandemics; there is both romantic poetry and music but also great suffering in life. The flame of life cannot be extinguished, and will shine on brilliantly, like the sun, moon, and stars.
已故的裡根總統和第一夫人都深受廣大美國人民的愛戴。他們的女兒戴維斯不僅是一位已發表了十三本書的知名作家，而且仍在繼續為提高人們對疾病的認識以及對護理人員的關注而不懈努力。 此時此刻，千言萬語化為一首十四行詩。
Yǐ gù de lǐgēn zǒngtǒng hé dì yī fūrén dōu shēn shòu guǎngdà měiguó rénmín de àidài. Tāmen de nǚ'ér dài wéi sī bùjǐn shì yī wèi yǐ fābiǎole shísān běnshū de zhīmíng zuòjiā, érqiě réng zài jìxù wèi tígāo rénmen duì jíbìng de rènshí yǐjí duì hùlǐ rényuán de guānzhù ér bùxiè nǔlì. Cǐ shí cǐkè, qiānyán wàn yǔ huà wéi yī shǒu shísì háng shī.
Both the late President Reagan and the First Lady were beloved by the American people. Their daughter, Patti Davis, is not only a well-known author of thirteen books, but continues to work tirelessly to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s Disease and concern for family caregivers. At this moment, a thousand words are reduced to a sonnet:
眼看著你漂向深淵
灰暗的日子令我憂傷不已
你雙眸緊閉
記不得多少個日日夜夜
今晚你睜開雙眼
那刻的眼神勝似往昔
幽藍清澈 眼裡愛念依舊
只為了再看你一眼
這漫長深情的告別
這生命的儀式和尊嚴
時間 靜止 如水
我們 相視 無語
今生 天各一方
來世 還願牽手 共度紅塵
Yǎnkànzhe nǐ piào xiàng shēnyuān
huī'àn de rìzi lìng wǒ yōushāng bùyǐ
nǐ shuāng móu jǐn bì
jì bùdé duōshǎo gè rì rì yè yè
jīn wǎn nǐ zhēng kāi shuāng yǎn
nà kè de yǎnshén shèngsì wǎngxī
yōu lán qīngchè yǎn lǐ ài niàn yījiù
zhǐ wèile zài kàn nǐ yīyǎn
zhè màncháng shēnqíng de gàobié
zhè shēngmìng de yíshì hé zūnyán
shíjiān jìngzhǐ rúshuǐ
wǒmen xiāng shì wúyǔ
jīnshēng tiāngèyīfāng
láishì huányuàn qiānshǒu gòngdù hóngchén
Watching you float into the deep end
The dark days make me sad
You close your eyes
Can't remember how many days and nights
Tonight you suddenly open your eyes
Momentary expression in the eyes, alive as ever
Clear blue sapphire, filled with the same love
Just to see you again
This long and affectionate farewell
The ritual and dignity of this life
Time stands still like silent water
We look at each other speechless
In this life, we are parted forever
In the next life, hold hands and spend the world together
