小羊
一个基督徒的信仰随笔
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."【1】
God gave mankind the priceless Bible. The Bible records the grand blueprint of God's creation of man, the fall of man, the redemption of Jesus Christ, and the indwelling and guiding of the Holy Spirit from the beginning to around A.D. 100. Through the Bible, God promises that He still reigns and is with Christians today in the twenty-first century. Through the Bible, God commands Christians to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love others as themselves. The love between God and man is commonly known as 'Agape', and Jesus Christ taught Christians to love one another with agape at his farewell【2】 ; however, for ease of communication with gospel seekers, Christians' love for others is termed as ‘love’ below.
Love is desirable but difficult to practice, which is probably the reason why “it needs a hundred years to build up human”. Though not in man, all things are possible in God. It has been said that the entire Bible speaks of God's love for human. But since earthly suffering often goes hand in hand with joy, there is a pessimistic view that the supernatural love recorded in the Bible stories no longer occurs today, except that people care for each other. The author has collected the following marvelous experiences (wonders, visions, inspirations) to share with readers, in order to encourage our journeys ahead. If you have any insights, please feel free to enlighten me.
1. Wonders
It has been said that there is nothing that can’t happen in the world. Although it may be an exaggeration, God does use strange events to lead people in the path of righteousness【3】 . When I first came to the United States, I often went to the activities organized by my church friends because of their friendliness. As my knowledge of the Bible deepened, I began to desire to become a Christian. My friends taught me, "As long as you confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ died for our sins and believe in your heart that He has risen from the dead, you can be baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and become a Christian. At that time, though I would like to believe that Jesus Christ humbled Himself, died on the cross, and rose again three days later nearly 2,000 years ago to save sinners like me, but I was still very hazy on the truth of salvation.
Because of the self-pity I felt while coming to the US from Beijing in 1990, I wondered if God still loves us as much today as He did nearly 2,000 years ago. So, I prayed to the Almighty to give me a proof of His love【4】 : that I wouldn't have to plow the snow in the middle of winter before the final exam of my last required PhD course, so that I could concentrate on my studies. That prayer seems almost delusional in retrospect, since the first snow often falls at the end of October in the area. But by God's mercy and favor, I got what I wanted! Many of my friends joined me in thanking and praising our almighty and loving Heavenly Father. My wife and I were baptized as Christians on Mother's Day in 1996.
2. Visions
People often refer to supernatural sightings as visions. According to the Bible, without vision and knowledge, the people die【5】 . The Bible records many instances of visions. Some are obvious visions, such as: Abraham, the father of faith, "met" the LORD God, the young prophet Samuel "heard" the voice of the LORD God, the Three Doctors of the East followed the "star" to find the newborn Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ climbed the mountain and transfigured. Some are implied visions, such as the writing and transmission of the entire Bible, the progress from the Old Testament with focus on the nation of Israel to the New Testament centered on Jesus Christ, the Apostle Peter led 3,000 to become Christians in one day after the resurrection of Jesus Christ by preaching the gospel, the transformation of the New Testament's Saul into the Apostle Paul, and the Apostle Peter in his later years taught Christians to climb the "ladder of virtues " - faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, love of the brethren, love of all【6】 , the Apostle John in his old age was called the Apostle of Love.
The author had the honor of experiencing a complete vision. Though there were sweet and sour moments in the process of transformation, the rain cleared up and God's goodness was felt. In order to give thanks and hope that more people will be inspired to seek the divine source behind the vision, to know the works of the living God, and to become Christians, I recorded the following【7】 .
During a group prayer session at a spring camp in the San Francisco Bay Area in March '98, I saw a small bird standing in the upper right corner of my head with my eyes closed. Since this was the first time I had encountered this, I commanded the bird to leave in the name of Jesus Christ. But the bird did not move. Realizing that the bird resembling a dove could be the Holy Spirit described in the Bible, I prayed to God, "If it is from God, please enter." After praying, the bird entered my darkened mind. Like a paintbrush, the bird wiped half a circle from the center of my head to the left and right, and it whitened my dark mind. I was so happy after the group prayer that I told my wife about the vision when I got home.
One night in June of the same year, I felt that the cucumber for dinner was numb and bitter. At that time, I didn't sleep well for the first time in two nights, and I actually suspected that someone had poisoned it, so I called the police. The young fireman rushed into the house, tasted a slice of cucumber and said it was not bitter. A policeman then took me to the hospital for the night. A senior doctor of Filipino descent diagnosed my "taste disorder" and related reactions as temporary psychosis. At the time, I was doing post-doctoral research; at the same time, I was looking for a job; and though I was still young, being sick and taking medication made life more stressful. Because of my immigration status, technically appropriate federal positions were not available; fortunately, there was a position in the California government for which I could apply. After submitting the application, we prayed urgently at home and asked for the Lord's intercession. I asked my two-year-old daughter to intercede because I liked the position so much. She prayed, "Dear God, please give this job to Dady". Then she told my wife, "A golden coin comes down from heaven". Soon after, I was notified that I had been hired by the state government. Our family rejoiced and thanked and praised God.
In the spring of 2001, just after my second child was born, I had a drunken feeling after drinking a cup of Korean ginseng tea at my workplace and continued to have poor sleep for a week. After being hospitalized, my doctor tried a variety of medications to restore peace to my mind, which finally worked after several days. That drunken feeling was diagnosed as bipolar disorder. It was also said that the disease was pathologically unclear and could not be eradicated, much to my despair. Only after being discharged from the hospital, I looked up the dictionary and learnt the medical term. For the sake of my young and lovely children, I took prescription medication regularly every day so that I could go to work to support my family. At that time, I felt desperate, and my heart was extremely sad. Though I still rationally believed that God would watch over me and my family, I had almost reached a point where I could no longer accept the status quo. In desperation and helplessness, I made a vow to God: If God heals me, I will serve the Lord full-time. I didn't realize until now that God doesn't like vows, because healing is by His grace, and full-time work as a preacher requires His call. What individuals should ask for is to follow God's teachings and live for the Lord with a thankful heart. Being diligent as light and salt at home as well as in community and workplace is also considered full-time service to the Lord. Therefore, that prayer was improper. However, God's mercy outweighs my transgressions.
In the summer of 2004, I stopped taking my medication for fear of side effects. Encouraged by the intercession of a Missioner, I was able to fall asleep at night for more than a month by praying with family and reading the Psalms before going to bed. During those days, there were always many different visions in front of my eyes before I fell asleep. I lay in bed and prayed for the Lord to cleanse my mind. God mercifully heard my prayer and led me to sleep. At first, I was able to sleep 7 hours a day, and then gradually I slept 6 hours. On the last night, August 27, 2004, I slept for just over 5 hours. When I got up the next day, I began to question whether God still heals people like me through prayer today. Jesus Christ was so merciful that He appeared to me in a vision at noon that day, while I was sitting at the dining table, feeling bitter for God didn’t give me more sleep, and wondering if I had asked for too much! When I saw the solemn eyes of the resurrected Lord and His left hand with a nail-hole covered with fresh blood, I cried out loudly. My wife told the Missioner about the joyful news of Jesus' appearance to me, and they continued to pray urgently. The Missioner urged me to invite the Lord Jesus to abide in me when I saw him. At about 2 pm, I was leaning on a lounge chair by the communal swimming pool in my apartment, praying with my eyes closed, bewildered, asking Jesus Christ to come into me in His own way【8】 . In the midst of praying with my eyes closed, suddenly, I saw a large, contained space. In the upper left part of the space, a big bird flew down and returned by taking a pebble in the lower right part. Then a long train disappeared from the lower right rear via the lower left rear to the lower left front, with a world-famous rock and roll singer sitting in the center of the train. After that train left, I saw a mountain city descending from the upper right front. The city was extremely lofty, with walls made of huge rectangular gray stones that were neatly constructed. The front gate of the city opened, and a double-row four-seater car came out of the city. It was driven by an oriental woman, about 50-60 years old, with an indistinct face. As the car drove into the center in the air, suddenly a wide beam of soft white light shone in from above the left front. Then a chair of the same color as the light descended from the point of entry until it stopped in mid-air. Then, an extremely glorious and healthy king of the same color as the light descended from the light and sat on the chair. It turned out that the king was the source of light, illuminating a large area of space. When I looked up at Him, all I saw was in the soft white light. The color and intensity of the light was the same, and it did not change with distance, and there were no shadows【9】 . I was so enchanted that I sang hallelujah in my heart. At some point, I opened my eyes and jumped into the pool and took a dip, then happily went home to tell my wife the good news that I had seen the Lord God sitting gloriously on His throne. Afterward, I couldn't help but sing an extremely joyful spiritual song of worship and praise in a dialect I didn't even understand. Only now do I realize that this vision vividly describes the process by which the Lord Jesus helped me build a family altar and to be our Lord God. That night before I lay down on my bed to fall asleep, I heard a very clear teaching of Jesus Christ. The first sentence was, "I have appeared to you only to heal you." In the middle, He spoke of family, church and community matters, full of mercy, teaching and grace[a]. Finally, I was told, "Get up and take your medicine." So, I got up and took my medicine until my wife gave birth to our last child.
Later, kind Pastors went on to intercede on my behalf. I read a testimony of a Pastor’s wife who was healed of cancer after quoting God's promises in the Bible in her devotional prayers. Soon afterward, I also recited Psalm 131 before going to bed, based on the scriptures quoted by the Pastor’s wife, and with faith in the Lord, and for several years I could sleep peacefully without taking any medication. The following is the psalm:
1 My heart is not haughty, O LORD;
My eyes are not arrogant.
I'm not concerned
with things that are too great and marvelous.
2 My mind is calm and peaceful,
like a weaned child at its mother's side.
My mind is like a weaned child.
3 Look up to the LORD, O Israel,
from now to forevermore.
After wrestling with the Lord, due to age and physical needs, I am now able to gratefully take the medication prescribed by God through my doctor. Thanks to the loving God.
3. Inspiration
Many people throughout history had experiences of being inspired. Christians live in Christ relying on the inspiration and communication of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a Godhead of the Triune God who was at work on the waters at creation【10】. He inspired and taught many prophets in Old Testament times and anointed King David. He descended like a dove on the shoulders of Jesus Christ after His baptism. On the day of Pentecost, after the ascension of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit descended like a mighty wind and tongues of fire, filling the 120 disciples who waited for him as he had commanded【11】. Later, the Holy Spirit reminded the apostles of the teachings given to them by Jesus during his earthly life and wrote them into gospels. As a Counselor, the Holy Spirit often intercedes for us before the Father with sighs that cannot be uttered.
I remember feeling inspired after publishing a poem in my college newspaper when I was sixteen or seventeen. With that special inspiration and God's love, I happily endeavored on campus and in the workplace for nearly thirty years. After years of working in front of computers without matching mental labor with physical exercise and taking Christian theology courses in the evenings and on weekends, I unfortunately almost blacked out in front of a computer screen twice in 2010. Shortly after I was forced to leave the public service in 2011, I took a walk with my wife and preschooler in a park near my home. At the time, I was sorry to lose my job, but thankful to God for giving me and my family the opportunity to walk in the park during daytime on a weekday. Suddenly, a man's voice rang in my left ear: "Give you another poem". He then read the following wonderful poem:
Lamb had a sweet dream.
In the dream, he ran on a prairie.
On the prairie, he saw a line of words:
"I Love You, Niu-Niu".
Against the wind, he ran even faster.
In the distance, he saw Niu-Niu's back
and bustling flocks of sheep.
Suddenly, a dust storm broke out in the horizon,
yellow sands covered the sheep.
Niu-Niu shouted desperately, "Run, Lamb, run!"
Lamb turned sharply and saw the line again:.
"Niu-Niu, You Love I".
After he woke up, Lamb was still screaming : "Niu-Niu!!!"
This time, it was clear to me that this poem was a gift from God. It is well-written, beautiful, and a constant reminder that God loves me【12】 . One Brother asked me what this poem means. On a family level: "One night a few days ago, my five-year-old youngest child was sleeping in a big bed with my wife and me. The youngest suddenly screamed “Mama”, and my wife asked me what was wrong. I replied casually, ‘I think you hurt him in your sleep while stretching out your arm’. My wife was horrified, and from then on, she insisted that my youngest sleep alone in his own bed and no longer share it with adults." This wonderful poem reminds me that I was wrong about my wife: our youngest were just having a bad dream. Perhaps it has another meaning for you. Thank and praise the marvelous Holy Spirit, the Comforter.
You may guess, dear reader, that I am now convinced that the Triune God is the living God: He has nourished the world with immense love from time immemorial, and He still favors those who trust in Him with signs and wonders today. Through battling with my illness, I have learned to pray often and no longer doubt or follow blindly. Since the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, I am careful about what I eat and drink in my life, and when I am sick, I seek medical help with a prayerful heart. Though good medicine may not be tasty, good advice may not be pleasant to hear, and it is difficult for a good doctor to cure an incurable disease, it is incomparable love of the Holy Trinity to save my soul through wonders, visions, and inspirations, to give me a new life, and to guide me to walk in the path of righteousness.
There was once a group of people, one of whom, A, exposed another, B, out of selfishness, and the crowd was incited by A to drive B to his death. There was a group of people like this, one of whom, C, wept bitterly in front of the crowd for his past misdeeds and asked the crowd to help him to be a new man, and the crowd accepted C. Dear reader, I wonder if you have ever met any members of the ABC? I remember when I was young, I loved the stories about the "man who saw an injustice and was brave to fight". After I became a Christian, I felt sweet even during hard time, because I relate to the Lord and enjoy the holy love of Christ while climbing the 'ladder of virtue'.
As I write this, a hymn sung in church at the beginning of my conversion reverberates in my mind for a long time: "Jesus loves me, I love Jesus, joy and peace fill me. He is my strength, He is my help, He is my glory. I love Him all the days of my life." May the Almighty, loving and righteous God, the great King of Peace, also bless you and your whole family who seek Holy Love!
Notes:
[a] The original text reads: "You laid down your life for your wife【13】 ; I remember you. Will the San Francisco great earthquake[b] kill them all and save you alone? I did not send her[c] to the Forerunner Church. Auntie Yu[d] is an evil spirit, and this church will fall apart; you bring your wife and children back to the original Bible church. Today[e] go tell ****[f] what you have seen."
Author's Tentative Interpretation: Since the incarnation, transfiguration, and words of resurrected Jesus Christ came to the author separately in one day, the author has no doubt whatsoever that this is the Lord's miraculous grace. Due to the weakness of the body, the author had the disease of hallucinations, fantasies, and delusions at other times, but they could not be compared with this grace. For whom the Lord loves, he will chasten and discipline【14】 , so the author treasures the Lord's teaching very much. "For the word is called to death, but the Spirit is called to life."【15】 , May the Holy Spirit of revelation help us understand the true way of salvation of the Lord God.
[b] A Brother seismologist forecasted around '98 that there would be a major earthquake of magnitude 8 or higher in the San Francisco area within 30 years. The author widely publicized his forecast without thinking of its grave impact on audiences.
[c] The Forerunner Church was one of the larger Chinese churches in the East Bay of San Francisco, USA. At that time, the Senior Pastor was a woman. The author once went to a "healing sermon" hosted by them because of illness. The atmosphere of their worship and praise was hot. Since the Apostle Paul taught in the New Testament that "Men are the heads of women"【16】 , the head sheep of traditional churches are all men. It is not clear to the author whether the Lord's rebuke was because of gender, or whether it was due to personal factor or single event. When hearing a friend's disagreement with the Pastor of that church, the author did not make a defense. According to the Bible【17】 , God can pursue the sin of not making a defense from the author. However, the Lord's tone seems to be declarative. For matters concerning the church, please study the relevant chapters of the Bible【18】 . For Pastors, please pray with reverence.
[d] Auntie Yu was a legendary Missioner from mainland China. Because the medication I was taking at the time helped me sleep, but it would lead to diabetes if I used it for a long time, she encouraged me to sleep by praying and reading Psalms. When I was blessed to see the Lord Jesus appear, she urged me through my wife to invite Him to live in me when I saw Him【8】 . The author is still not sure which of the Lord's rebukes is being referred to. When I heard that my friend had objections to Auntie Yu's preaching style, I did not defend her for the sake of superficial peace. According to the Bible【17】 , God can pursue the sin of not defending from the author. However, the Lord's tone seems to be declarative. For matters concerning the church, please read carefully the relevant chapter of the Bible【18】 . For Pastors, please pray with reverence. Also, see the rebuke Jesus Christ gave to the Apostle Peter on one occasion【19】 .
[e] The author once made the mistake of using "tomorrow" as an excuse to politely refuse to answer a question by a senior Research Fellow. In the Bible, "today" also refers to a certain day set by God【20】 .
[f] *** was then the Pastor of the Mandarin congregation of Chinese Grace Bible Church where the author had been and was going to. The author now forgets whether there was "bring him to repentance" in the end.
[1] John 3:16. [2] John 13:34. [3] Acts 9:1-22. [4] Psalm 86:17. [5] Hosea 6:6; Proverbs 11:9, 29:18; Ecclesiastes 7:12. [6] 2 Peter 1:5-7. [7] Psalm 105:1; Matthew 10:27, 28:18-20. [8] John 4:15. I John 4:15. [9] James 1:17. [10] Genesis 1:2. [11] Acts 2:1-4. [12] Psalm 103. [13] Ephesians 5:25. [14] Mark 8:33. [15] II Corinthians 3:6. [16] I Corinthians 11:3. [17] Ezekiel 3:18-21. [18] Jude; Revelation 2 and 3. [19] Matthew 16:21-23. [20] Hebrews 4:7.
Golden Verses: "May the God of hope fill your hearts with all joy and peace through faith, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit!" (Romans 15:13)
"I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." (Psalm 9:1)
"4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:4-5) For the Lord is good and his love endures; his faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:4-5)
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." (Psalms 107:1, 118:1, 136:1)
"18 I will not leave you like children who do not have parents. I will come to you.19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore. But you will see me Because I live, you will live also.20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father. You will know that you are in me, and I am in you.21 Anyone who has my commands and obeys them loves me. Anyone who has my commands and obeys them loves me. My Father will love the one who loves me. I too will love them. And I will show myself to them." (John 14:18-21)
Hymns: "Symphony" (Cassidy Estevez & 5 Others, 2019), The
"I Surrender" (Matt Crocker, 2016).
"Way Maker" (Sinach, 2015).
"Look What You've Done" (T. Layton & 3 Others, 2021).
"10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)" (Matt Redman & Jonas Myrin, 2011).
"Praise" (Steven Furtick & 5 Others, 2023).
"Trust In God" (Steven Furtick & 3 Others, 2023).
This article is translated from Mandarin in the book with the same title at Lulu.
