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舞曼西楼
舞曼西楼
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I Will Fly

(2006-11-16 10:59:37) 下一个
I will fly

Comes the night
With unbearable quiet
To the farthest end of your endurances
I gently fly

Like a vessel from a feather
On the fleecy waves
Your soft breath is coming
Into my sight

So I follow the song
And found the hidden light
You are the brightest star
In my darkest night
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舞曼西楼 2006-11-21 20:47:33 回复 悄悄话 金秋君的version也不错！谢谢了：）
独立金秋 2006-11-21 09:59:34 回复 悄悄话 Comes the night
With unbearable quietness
To the farthest end of your endurances
I start my gentle flight

"vessel" is a general term for ship, boat and other load carrying vehicles. It is quite acceptable in this poem.
作舟 2006-11-17 20:56:04 回复 悄悄话 u r sooo welcome .... didn't mean to point out the "mistakes" ....thank you for sharing also!
舞曼西楼 2006-11-17 20:45:14 回复 悄悄话 谢谢作舟君的批改！你的版本的确好得多。我从没写过英文诗。 但我很喜欢读。望以后多多指教：））
作舟 2006-11-17 19:24:14 回复 悄悄话 I will fly

Night comes
With unbearable silence
The far end of your endurings
I gently fly

Like a vessel of feathers
On a fleecy sea
Your softly breathing
Into my ears....eyes....

So I follow the song
And found the hidden light
You are the brightest star
In my darkest night

............

i am not sure about "vessel" either ..... i would choose "ship" or "boat" even ....
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