6/2 星期一
(2008-06-01 10:07:22)
下一个
已经过1点,明天要早起,但我却不想睡觉。很多事情在心里,刚刚给Miho打了电话,聊了好久。我对和D的relationship没有信心,我们相互了解不够,且离彼此那样远,我连普通的relationship都弄得一塌糊涂,更何况long distance. To be honest, I dont want myself to get hurt, and I am afraid that I would care more than he does, cos usually who cares more would get hurt more when things fall apart. I know I am being selfish on this, but I am really afraid of some shit down the road which would break my heart. Now I totally understand why Rob decided not to see me again, he was afraid of the same thing I am afraid of now. I am not better than him on any sense, he could make the decision, but I cant. I do like D a lot, but... How can you fall in love with someone without caring about him/her much? I guess I have been single for too long, and very used to the single status, think less, care less, everything casual, no responsibilities, and would never get hurt cos I dont give shit.
And long distance, its just... suffering, suffering, suffering, lol. Always between the sweetest memories and the hopes for the next time, its exhausting. And when I need someone standing by me, he would never be here... How this thing could work out? How far we could go for love? How much suffering we have to go through?
我好像站在悬崖边,琢磨着跳,还是不跳,下面究竟是水,还是岩石?Miho建议我keep my options open,她最近处于空档期,又要拉着我去hunting,I am her best "wingman". I guess, only time, can tell everything, wish I could see through all the confusion.
the point is the commitment issue, 和姐弟恋有什么关系???