jgey的单身日记
随便写写...
正文
Mario and I, we are done.
Mario came back on Thursday, and sent me messages that he would come over to my place on Sat. But friday night, I got some new messages from him, which said the plan might need to be changed, and he would explain to me later on chat.
1 am, we were online chatting, he told me that some crazy navy guy stabbed 2 japanese girls on Thurs, so all schedules have been changed, which means he has to work on Sat, can only see me for the night. I wasnt happy with the change, said, "I have to work on sunday". He said, "me too, just bring clothes." I was pissed off, "Why always me?" "Its not always you, I have to work too, and I am willing to come up and spend the night with you... never mind, maybe you should find someone else, I guess I cant give you what you want", Mario was using the same trick, but this time I wouldnt take it, replied, "great, thank you for telling me that." The trick didnt work out, he added, "I just dont want to stress you out, and I love seeing you, are you sure about tomorrow?" "Sure about what? you just told me to find somebody else."
Mario became tender, "do you really not want to see me tomorrow?" I was being honest, "you know I want to see you all the time, but this is really suffering." He said, "whats so hard about it? we both have to work..." I decided not to hold back my complaints any more, "I am sick of being waiting all the time, I dont like this way, you can reach me, but I will never be able to reach you." Mario typed, "sorry, but this is how my work is, and I have to wait also... you are frustrated, and we both are horny, what do you want to do?" I was totally upset, "you missing the point, it has nothing to do with being horny. maybe that is the only point for you, and if I was just horny, I could find a guy easily." He was getting impatient, "geez, do you really think 1:30am is the best time to have an argument? I know you can find any guy you want... you have the luxury of being a woman and you are attractive... you dont need to rub that in."
I didnt want to stop this time, "I want to see you its not just cos I feel horny." "I feel the same...I dont think I need to prove that I like you...", Mario replied. I was quiet for a moment, then typed my decision, "I dont know if I can handle this any more, its much more than I thought." He was pissed too, "alright, Im not gonna get all weird about this... say what you mean and what you want... why cant we see each other and just enjoy the company and the sex like we always do? it never is a bad time, is it?" I answered, "cos I like you more than just sex." He quickly added, "good... I like you for more than just sex too... but that doesnt mean we have to change it all up..." I said, "I already invested too much, really cant keep it as simple as you can do." He asked, "Why not?" I had been pushed by him so much, couldnt hide anything any more, "cos I love you, ok? cos I wanna be with you, ok? now you satisfied?" Mario was quiet for a while, "well, that is more than I thought." I typed, "I am not as cool as you thought, sorry..."
Mario was quiet again, then, "I cant return those kind of feelings, I really like you though... I dont want to be in love again, I have been hurt too many times, things never work out for me when I get too involved..." I couldnt believe my eyes, "you cant love me back cos you are afraid of being hurt???" "yes, I dont want to fall in love..." He confirmed. "Great, but I do, even though I got hurt so many times, I still do," I was typing with my tears falling off. After a long while, he typed, "well, I guess this is it?" I was sad, crying, but had no choice, "yeah, I guess so." Mario couldnt give up, "why cant we still get together and have good time? I just dont understand why we have to end it?" I answered, "cos it hurts me, I love someone who will never love me back." He asked, "dont you think that not seeing me at all would hurt also? it hurts me already." "Before you break my heart, I can at least try to forget this whole thing." I actually had no idea if I could do that.
Mario said, "Im pretty sure you wont forget me...I will never forget you." I hated he being that confident about my feeling, "so what? anyway you gonna leave..." "doesnt mean I am going to forget you, " he typed. I tried so hard to make myself calm, "that is not enough, I want you to love me, but you cant." Silence, then he sent a sad face icon, I couldnt see his sadness, he couldnt see my tears either.
"if you change your mind..." Thats Mario's last line, I desperately wanted to tell him that, I dont want everything to end up like this, and I want to see him again so much... But I just couldnt, my hands were like being tied to my body, except staring at the screen, I couldnt do anything. I hope I did make the right decision, even though it hurts so fucking much.
Mario came back on Thursday, and sent me messages that he would come over to my place on Sat. But friday night, I got some new messages from him, which said the plan might need to be changed, and he would explain to me later on chat.
1 am, we were online chatting, he told me that some crazy navy guy stabbed 2 japanese girls on Thurs, so all schedules have been changed, which means he has to work on Sat, can only see me for the night. I wasnt happy with the change, said, "I have to work on sunday". He said, "me too, just bring clothes." I was pissed off, "Why always me?" "Its not always you, I have to work too, and I am willing to come up and spend the night with you... never mind, maybe you should find someone else, I guess I cant give you what you want", Mario was using the same trick, but this time I wouldnt take it, replied, "great, thank you for telling me that." The trick didnt work out, he added, "I just dont want to stress you out, and I love seeing you, are you sure about tomorrow?" "Sure about what? you just told me to find somebody else."
Mario became tender, "do you really not want to see me tomorrow?" I was being honest, "you know I want to see you all the time, but this is really suffering." He said, "whats so hard about it? we both have to work..." I decided not to hold back my complaints any more, "I am sick of being waiting all the time, I dont like this way, you can reach me, but I will never be able to reach you." Mario typed, "sorry, but this is how my work is, and I have to wait also... you are frustrated, and we both are horny, what do you want to do?" I was totally upset, "you missing the point, it has nothing to do with being horny. maybe that is the only point for you, and if I was just horny, I could find a guy easily." He was getting impatient, "geez, do you really think 1:30am is the best time to have an argument? I know you can find any guy you want... you have the luxury of being a woman and you are attractive... you dont need to rub that in."
I didnt want to stop this time, "I want to see you its not just cos I feel horny." "I feel the same...I dont think I need to prove that I like you...", Mario replied. I was quiet for a moment, then typed my decision, "I dont know if I can handle this any more, its much more than I thought." He was pissed too, "alright, Im not gonna get all weird about this... say what you mean and what you want... why cant we see each other and just enjoy the company and the sex like we always do? it never is a bad time, is it?" I answered, "cos I like you more than just sex." He quickly added, "good... I like you for more than just sex too... but that doesnt mean we have to change it all up..." I said, "I already invested too much, really cant keep it as simple as you can do." He asked, "Why not?" I had been pushed by him so much, couldnt hide anything any more, "cos I love you, ok? cos I wanna be with you, ok? now you satisfied?" Mario was quiet for a while, "well, that is more than I thought." I typed, "I am not as cool as you thought, sorry..."
Mario was quiet again, then, "I cant return those kind of feelings, I really like you though... I dont want to be in love again, I have been hurt too many times, things never work out for me when I get too involved..." I couldnt believe my eyes, "you cant love me back cos you are afraid of being hurt???" "yes, I dont want to fall in love..." He confirmed. "Great, but I do, even though I got hurt so many times, I still do," I was typing with my tears falling off. After a long while, he typed, "well, I guess this is it?" I was sad, crying, but had no choice, "yeah, I guess so." Mario couldnt give up, "why cant we still get together and have good time? I just dont understand why we have to end it?" I answered, "cos it hurts me, I love someone who will never love me back." He asked, "dont you think that not seeing me at all would hurt also? it hurts me already." "Before you break my heart, I can at least try to forget this whole thing." I actually had no idea if I could do that.
Mario said, "Im pretty sure you wont forget me...I will never forget you." I hated he being that confident about my feeling, "so what? anyway you gonna leave..." "doesnt mean I am going to forget you, " he typed. I tried so hard to make myself calm, "that is not enough, I want you to love me, but you cant." Silence, then he sent a sad face icon, I couldnt see his sadness, he couldnt see my tears either.
"if you change your mind..." Thats Mario's last line, I desperately wanted to tell him that, I dont want everything to end up like this, and I want to see him again so much... But I just couldnt, my hands were like being tied to my body, except staring at the screen, I couldnt do anything. I hope I did make the right decision, even though it hurts so fucking much.
在下一个拐角，你马上会发现更好的。
期待早成浴火鳳凰.
大家都說“爛尾樓”沒有傳奇....
若你跟他好,
天天只能隔靴搔癢;
如今雲過天晴,
該開始走運啦!!
今年好似離災脫難,
期待早成浴火鳳凰.