原创搞笑：Xi is the new leader of China

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Xi is the new leader of China

10 years have passed since Mr. Hu Jingtao became president of China. In 2012, Mr. Xi Jinping will become China’s new president. White House is once again having a discussion of the new leader in China.

Characters: Barak is the President; Hillary is the secretary of the States; Bill No. 1 is the former President; Bill No. 2 is the President’s Chief of Staff.

(In the Rose Garden of the White House)

Hillary: Mr. President. China will have a new president this year.

Barak: Who is the new leader of China?

Hillary: No, Hu will be retiring. Xi (she) is the new leader of China.

Barak:  Who is she?

Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.

Barak:  I know Hu is a guy. Now will they have a female leader in China?

Hillary: No, Xi is a guy too.  

Barak:  She is a guy? Who is he?

Hillary: Yes. Hu is a he.

Barak:  I know Hu is he. Then who is She?

Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.

Barak:  You just said She is a guy?

Hillary: Yes.

Barak:  How dare you say she is a guy! If she is a guy, then I will be a lady.

Hillary: No, I am a lady, you are a guy.

Barak:  Then why you call she is a guy?

Hillary: Because Xi is a guy!

Barak:  How do you know she is a guy?

Hillary: Because Xi was married, Xi has a wife.

Barak:  Does China also approve same sex marriage?

Hillary: No.

Barak:  Then why she can marry to a woman?

Hillary: Because Xi is a man.

Barak:  You mean she is a man?

Hillary: Yes sir.

Barak:  I know Yasser  is a man, but he is a dead man.  Hu picked she?

Hillary: Yes sir.

Barak:  Let’s forget Yasser, he is dead already. Ok?

Hillary: Ok. In order to know Xi better, I have sent someone to meet him.

Barak:  Mind your grammar, Ms. Secretary of the States! The object pronoun of she is her, not him, Ok? No wonder why I insist education all the time. So, who did you send to meet She?

Hillary: Locke.

Barak:  Lock? You send a lock to She? China is rich now, they won't be satisfied with a lock. We America have the most advanced technology in the world, you should send her an iPhone .  Speaking of iPhone, it is sad to lose Jobs this year.

Hillary: But sir, the job marketing is improving now, we added over 200,000 jobs last month.

Barak:  No, no, I mean the Jobs for Apple.

Hillary: While, since most farms let visitors pick apples themselves, the jobs for apple picking...(interrupted by Barak)

Barak: Enough. Let's go back to China. China is not our friend now, we should spy them. Why don't we send She a bug? Will She buy any special airplane from Boeing like Jiang Zeming? We can install bugs on his plane.

Hillary: We don't know yet.

Barak: Prepare some bugs anyway. By the way, you can contact Bloomberg for free bugs. I heard the beds in New York city are full of bugs.

Hillary: Ok.

Barak:  I am tired, let's take a break. Bill? (He called out.)

Hillary: Sir, we are in the White House now, not in the restaurant.

Barak:  I am not going to pay anything.

Hillary: Yes, I know the taxpayer will pay for us.

Barak:  No, no. Stop talking about tax, it makes me feel sick.  I just want Bill. Do you know where is my Bill?

Hillary: No. I did not bring cash with me.  If you need money, I can give you my credit card.

Barak:  No, I do not want money. I want the guy, Bill.

Hillary: Oh, I did not bring Bill with me either. He is now being interviewed by my daughter.

Barak:  Bill is looking for a new job? I thought he is happy with me.

Hillary: No, Bill is happy with me! He is loyal to me, while, most of the time. Most importantly, he is not a gay.  He will not be happy with you.

Barak:  Ok, that Bill! Then why is he interviewed by his own daughter? Is he gonna work for her?

Hillary: No, my daughter is now a correspondent for a media. She is responsible for "Making a Difference".  

Barak: No need of her, I can make the difference here: Your Bill is not my Bill. Here comes my Bill.

Bill: Yes, sir?

Barak: No more Yasser, please! He is history. Now tell me who won the Iowa caucus?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: Meat? I thought Iowa is famous for its beef.

Bill: Yes.

Barak: Then who won?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: I hate meat.  Beef is juicier and more delicious. So tell me who won the Iowa caucus?

Bill: Mitt.

Barak: Ok, meat! But I prefer meatloaf. Oh, probably also a bowl of Condi Rice, and a cup of Annan Kofi. And when you pay the Bill, do not forget to get a receipt! We need reimbursement from the taxpayers.

(Author declaration: this is created for pure fun only, no disrespectfulness exists for anyone).

也许是画蛇添足,不过为帮助不熟悉政治的朋友更好理解这些笑话,做一点注释:

Locke:Gary Locke,美国驻华大使

Mitt: Mitt Romney, 美国共和党总统候选人之一

Yasser: Yasser arafat,巴勒斯坦前领导人

Rice: Condoleezza Rice, 美国前国务卿

Kofi: Kofi Annan, 前联合国秘书长

Jobs: Steve Jobs, 已故苹果CEO

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