藤校自己亲身体会了就不那么容易上头了

Why It Feels Poignant

• Born into the storied Fonda acting dynasty (Henry Fonda, Peter Fonda, Jane Fonda), Bridget made her own mark in the 1990s with critically-acclaimed roles—but chose to step away at the height of her career.

• She now lives quietly and on her own terms, echoing sentiments like your earlier quote: “It’s too nice being a civilian.” Her disappearance was not dramatic, but deeply intentional—an act of self-preservation, calm, and independence. 

  為何令人心酸
  布麗姬出生於傳奇的方達演藝家族（亨利方達、彼得方達、珍芳達），在20世紀90年代憑藉廣受好評的角色嶄露頭角——但她卻在事業的巔峰時期選擇退出。

  她現在過著平靜的生活，按照自己的意願生活，這與你之前說的「做個平民真好」如出一轍。她的消失並非戲劇性的，而是深思熟慮的——一種自我保護、冷靜和獨立的行為。

Ivy League 8 graduates work out only for a few. If you're not such a material, stay away from them - : ) I’ve been to the Ivy mountaintop, and here’s the truth about the climb.

6. Takeaway Themes

1. Ivy League ≠ automatic life upgrade — it’s a narrow and often performative path.

2. Family social positioning matters — faculty kids, legacy, and network access heavily tip the scales.

3. Parental reflection and regret — many top-tier parents eventually realize the tradeoff between life choices (returning home, freedom for kids) and the admissions game.

4. Cultural maturity — after walking the path themselves, some parents can finally say, “Let the child choose their own path”—but often only after some disillusionment.

 essentially a reflection on the harsh realities of Ivy League admissions, parental expectations, and the disillusionment that follows once people see the system up close. Here’s a breakdown and elaboration:

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1. “Ivy League 8 workouts are only for a few”

• Meaning:
  The “Ivy League 8” (Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, Penn, Brown, Dartmouth, Cornell) are portrayed as elite arenas, like extreme workouts that only a very specific “material” (天赋+努力的结合) can handle.

• Implication:

  • If you’re not exceptional in the exact way they value—academically brilliant, holistically polished, culturally and socially aligned—pushing into that world may not only fail, but backfire.

  • It’s not just grades; it’s the whole persona and family ecosystem.

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2. Voices of Disillusionment from Parents

• “大部分清北的觉得名校就这么回事”
  Parents who themselves graduated from Tsinghua or Peking University (China’s top) are often less awed by Ivy League brands after direct exposure.

  • Psychological shift: Once you’ve seen the “inside” of elite institutions, the halo dims; you realize “名校≠人生的唯一成功公式.”

  • Cultural tension: Many Chinese parents carry a “名校情结,” but firsthand experience tempers blind worship.

• “孩子爱上哪上哪爱学啥学啥”

  • Reflects a more liberal, experience-driven parenting philosophy: Let the child choose the school and field that align with their own interest and temperament, not the parental vanity metric.

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3. The Self-Reflection of Returnee Parents

The anecdote about the Tsinghua/Peking U couple who became Ivy League faculty reveals a strategic regret:

• Sequence of Events:

  1. Both top Chinese graduates → PhDs in U.S. → Ivy League faculty positions.

  2. Returned to China for career/family reasons.

  3. Daughter raised in private & international schools → no Ivy League offer.

• The Mother’s Reflection:

  • If they had stayed in the U.S. as Ivy faculty, the child would have had legacy/faculty admission advantages, dramatically improving Ivy chances.

  • Key Reality: Elite U.S. admissions aren’t just about the child’s talent—it’s also about social positioning, access, and institutional politics.

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4. The Cynical Reality Check

Comments like:

“进了又怎样？人生赢家？可以到这里吹了！”
capture a cynicism:

• Getting into Ivy doesn’t automatically guarantee a fulfilling life or happiness.

• Many high-achieving families eventually realize: the real advantage of these schools is networking, branding, and initial platform, not a lifetime of automatic success.

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5. Underlying Cultural Conflict

• Chinese mindset:

  • Still heavily influenced by 学历崇拜 (credentialism).

  • Ivy / 清北 = face + security + future assurance.

• Reality after exposure:

  • Elite admissions are a game of access, timing, and positioning as much as merit.

  • Merit alone is often insufficient; being the right “material” is as much about environment as talent.

  • Some parents feel guilt or regret for not optimizing that game for their child.

H/t: 

• 简直难以相信会有这种想法，大部分清北的觉得名校就这么回事，孩子爱上哪上哪爱学啥学啥 -topicee-   (0 bytes) (14 reads)

 • 同感。很多东西自己亲身体会了就不那么容易上头了 -niuniuxin2006-  

那可能是孩子本身很棒. 清北父母知道孩子是什么料
来源: oops_yz 

说明孩子靠自己进不了藤。
来源: Bebe54321 

楼上理解歪了。不是父母北清就如何。这家长后悔的是放弃藤校faculty。的确教授的孩子就能上自己的学校
来源: Bailey4321 于 2025-08-04

进了又怎样？人生赢家？可以到这里吹了！
来源: 原上草2017 

我觉得不是。 清华北大的不少学生能努力上清华北大， 也是对名誉有特别高的追求。 （我不是说没上的就没有），孩子也不能马虎。表面上不一定会说

来源: 24桥明月夜 

其实华人的名校情结这道坎是不那么容易绕过去的...
来源: xujiang 于 2025-08-03 阅读数 : 5944 (559 bytes)

前一阵子看到一个大陆妈妈写的；夫妻俩都清北毕业，然后一同到了美国，读PhD，后来也都拿到faculty位置，任职某藤校。后来又决定回去大陆。

女儿出生在美国，回去后一路私校，国际学校，但没有拿到一个藤校offer。

这个妈妈反思自己所有走的路/做的决定，觉得自己影响了孩子的发展。

可以肯定的是，如果留在这里做faculty，自己藤校的录取还是非常高。

读了之后，心有戚戚焉。