成熟与成长

编辑：Futureglory

前言：人生就是一张单程列车， 只有向前。人到中年，历经多事，我常常觉得自己到了40几岁才明白许多道理，内心才一天天更新。圣经里的雅各书，教给我如何做一个成熟的人。你如果没有读过，不妨读一读。
成熟的人的五个标志：

1。成熟的人在逆境中保持乐观。
2。成熟的人对人敏感，爱人如己。
3。成熟的人能制服自己的舌头，说让人受益的话。
4。成熟的人制造和平，不制造麻烦。
5。成熟的人能够忍耐和祷告。



下面这篇文章，是一个24岁的年轻人写的， 摘自译言网。
我24岁，住在印度喜马拉雅山北部，作为西藏其中一位令人尊敬的佛学讲师的私人听众。告诉了他，我有多依赖我妈妈之后，他直视我的眼睛，笑了笑，温柔地说，“嗯，你现在要成长了”。再没有任何七个词更加让我那么震撼了。

This post is dedicated to all you people out there who are struggling with bitter sweet agony of growing up. I hope it gives you something to think about.

这篇文章谨献给那些为成长痛并快乐着的人们，我希望它能够让你们有所思考。

John Mayer and the train that can never stop

John Mayer和一列永不停息的火车

If you follow me on Twitter you will probably know that I am a fan of John Mayer. John is one of those rare artists that has an innate ability to put certain life situations into words. In fact, before I started listening to Mayer I would have argued that many of these emotions, desperate mental dramas and secret inner quandaries were unable to be described in ordinary language. They are simply too experiential to be categorized.

如果你在Twitter上关注过我的话，你可能知道我是John Mayer的一个粉丝。John是那些拥有将特定生活转为文字天赋的少有艺术家之一。实际上，在我开始关注Mayer之前，我一直都觉得许多的情绪，绝望的精神戏剧，还有神秘的内心困惑都不能够用普通的语言进行描述。因为它们非常简单，太具有经验性而不可以被单纯归类。

But John manages to. John reconnects me to those mental places with his lyrics. He does it time and time again. And although I am desperately trying to avoid these emotions (because they hurt), I find myself listening to Mayer again and again because it reminds me I am not unique. These emotions are, for the most part, universal to all humans. I have to thank John for that.

但是John就达成了。John用他的歌词让我和那些精神场所相连。他一次又一次的这么做了，并且尽管我拼命地想避免这种情绪（因为它们让我心痛），但是我发现自己还是一遍遍听着Mayer的歌声，因为它提醒我，自己并不是独一无二的那一个。这种情绪大在极大程度上对所有人都是普遍的。我得为此谢谢John。

One John Mayer song that is not particularly critically acclaimed or even well liked amongst his fans is called Stop This Train. It is a song that, whenever I hear it, sends me back to that terrifying place of knowing that, really, we are alone growing up in this world. But, at the same time, it connects you with a feeling of hope because you aren’t the only one in that situation.

John Mayer有一首叫做《停下这辆列车》的歌，这首歌并不特别批判地称赞，甚至都在粉丝中不那么受欢迎，却是一首，无论什么时候我听到，都会将我拉回真正意识到自己正在这个世界上孤独地成长的可怕境界。但是，与此同时，它也以一种希望的感觉将你连接，因为同处这一状况的并不单单只有你一个。

I ask everyone reading this post to watch an incredible solo performance of John singing this song here while taking a look at the lyrics here. Take five minutes out of your day to experience this song and everything it means to you because it gives this article a lot of context.

我希望每一个正在读这篇文章的人可以看看John那首歌精彩绝伦的独唱表演，然后读读歌词。花5分钟的时间体会一下这首歌还有它所提及的一切对你来说意味着什么，因为歌曲给与了这篇文章很多的语境。

Crying, driving away in the dark

痛哭，在黑暗中离开

There comes a point in everyone’s life when they realize there is no turning back. In the song Mayer uses the metaphor of driving away from his parents house, crying, in the dark. We have all had that moment. It might have been when you moved out or when you realized that you could beat your dad at table tennis. For a lot of people it manifests as an extremely empty and hollow realization.

当你意识到已经没有可以回转的余地时，这里便有了那个人人生活中的观点。在歌曲中，Mayor用到了他从父母住处驾车离开，在黑暗中痛哭的暗指。我们大家都有这般类似的体会。它可能会产生于当你搬出去住，或是你在乒乓球对决中击败了老爸的时候。对于许多人来说，像极度空虚和空洞的领悟一般得以证明。

The interesting thing is that some people are more equipped for this moment than others. Some people shut down and start to compensate for this lost youth in negative ways. Others embrace it and look forward to the future. Some people do both. But this moment is pivotal because it is the start of your adulthood. How you deal with this moment has a lot to do with whether you ever really grow up at all – and a lot of people don’t.

很有趣的是，为了此刻一些人比其他人做了更多的武装。有一些人会与过去隔绝，并且开始用一种消极的方式补偿自己失去的青春。另一些人呢，则会迎接这一时刻，并且期盼着幸运降临。还有一些人则会两种方法兼顾。但是这一时刻真的非常关键，因为这是你成年的起点。你如何处理这一时刻，与你能否真正成长息息相关---很多人也其实并没有这么做过。

How to move forward and grow up

如何前进和成长

I am not professing to have all the answers. I still struggle all the time with the idea that I am no longer at home with my mum eating her cooking and asking her for $10 to buy lunch with. I still struggle with the fact that she is going to die one day.

我并不保证会给出所有的答案。因为我现在仍旧都时常会纠结于我不在呆在家里和妈妈一起吃她做的饭菜并要10块钱买午餐的想法。我也仍纠结于她终将会有走向死亡的那一天这样的事实。

But since my conversation with that Buddhist Lama I have made some headway. I am stepping out on my own more and I am starting to enjoy it. Here are some tips on how to grow up well. Tips on how to drive away in the dark knowing that you are going to make it.

我靠我自己踏出了这一步而且我开始享受成长。这里有一些关于如何更好成长的建议。这些建议是关于在知道了自己将要达到这一离开黑暗目标的。

1. Accept it as soon as you can

1. 尽可能快地接受它

Something you are going to need to do eventually is accept that there is no going back. You will have to accept this to grow up well. You can put it off or you can stand up tall and do it now. There is never any going back to the old days. The old days are like a dead person and you cannot revive a dead person no matter how much you long for them.

一些你需要去做的事情最终要被接受，因为再也无法回头。你将不得不为了更好地成长而接受这一事实。你可以拖延或者也可以振作起来，立即行动。对于旧时光真的无法回头，它就像故去的人一样，无论你多么渴望与他们同在，也不可能把他们复活。

I encourage everyone who is struggling to grow up to accept fact that the past is gone and it is never coming back. Move forward. Its all you have.

我鼓励每一个纠结于成长的人来接受过去的已经过去而且一去不复返这一事实。朝前走，这才是你所要做的。

2. Give up the memory reliving

2. 放弃回忆复活

If you are a healthy adult who has dealt with the growing up process well then there is nothing wrong with a little nostalgic reminiscing. But if you are buying sports cars, having affairs, trying to relive your youth or struggling with the depression of getting old then these memories can drive you mad. You need to give them up.

如果你是一个健全的成年人，很好地处理过成长过程，那么一小点儿的怀旧情绪是没什么问题啦。但是如果你买一部跑车，弄出风流韵事，尝试再度体验你的青春，或是纠结于变老的沮丧中，这些回忆会把你整疯。你必须放弃它们。

One of my worst traits is that I think to much. This inability to quiet my mind was one of the main reasons I was struggling to grow up. I would constantly play out the old days in my head, wishing, praying that I could go back to high school when things were simpler. But after I was gently told to “grow up” by my teacher I decided that it was time to leave these things behind and move on. And I have never been so happy.

会考虑很多我一个最糟糕的特质。这种对思想安定的无能为力是我一直纠结于成长的主要原因之一。我会在脑海中不断地翻出旧日时光，祈祷会重回高中，那个事事简单的时光。但是当老师温柔地告诉我要“长大”的时候，我决定是时候将这些时光抛在脑后，往前走了。这之后，我也变得从未有过的开心。

The best way you can do this is by starting to become a little better at mediation. You don’t have to sit on a cushion and close your eyes but you do have to start becoming friends with your mind. Learn to watch your thoughts. Learn how they arise and subside without leaving any trace at all. When you do this they cease to control you.

你做这条建议最好的一个方法就是通过开始在沉思中变得稍微好一些。你不必坐在垫子上合起双眼，但是你需要和你的思想成为朋友。学着监控你的思想，学会在毫不留下痕迹的状况下明白思想是如何出现，又是如何平息的。当你这样做的时候，它们便不再控制你了。

3. Find out the cause

3. 找出原因

Often the pain associated with growing up can be linked to something else. Why are you feeling like this? Why are you missing the old days? If you can find another cause you might be able to get on top of those feelings.

通常与成长有关的痛楚会与一些别的事情有关联。为什么你这么想？为什么你怀念旧日时光？如果你能够找到其他原因，你可能便会凌驾于那些感情之上了。

For example, if you are really stressed because you think your wife is cheating on you then, undoubtedly, you are going to be longing for the old days where life was more simple. In this situation it isn’t the growing up that is causing the problem, it is some ancillary factor. Find out what is bringing these thoughts up and deal with it as soon as possible.

打个比方，如果因为你觉得妻子对自己不忠而着实压力很大，毋庸置疑，你会渴望原来那种更简单的生活。在这种状况下，并不是成长而是其他的附属因素导致了这个问题。找到产生这种想法的原因，然后尽可能快速地进行处理。

4. Don’t recreate

4. 不要重复过去。

Trying to recreate the old days by going out with your mates all the time, skirting your responsibilities to your family, etc. is not going to solve the issue. A lot of people (men in particular) deal with the issue by not dealing with it. It is tempting here to grab you by your shirt collar and shake you while yelling, “Grow the F up man!” But of course that wouldn’t help.

试着通过和你的伙伴一直厮混在一起来重造旧日时光，逃避家庭责任等等并不是在解决问题。很多人（特别是男士）通过逃避来处理问题。真想拎起你们的衣领，喊着：“伙计，快成长起来吧！”晃着你们。但是，当然这样做并没什么用。

We need to have a sense of honor in these situations by accepting the fact that we aren’t dealing with the problem very well. Trying to recreate the good ole days is not useful, nor will it make you feel better. As soon as you get in the cab to go home you will be back to that empty space. Recreating is living in the past and the past is a dead person. Remember?

在这种情况下我们需要通过接受我们并没有很好地处理这件事儿的事实获得一种荣誉感。试着重造好的旧时光并不奏效，也不会让你觉得好过些。当你坐在回家的汽车驾驶座上时，你就将回到那个真空地带。重造就是活在过去，记得吗，过去就像已故的人一样不可挽回。

5. Find good company

5. 找到好伙伴

You are shaped in a big way by the people around you. If you are surrounded by 30 year old men who still wear their school jackets and go out drinking every night then you are going to go down with them. If, however, you hang out with people who are making progress, living and really trying to better themselves then you too will begin to move forward.

很大程度上，你周围的人影响着你的成型。如果你常和一群30岁了，却还仍旧穿着校服每晚喝的醉醺醺的老男人 出去鬼混，你就会逐渐受到他们的影响。如果，不是这样的话，你和一些经常进步，而且真正去提高自己的人在一起，你就会开始也提高自身。

Finding good company is a massive part of growing up. It is a stark and bitter day when you realize that most of your buddies from high school are assholes and that you need new mates. You feel extremely alone. You have to find new people. But you will. And when you do you will be so much better off. Of course not everyone’s buddies from school are assholes. But a lot of the time they will hold you back because, as a group, you can just stay alive in the past.

寻找好伙伴是成长中一个很庞大的部分。但你意识到你大部分高中时候的好朋友都是混蛋而你此刻需要新的伙伴的时候，真的是到了很郁郁寡欢而且荒凉的时刻。你感觉极度地孤单，你必须要找到新的伙伴。但是你一旦这么做了，一定比现在这样好多了。当然了，并不是每一个人学校里的伙伴都是垃圾， 但是绝大部分时间他们会牵绊你，因为作为一个群体，你只能在过去的时光里栩栩如生。

6. Understand that things change

6. 明白事事变迁

When the 16th Karmapa was on his death bed his students asked him to sum up his life’s experience and wisdom into one small teaching. After a brief pause he turned to them and simple said, “Things change”.

当学生们恳请病榻上的十六世Karmapa将其人生经历和智慧总结在一个很小的教义中时，在一个简短停顿之后，老人转向他们简简单单地说：“世事变迁”。

These two words are the quintessence of growing up. These two simple words summarize everything that you need to know about life. Things change and when you fail to grasp that truth you suffer. Nothing lasts and nothing stays the same. Embrace that chaos and find some peace by letting go.

这四个字正是成长的精华所在，也是你需要了解人生所有事情的最好总结。世事变迁，而且你也未能领会承受折磨的真相。世事无永恒，没有永恒。请拥抱混乱，通过放下寻找到一些宁静。

Conslusion

结论

So you have two options. You can fight to stop the train or you can go with it. As corny and cliche as it sounds, you really have to learn how to cope because there is no going back. Your youth is gone and all you have is now and, if you are lucky, the future. Have you grown up yet?

所以，你有两个选择。你可以决斗来阻止这辆列车，或者你也可以和它一道同行。它听起来是那么毫无新意又陈词滥调，你真的需要学会如何对付它，因为时光一去不复返了。你的青春已经消逝，你所拥有的就是现在，如果你幸运的话，还有未来。那么，你成长了吗？

If you have any advice to give anyone or if you yourself have struggled with growing up please leave a comment and share your experience. It might really help someone.

如果你有一些好的建议，或者如果你自己正纠结于成长这个问题的话，请留下评论，和我们一起分享你的经历。这真的会很有帮助。