教育孩子，从大人做起

孩子这次没有考好，我们两个都责骂了他。我是一个喜欢钻牛角尖的人，喜欢追求完美。先生平常表现都克制，但其实也是对孩子要求很严格，两个人心里都给孩子设了标准，只是标准不同。都是没办法管住自己的嘴巴。我每次责骂了孩子以后，我心里是后悔的。希望有人骂一骂自己。劳工倒是在我控制不住自己时候会批评我，可他自己控制不住的时候，没有办法听别人的劝说。基本上书上说的那些不可以对孩子讲的，他都讲过。我当然也做的不好。
想了很久，觉得不可以这样下去了，写了一封信给先生，希望我们在对孩子的教育上能实现突破:


教育孩子我的一点想法‏:

其实，孩子一直是那个孩子，只是我们还不够了解他们。明明是深爱着他们，可在他们的表现和自己的期望不同时，我们没有办法管住自己的嘴巴和情绪。 “你真笨！”“我对你太失望啦”“你怎莫连这末简单的都不会“  “别的同学怎莫都会你不会“ “你是猪脑子吗？“    所有的这些话不但不能起任何作用，还可能会把我们深爱的孩子推向深渊。自卑，没有信心，或者厌学。
我们的情绪发泄啦，都尽情地扔给了幼小的孩子，他们不仅自己难过，还要承受大人发泄给他们的压力。长期这样，你觉得他们会越来越好吗？
 
我想，要先从改变自己心态和情绪开始，对孩子还是以鼓励为主。我们互相帮助。是不容易做到。但我们尽量不说伤害孩子的话。尽量耐心多一点。不管小孩做的好不好，我们总的来说要让他们知道我们的爱，鼓励他们。最起码，让他们的童年是快乐而又自信的。
我们一起努力吧！

[简单鱼]

非常谢谢你们的留言。stephen R 说的很有道理。可是我不敢冒险。真的放手让他们自己去，又担心后果。毕竟孩子还是要适应那个教育系统。对于孩子，是要让他们能有自由发展的空间，可我们也必须要有所介入。这个度，和什么该介入，是很难把握的。

[雪花漂飘]

你还是一位好妈妈。 至少你内心知道说那些话不对。 但因为自己成长背景还是忍不住说了， 相信你会很快就会改过来。你能这样做已经很不错。 以前说过的不好听的话孩子们会很快被你的赞美的话所替代。 有时我也很吃惊孩子们只要你对他们好一点， 他们对你好十点。

[TravelerCheck]

I found Stephen R. Covery's experience with his son in his book"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" inspiring. Just to share some with you:

"...Instead of trying to change him, we (Stephen and his wife) tried to stand apart-to seperate us from him-and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth."

"...Through deep thought and exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms of his own uniqueness. We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own pace and speed. We decided to relax and get out of his way and let his own personality emerge. We saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him. We also conscientiously worked on our motives and cultivated internal sources of secuity so that our own feelings of worth were not depent on our children's "acceptable" behavior."

"...We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him. We stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations. We stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold. Because we saw him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the radicule of others..."

[laoxiangxyz1]

Good point, Thanks