对待父母－爱和责任

 

父母是不能选择的，但我们可以选择怎样对待父母。 这是几段我对下面这段发言的回复。她的父母在她失业时多次说她没用，在她不想为他们做什么，比如担保他们出国，时威胁要和她断绝关系。

“What was the most hurtful things your parents have told you? For example, my parents had told me many times that I am useless when I was laid off.   My parents have also threatened to cut off ties if I would not do sth for them.  For example, when I don't think sponsoring a relative is a good idea.”

 

＝＝回复1＝＝

Be independent first. Then, to your parents, do whatever that won't make you regret later. If the relationship is not nurturing, at least do not let it be torturing -- you can stay away from them, cut your emotional tie to them.

Be close to those positive people and those who can give you support emotionally. Trust yourself, be strong, be happy.

Believe or not, to many of us, our parents are not really as loving as we used to think. They are rather selfish. We can still love ourselves, we can still hold up to our believes of love from other people, the loving kind of people.

Hugs



＝＝回复2＝＝

和自己亲生父母在情感上划清界限难比登天，但当不这样就不能保有独立完整的自己时 就必须听从理智。每个人把自己的日子过好是一个成年人最起码的责任。中国的很多父母养儿主要为了防老，骨子里是自私的。对这样的父母，尽量吧，只要今后不后悔就行了。

Look after yourself first.



 

＝＝回复3＝＝

妹妹，和父母亲的关系是发展中的。你渐渐由弱变强他们慢慢由强变弱，中间 有个转折点，就是他们发现你真地长大了要对你刮目相看了。这之后彼此尊重，有事情认真商量，彼此倾听和考虑对方的难处和意见。其实对孩子的尊重老早以前就应当有的，但有些父母却要等到这个转折点。当然有些父母可能永远也到不了这一点。不考虑这最后一些父母，对绝大多数父母, for that matter,  对绝大多数自己之外的人，尊重和刮目相看是赢来的，包括爱人。

你父母亲说的这些话真是非常伤人，但我们没有必要以牙还牙，他们有他们的难处，中外有巨大的文化差异，他们的话和行为在他们的环境里也许不象在北美时听起来这样abusive。我们可以坚强。他们有一天如果能过上北美的生活也会开始改变。好好照顾自己，尽早到达那个转折点。力所能及时，照顾和看看他们，毕竟他们生养了我们。

没有哪个人不想得到无条件的爱，但这件事如此飘渺，不如把脑子和行动用到更切实的事情上去。发展自己的专业，锻炼身体，培养爱好，参加活动，读书，劳动，。。。

咱们扫树叶去了。:)