【howcan vs 阿诺】Love and In Love

2008-04-21
http://web.wenxuecity.com/BBSView_archives.php?SubID=romance&MsgID=397107&yr=2008

love and in love

来源: howcan 于 08-04-21 06:27:20
回答: 现在的婚姻更是为了防止爱情的出现而设立的 由 故宫总理 于 2008-04-21 04:10:12

Years ago, I read an article from a local news paper. The following isrecorded from memory:
-----------------------------------------------------

"In love" state was designed to help us achieve an important historicaltask. When people are "in love", they exaggerate the other's goodqualities, minimize bad qualities. It is designed to facilitate matingand help the human race keep propagating. If there is no "in love"state, very few of us will be able to find partners. As time goes by,we will get out of the "in love" state, and transform it into deeperlove -- a situation we can tolerate, or even love, some of the other'sbad qualities. Time will also expose some the the qualities that ourpartner found difficult to tolerate. To keep the marrige alive we needto put in constant effort.

In the end, human being are animals. Man has biological reasons tomaximize the seed they spread, that is the basic reason why some mentend to "fall in love" again and again even after marriage. Woman onlyhas one egg a month. Woman who engage in multiple partners either haspsychological problems, or their marriage is really bad, yet for somereason they do not want to divorce. In some cases, women have roots forpsychological defect and exacerbated by husband's cheating, theyinterpret their husband's betray as her not being a good enough woman,inadquancy start to develop from there.

On the other hand, human being are different from any other kind ofanimals. We are cultivated and we take social responsibities. Whenfaced with tempertations, love towards our spouses and awareness of ouranimal instinct help us keep in track.

---

You're right. "Be in love with" and "love" are very different things.

来源: 我叫瓦伦铁诺 于 08-04-21 10:27:07
回答: love and in love 由 howcan 于 2008-04-21 06:27:20

"Be in love with" is an infatuation, which is passionate andirrational. "Love" is a rational and disciplined giving behavior,leading to the spiritual growth of both the loving and the loved sides.A successful marriage might start with two people being in love witheach other, but can only persist between two people loving each other.The love between a couple has to be transformed from the infatuation,which means the relationship marked as "being in love with" ends.

---

too many people think they do not "love" anymore

来源: howcan 于 08-04-21 12:11:34
回答: You're right. "Be in love with" and "love" are very different th 由 我叫瓦伦铁诺 于 2008-04-21 10:27:07

when the "in love" state ends. The "in love" feeling is a lot stronger,so they thought "I love the other one better".

---

People think they do not "love" anymore because

来源: 我叫瓦伦铁诺 于 08-04-21 12:52:22
回答: too many people think they do not "love" anymore 由 howcan 于 2008-04-21 12:11:34

they feel hurt in their previous "in love" experiences. People get hurtprobably because they didn't love themselves enough, so they lostthemselves due to the infatuation to the ones they were in love with.

The feeling of "in love" is much more intense and passionate, yet isalso much more unstable and short-lived. "In love" is like drugs,producing extreme pleasure that can only exist for a short time, while"love" is the real strong force that lasts long and helps one growspiritually.

---

absolutely agree! -howcan- ♀   (0 bytes) (8 reads) 4/21/08

I'm very happy that we share this point of view. Thank you. :) -我叫瓦伦铁诺- ♂   (0 bytes) (9 reads) 4/21/08

same here :) -howcan- ♀   (0 bytes) (13 reads) 4/21/08