feeling bad (小坏蛋的e-mail)

chou chou,

I don't have the mood to do anything without you.

Everyday when I was in the office, I was just sitting in front of the computer and thinking about you. When I got home, I could feel your mark everywhere in our home.

Sometimes I could not help thinking that you haven't loved me or liked me at all. You were together with me just because you wanted to try some sex fantasy. You treated me well just because I could make you happy in bed or you didn't want to hurt my feelings. You know, at the beginning, I really felt like that, so sometimes I tried to prevent myself from treating you too well. That's why you felt I was tired of you. I was playing the game to protect my dignity. I become less and less confident after you left me. I lost all my dignity in front of you.

Your promise sounds too good to be true. How long can it last? As time goes by, you will think about me less and less. Before you left, it was 10%; now it might be 7%. After several months, it might turn to be 0.000000001%. Only the fact that we were once living together but not me will enter your mind in some unpredictable moment. That's why I am so eagerly to see you. I am very desperate about our future. I cannot help tearing whenever I think about this.

When you were here, you would rather play games than sit by me and hold me and chat with me, which made me think that I was ignored. You made me feel that you were hiding your true mind and avoiding knowing my thought. You made me think that the only thing you care on me was to try your sex fantasy.

I don't know whether this email will make you mad. Don't you agree that we seldom communicate? I remember the first few days when we got together, you sent me several emails. Once you mentioned  you had saved all the records. But now you are so parsimonious to write a word to me. Waiting for your email is so dissapointed. Reading your email is no fun. Could you be mercy to write some words to me when you get time?

chou chou, I want to show my smily face to you every day. I want you hear my happy voice every day. I am relunctant to complain to you. If you really don't have any feeling on me, I will let you go, though I will be depress to death. But as I always wish from you, be honest to your heart.

Without marriage, I still can survive. Without the backup solution to have babies, how can I live?

missing you every second,
xiao huai dan