舒风行云
选择我爱，爱我选择！
看到一篇趣文，觉得蛮有意思的，发来大家工作之余调节调节。
女人 women （中英文对照）
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
如果你亲她, 那你就没有绅士风度
If you don't, you are not a man
可是如果你不亲她, 那你就不算男子汉!
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
如果你赞美她, 她会认为你只是在奉承她
If you don't, you are good for nothing
但要是你不赞美她, 那你就一无是处了!
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
如果你完全同意她的话, 那你真无能。
If you don't, you are not understanding
要是你不同意, 那就表示你根本不了解。
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'
假如你把气氛控制的很浪漫, 你就一定是情场老手。
If you don't you are half a man
如果不是, 那你根本还不够成熟。
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
如果你太常去找她, 她会觉得烦腻。
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
但是如果你不去找她, 她会责备你欺骗她的感情。
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
你要是穿的帅一点, 她会说你是花花公子。
If you don't, you are a dull boy
穿的破烂点, 那你又是笨头笨脑的家伙。
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
如果你吃醋, 她会说这样是不对的。
If you don't , she thinks you do not love her
可是如果你完全不吃醋, 她又会认为你根本不爱她。
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
你如你试图对她调情, 她会认为你不尊重她。
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
但要是你一直规规矩矩的, 她又会觉得你不喜欢她。
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
你若是迟到一分钟, 她会抱怨等的多累多苦。
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
要是她自己迟到了, 她会说女孩子约会迟到是理所当然的。
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
如果你去找你的朋友, 她说你乱花时间。
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
如果是她, 她会说 "喔, 这很自然啊, 女孩子都是这样。
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
如果你偶而才吻她一下, 她会到处说你这人很冷漠。
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
如果你经常吻她, 她会大叫说你吃她豆腐。
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
如果你过马路的时候没有照顾她, 那你这人缺乏道德。
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
要是你小心照顾她过马路, 她又会说这是男人的花招。
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
你若是凝视某个女人, 她会指责你是到处对女生调情。
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
如果是其他男人瞪着她看, 她会说他们只是欣赏而已。
If you talk, she wants you to listen
如果你跟她说话, 她希望你只要听就好。
If you listen, she wants you to talk
如果你只倾听, 她又要你和她说话。
Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
上天啊, 你创照了这些叫做女人的生物。
So simple, yet so complex
既简单又复杂。
So weak, yet so powerful
如此柔弱, 却又如此强悍。
So confusing, yet so desirable
让人又恼又爱。
So damning, yet so wonderful...
真伤人又奇妙。
Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
上天啊, 你创照了这些叫做女人的生物。
这不过是浪漫情人的女人，还缺贤妻良母型女。
I really though about this. But too busy to write in Chinese. I hope there's a machine that can write down what you are thinking.
Here's more about MAN:
男人有两种。有一种男人，他走到你身边，往那儿一站，凛然正气，你突然就紧张起来，头脑缺氧，手脚冰凉，全部的自信像散了架的木桶里的水，稀哩哗啦淌了一地……
另一种男人，他走到你身边，往那儿一站，什么话也不说，只冲你笑笑，你顿时就觉得温暖起来，全部的自信像听到了一声起床号的士兵，从各个角落里冲出来，集合在你的心里……