周末一笑: 蘑菇与毒菌(转载)

1 蘑菇与毒菌 Mushroom and Toadstool
 

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
 

年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒菌区别开呢?

年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。
 

2 省钱 Save Money
 

Henry was from the United States and he had come to London for a holiday.

One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said,” I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr. Kenneth Grey, 61010."

Henry said“Thank you very much. Is he expensive?"

"Well, "the clerk answered, "He always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies for later visits."

Henry decided to save 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said “I’ve come again, doctor."

For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything.

Then he nodded and said“Oh, yes. “ He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time."
 

亨利是个美国人,他到伦敦来度假。

有一天他感到身体不舒服,于是走到旅馆服务台对服务员说:“我想看病,你能给我推荐一位好医生吗?”

服务员查阅了一下本子,然后说:“肯尼思·格雷医生,61010。"

亨利说:“非常感谢,他收费贵吗?”

“喔,”服务员回答说:“他对初诊患者收费两英镑,复诊收费一点五英镑。”

亨利想节省五十便士,所以他去看病时对医生说:“我又来了,医生。”

医生仔细端详着他的面孔,几秒钟没说话。

然后点点头说:“哦,是的。”给他做完检查以后,医生说:“病情发展正常。继续服用上次我给你开的药吧。”
 

3 医生和兔子 The Doctor and the Rabbit
 

Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
 

兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病？

医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。
 

4 大手 Big hands
 

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Student: Big hands.
 

老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？

学生：大手。
 

5 哲学考试  Philosophy Test
 

John and Tom chose the philosophy course this term.

The teacher said, “Boys, you need to take a test before you can get the credits.”

So they took the test and the next day they came back to see the result. "Well,” the teacher said, “Both of you got the same score except I’m going to fail Tom.”

Tom complained, “Don’t you think that’s prejudice or something?”

"Well, "the teacher said, “Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and John answered ’I don’t know, ’and then when I looked at your paper. You answered, ‘me either'.”
 

约翰和汤姆这学期选修了哲学课。

老师说:“孩子们，你们得参加一次考试才能得到学分。”

他们就参加考试了，第二天，他们来看成绩。老师说:“你们成绩一样，但是汤姆不能及格。”

汤姆袍怨说:“您不觉得这是一种歧视或其他什么吗?”

“好吧，”老师说，“让我来告诉你们是怎么回事儿。你们俩的卷子都答得很好，但是在最后一道题目，约翰答道‘我不会’，而当我看你的卷子时，你答道‘我也不会’。”
 

6 时间对猪有什么意义? What’s time to a pig?
 

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn’t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What’s time to a pig?"
 

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
 

(From internet)
 

[南山松]

回复 'fengdaming' 的评论 :
fengdaming好! 有人一作弊就露馅~
fengdaming,周末快乐!

[fengdaming]

选5.不过中国也有类似的笑话。

[南山松]

回复 '闲闲客' 的评论 :
哈哈哈,老人家聪明,不会为了你拔的蘑菇冒生命的危险~~~
闲闲客,周五快乐!

[闲闲客]

哈哈哈毒蘑菇，我曾经在单位的草地边拔了一堆灰色的蘑菇，上班时间偷跑回家让我妈煮鸡汤，兴冲冲下班后发现，我妈怕死鸡汤里根本不放一片我的蘑菇。。。

[南山松]

回复 'SnowFallingOnWater' 的评论 :
哈哈，雪花，那真是只幸福的猪～～～
雪花，新周快乐！

[SnowFallingOnWater]

还是猪最幸福。。。哈哈哈。。。。来晚了，不过还是要读松松的笑话

[南山松]

回复 '夏圓' 的评论 :
哈哈,圓圓,沾花惹草也不容易啊:)
圓圓,周末快乐!

[夏圓]

忙着在自留地里沾花惹草，累坏了！到松松这儿来轻松一下，笑一笑，感觉真好！谢谢松松！

[南山松]

回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
花甲老翁好!周末快乐!

[南山松]

回复 '美丽风景' 的评论 :
美丽好! 有人太节约了:)
美丽,周末快乐!

[花甲老翁]

我也笑了。。哈哈哈哈的笑。。精明的老師

[美丽风景]

这么省钱? 哈哈。 妹妹周末愉快！

[南山松]

回复 'nycman' 的评论 :
纽约美眉好!第四个老师想要的答案估计是两手一共几个橘子.小朋友没想到要做加法:)
看了你最近的几个贴,退休计划很实用啊,等待你的下一集介绍.
谷歌高管很可惜,那么年轻有才.
纽约美眉,周末快乐!

[nycman]

回复 '南山松' 的评论 : 第四个，学生回答正确，不是吗？
你家的白菜肉包子太香了，根本挤不进去，只在门口闻闻味，就留着口水走了。
下次要换大蒸锅呀。。。。。人手不够，可以请我呀。我的手艺比隔壁只会包大眼包子的王大娘好太多了！

[南山松]

回复 'warsonwang' 的评论 :
就喜欢花生MM哈哈的笑:)
花生MM,周末快乐!

[南山松]

回复 '尼斯' 的评论 :
被尼斯这样表扬,真是感到自豪~~~

[warsonwang]

我笑了。。哈哈哈哈的笑。。

[尼斯]

回复'绿叶唤唤'的评论：
妹子啊，你以后要好好学习学习你松姐姐才是，介样才不会吃到面团啊呵呵

[南山松]

回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
点点好!还是点点看的开,可怜的小兔子啊~
点点,周末快乐!

[南山松]

回复 '绿叶唤唤' 的评论 :
唤唤好好休息吧,争取下次跑快点儿~

[spot321]

周末好！又到了看笑话的时间了，哈，试吃蘑菇的办法很实用，其实就在生死一瞬间，照这个样子来看，估计兔子的命也悬了。谢谢小松！祝愉快！

[绿叶唤唤]

回复 '南山松' 的评论 : 主要是刚才没抢到焖面，就不开森，就笑不出来，下次松姐姐给我留点，我肯定笑得哈哈哈的。

[南山松]

回复 '绿叶唤唤' 的评论 :
唤唤的笑点太高了~
唤唤,周末快乐!

[绿叶唤唤]

西方的幽默，我很难找到笑点。

还是觉得松姐姐说二哥的话更可乐，哈哈哈

[南山松]

回复 '特高兴' 的评论 :
那是不是特高兴小时候的回答~~~
特高兴,周末快乐!

[特高兴]

哈哈哈喜欢大手那一段。出乎意料

[南山松]

回复 '尼斯' 的评论 :
尼斯,焖面好了,我赶快吃去~~~
尼斯,周末快乐!

[尼斯]

与燕子妹子挤一挤看笑话
阿松你可真行啊，你让我一大早起来就有急迫感了，不是扁豆炒面是焖面焖面。你睡吧，起来吃焖面哈

[南山松]

回复 '京燕花园' 的评论 :
哈哈,燕子好! Hope the younger scout don't listen to the older one~
Yanzi, have a nice weekend!

[京燕花园]

1,the older scout is like a teacher: who always has an answer!
2, trick or treat....
3,maybe the rabbit's carrot remedy contains toadstool?!
4, the students would like the teacher to play magic tricks with his BIG hand
5,Tom has good eyesight^_^
6,the farmer is so humble! he has an easy life~~~~