南山松
阳光明媚清风起，微波荡漾碧蓝天。
正文
1 一个金发美女和她的热水瓶 A Blonde and Her Thermos
At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it's for, and he responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Soup and ice cream."
在上班的时候，一个金发美女注意到她的室友有一个保温瓶。
她问他那是做什么用的，他回答：“它能给热的东西保温，给凉的东西冷藏。”
金发美女当即就买了一个。第二天，她去上班的时候骄傲地展示着她的保温瓶。
她的室友问：“你里面放什么了？”
金发美女说：“汤和冰淇淋。”
2 第一次坐飞机 First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”
“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”
3 第一次与最后一次 My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
George was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。
乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”
升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。
后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”
乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
4 钉子还是苍蝇？A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favor.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully and slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。
于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。
这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。
5 角色逆转 Reversal of Roles
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous.
Can you tell me and the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?"
"Landmines," said the Kuwaiti woman. . .
芭芭拉·沃尔特斯写了海湾战争前在科威特几年的性别角色的故事。她指出，女性习惯走在她们的丈夫背后大约10英尺的地方。
最近她回到了科威特并发现，现在的男人走到他们的妻子后面几码。
沃尔特斯女士走近其中一名妇女说：“这真是了不起的。
你能告诉我，是自由世界让这里的女性实现这一奇妙的角色逆转？“
“地雷”科威特妇女答道. . .
6 未能通过数学考试 Failing the math test
A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
一个10岁的犹太男孩未能通过数学考试。他的父母尝试了一切，从教师到催眠; 但无济于事。最后，在一个家庭的朋友的坚持下，他们决定报名参加他们的儿子在一所私立天主教学校。
第一天后，男孩的父母惊讶地发现，在放学后他表情严肃凝重还很坚定地从他们身边经过，径直进入他的房间，静静地关上了门。
近两个小时里，他关在自己的房间 - 数学的书籍散落了他的书桌和周围的地面。他用了足够的时间来吃饭，后迅速清理他的盘子，径直回到自己的房间，关上了门，并狂热地工作学习，直到睡觉时间。
这种行为模式一直持续到第一季度的成绩单出来的时候。男孩走了进来，把未开封的成绩单放在餐桌上，并径直回到他的房间。他的母亲小心翼翼的打开了它，让她吃惊的是，她看到一个大红色的'A' 在数学的科目下。
大喜过望，她和丈夫冲进儿子的房间，高兴他显著的进展。“是不是修女地功劳？”父亲问。
男孩摇摇头说：“不是。”
“是不是一对一的单辅导？同伴的帮助？”
“不是。”
“教科书？老师？课程？”
“不是”，儿子说。“在第一天，当我走在前门，看见那家伙钉在十字架上，我就知道他们是认真的！”
(from Internet)
wawale好! 你好聪明啊, 看了开头就知道结尾了:)
wawale,周末快乐!
问好点点! 特技飞行真不是每个人都能承受的,耶稣的力量的确伟大:)
点点,周末快乐!
哈哈, 雪花, 黑发的智商无需置疑:)
雪花, 周末快乐!
nycman好! 小家伙一误解, 效果还特别好:)
nycman,周末快乐！
周末愉快！
谢谢家mm点评:)
周末快乐!
哈哈,含嫣,这大概是红颜遭妒吧:)
含嫣,周末快乐!
小小好! 我家也没暖水瓶,但有个电热水壶,几分钟就能烧开,水开后如果不拔插座可以继续保温.不过我们喝凉白开都没问题,所以水开了就拔了电了.
小小,周末快乐!
说到暖水瓶，在国内是每家必备，可来美国后，发现美国人家庭都不用暖水瓶似的，
松松家有暖水瓶吗？我家现在木有，喝水就用咖啡机现煮，或冷水进微波炉打几分钟，哈哈：））
谢谢松松分享，周末快乐！
Thanks Rebecca, I am glad you like it:)
Rebecca, have a nice weekend!
Songsong, have a nice weekend.