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Church Bulletins-zt

(2009-02-01 20:11:29) 下一个
Church Bulletins

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS)
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


希望上边这些拿教堂取笑的话不会惹恼上帝,我只是觉得很好笑,所以贴上来让大家一起笑笑而已。:)
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阅读 ()评论 (10)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 忘了说正题了,歌儿的这贴真好笑.

也是觉得那个"Bring your husbands' 的利害.
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复阿小饼的评论:

饼饼,这么多人黄世你,我就不黄世你了.
我这里去给你端杯热水来,再捎上一盘新鲜水果.:)
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复史探长的评论:

探长厉害,我就知道你能圆满地完成任务! :)
歌儿 回复 悄悄话 哈哈泰迪熊又出来了,饼妹,为了黄世你,大家什么好吃的都想出来了,你就继续抹把汗,加油吧!
我是幸运儿 回复 悄悄话 "It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands." - 哈哈,这个厉害
TeddyBearPancake 回复 悄悄话 搞笑三饼行 :)
PP. 回复 悄悄话 回复饼姐姐的评论:
饼子,真不舍得逼你. 可是为了大伙的利益,还是把你给牺牲了吧, 我们都太想看地铁了,快把第10集交出来!
阿小饼 回复 悄悄话 回复史探长的评论:我憋,我憋,我一定憋。。。。哈哈哈
你真逗!
明儿答姐妹们的留言,谢谢姐妹们了。。。我真感动

现在史大饼子你是最搞笑的了,我们是搞笑三人行了。。。哈哈哈
史探长 回复 悄悄话 回复饼姐姐的评论:
饼,你先别哈哈,快把第10集交出来!本探长在线急等。。。:))
饼姐姐 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈哈
沙发!
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