WXC跨坛由czdftm讲的故事引发出轨的讨论

来源: czdftm 于 09-11-06 12:36:32

My ongoing story

don't know how to start....I am sure there will be lots of blame if I told you all the stories...but here is the story which is ongoing in my life right now.
My marriage has big problems, haven't slept with my husband for years, we do not have any kind of physical contact... we have a 5 yrs old son...
We had extremely bad time last winter, almost went to court because of he hit me...so frustrating, really want some cuddles and kisses to live on...
and I found the website about married people looking for affairs, registered, found him, he was little different, the photos he put there is not a very nice one, he looks sad in that pics...we met after almost 1 months phone call and msn...he is funny, cute, good daddy, handyman, I like to talk to him...we kissed on the fifth meet, and had sex on the sixth one, and then from that time on, everything is out of controll, I like to have sex with him, feels his caring when we doing that, and his smell too...
At the same time, I feel bad about myself, not because of the guilty, but just feel I lost my principle, I was kind of look down of people who is doing this, and now I am the person doing this... what a joke..
Tried to give up him several times, but it was so hard, and we end up together sooner...
I went for vacation myself and came back, still stay with him...
The second day when I was back from vacation, he told me that his wife moved out almost since we first met, the reason he didn't tell me before is because he wants to make sure his wife gone smoothly...
Now, he and his wife take care of their 2 kids in turn...
I went to his home to meet him in the midnight, he left door open....and I came back home in the morning....
So enjoy the feeling and the sex with him...but is this right? Should be no...
I asked myself if I want to have future with this guy, I was wondering...
I asked him why not just find some free women, he said he is so into me, and want to keep me for a while...
I know, am I stupid?
In my age, 37, with kind of younger looking, should I stay like this? or should I leave him, should I tell him to leave me until I am out of my marriage?
I was thinking about what kind of relationship I want, it should be great if I have a bf, and still live with my son in different places, do not want to go into marriage anymore...
In here, I mean North America, I feel so lonely...
Need ur guys help, give me a punch, wake me up....
I don't want hurt him, I want him know that I love him, but just feel so unsecure...the feeling is killing me...

My ongoing story-continue
谢谢各位的回复和讨论：大家说得很好，当有了肉体关系，你很难从里面脱身。。。
从开始到现在，每天50几条短信，几个小时的MSN， 是让我有恋爱的幻觉，更何况在情感上我是如此的饥渴。。。我想我是爱上他了，他有所有我想要的东西。。。不过只是我们认识的途径并不是那么的美好， 那是已婚人士寻找婚外情的网站阿。。。正因为如此，我才有了这么多的烦恼，我爱他，又不能相信他，我依恋他又不能做到收放自如。。。多少次，我躺在他的身 边，想着，就这样吧，就当是个性伙伴好了，可是做不到， 对我，可能对大多数女人来说性和爱是不可以分离的。。。
在我的生命里，在2009年的那个夏天七月，我们每晚相见，每天疯狂做爱，我想已经够了。。。。
他有他的无奈，今天他说下班接我一起去散步的，可是到了下班时间他又要去接孩子， 我生气我无奈，可是又能如何。。。我还怀疑，尽管我鄙视自己的这些想法，可是我无法不胡思乱想。。。
于是有了下面的那个帖子。。。
谢谢你们， 真的，真的需要你们给我一记耳光打醒我。。。
我在下班的路上已经改了我的手机号码，这样我就不用再期盼着他的信息了，每天几十个短信已经让我开始习惯，我必须要走出来。。。
姐妹们，帮帮我吧。。。
想给他写封EMAIL， 告诉他我爱他所以离开他，想好好祝福他。。。其实大家都不容易。。。
合适吗？

My ongoing story- the first day after I changed my cell

my husband found out because I changed my cell phone number... is it funny? He found out when I start break up with that guy...
of course, he woke me up to tell him everything, he called the number since he got the cell phone bill... no one answered the call...of course...
And I told him almost everything in calm...just want to divorce...I don't love him anymore, but what everything going smoothly...
He woke up my son in 3am before, because we had a fight... so hardly I can trust him to do some really bad thing to my son, also his son...keep my son safe and myself alive become the priority...
And I called him by my home phone to leave a message ask him not returning any messages and calls...
And then I went back to bed...
I went to work earlier and felt better, at least my feeling was not interrupt by those love txt messages...
He wrote me 2 very brief emails about he miss me....
I read it, and keep it there, and didn't reply...
It was hard... but I did it, at least the first day, it almost finish...I am prond of myself...
U guys right, I need to figure myself out and then start to find my Mr. Right...
Still need ur surpport and comments....

   My ongoing story - day 2

It is extremely hard for today, he wrote me last night: how can you just cut me off?... almost replied him...I still love him...but don't think he is the same...
He knows my office number, home number, if he really miss me, he would try his best to talk to me... this guy just not that into me...
So I have to hold on....Have to... so hard...
Tell me want to do..........
Life is so grey without him...nothing is interesting...except my son...
My husband didn't react anymore, don't think he is going to, but I really want some fresh air in my marriage, I am done with him...
Where is my man? I need a shoulder to lay on...
Tell me what to do...

My ongoing story--day 3-4

hi what a shame! I WENT TO HIS HOUSE AGAIN ON FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know.... There were only sex...he didn't even ask about my situation, what happened after my husband found out...everything are gone...not sad anymore, just know how cold the real world is...and clearly that guy was lying about love which made me addict to him... so I have to wake up... I went back home at 6am, my husband was waiting, he asked if i had a good time, I went to bed directly... Everything looks calm...and we even went to States shopping the next day, we pretended nothing happened... And things going to happen, of course... last night, after my son fell in sleep. he started screaming at me...he wants that guy's address, he wants to go hit him, he left home with a wrong one... he called police, and said i was sexual assaulted by that guy... i told police it was not ture, i denyed everything... and then he left home with my son as police asked... i called that guy peascefully and told him about this story, he was like ok, let me email you later in the day, go get some sleep... I slept a few houts... and i know I don't love him anymore....everything just bubble... I will get plenty of rest, I will show my son happy face, I will go to gym, pick up my study and i will be a new me, and most important I will start the procedure of divorce... Thanks sisters, you are my support...

The End of The Story

Hi guys, back again,
Thought should let you guys know the end of my story....It is a bad ending, but...a big lesson for me.

My husband moved out and refuses to see my son, he is punishing me, I guess, but anyway, I will try to persuade him to see my son and at the same time, I want to make sure my son is happy....
And about my lover (ex-lover), he is an asshole... all he did is for sex, which I was touched by what he did.......what a shame.
My heart told me there should end... and one night, I told him I wanted to broke up, he said ok, let's broke up, the second day, he was texting me, im me how much did he love me...... and I was like, we have broken up, I wanted to stay alone for a while, but he didn't give up...
so, accidently, maybe on purpose....i have to find a reason to get rid of him totally, I tried to hack his hotmail and I did...got all the secret answer right.........amazing, right?
wow, what a bloody realistic world, he has 4 sex partners at the same time,and he is still texting new girls, all of them r asian, most of them r chinese. what a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he has a consultant friend, a lady who knows all his stories, he sent her email telling herall the stories almost everyday...
he was iming me that time, so i just copied and pasted one of the email to him, and said asshole, he said true....
And I just forwarded all his consulting emails to all his girls in his inbox.....
great? criminal, but I felt so good.........
One of the ladies gave him her key to her house, and cooking bf and lunch for him.........
he is fooling around with all these single moms, seperated women...
he called me and asked his password back, I gave him, since I have done what I should....
he told me he got hundreds calls and scared to answer....lol
he fooled me around for almost 6 months... I trusted him... and now...the first thing i did is go to Doctors to get checked, STDs, and HIV,hope I am fine....
Sisters.... I know we are all hunger for love, but keep your eyes open, there are lots of good white guys, and jerks too.....
don't let them take advantage on u, just like my self.

For all of you....
qqh to me, I will let you know the guy's name.... I saw so many chinese girls' pics in his inbox.......hope you won't be the next victim...
bloody lessons.
The end
 
To czdftm: 我朋友的故事

来源: yeshimajia 于 09-11-06 14:08:08

明白你的痛苦，时间会帮你恢复的。

讲讲我一个好朋友的故事吧，和你的很相似。但她很幸运，结局比你好多了。她5，6年前认识了一个同行的美国人，英俊，单身，级别很高的 EXECUTIVE，对她大献殷勤，也是在床上非常和谐。她LG也很能干，但是属于一心工作的那种，虽然很在意她，但是不是浪漫的那种。她当时堕入情网， 不可救药，幸好还没走到多深，就被她LG发现了。她LG对她很好，居然努力挽救他们的婚姻，又给那个混蛋打电话，尽量切断他们之间的联系。她被这个 AFFAIR折磨的很厉害，有一两年都缓不过来。后来幸好有了孩子，慢慢转变回来了，重心又重新放到自己的家里。

这个lover很混蛋，得知她LG发现了他们AFFAIR的时候，一点都没有表示要对她负责，很伤她的心。不过现在想来，幸亏是这样，否则我朋友可能会落 得和你一样的下场。但后来她和LG和好之后，他又总来勾她，常给她打电话，开行业会议时还想方设法约她见面，甚至于还偷偷飞到她住的城市里看过她两次。我 朋友被折磨的非常惨，每次见面后都会又动心，以为可以和他认真下去，偏偏这个人从来都不发出认真的信号，只是ENJOY和她在一起的时候罢了。

中国女孩子很容易在感情方面吃亏。我朋友很聪明漂亮的那种，人也能干。容易引起男人注意也不是她控制的。她也不是有心要有AFFAIR，但是碰到英俊潇洒 浪漫的男人来追，有几个能抗拒的了呢？她和这个lover从开始到现在拉撤了6年，见面很少，大概一年也就一两次。但打电话比较频繁，那个人在工作上也帮 了她不少忙。经历了这么多，能想象吗？也就是两年前我朋友才终于死心了。她觉得很对不起LG，但是确实不太爱他。她LG对她真的很好。大概漂亮的女人就是 有这个优势吧。叹气。。。


来源: czdftm 于 09-11-06 15:17:05

I can't imagine how she went through for that six years.
For me, six months drove me crazy already....
He told me he was always busy on Friday, and kids always was his excuse, and he called me every friday b4 he went out dancing and having sex with other women, pretending to ask my permit to go out, such as my friend ask me to play poker, should I go? Friends aske me to play hockey, should I go? etc... I felt so sweet at those moment....and he called me after his "play" as well, like 1 am or 3am, told me he finished, he was going home........now I know, all those night, he went out dancing with a korean woman and sex after.........
And one day, I didn't contact him for 4 days, he called me said he was at front door at my office just want to see me, I was touched by him, and now I found out that day he went to downtown to have lunch with one of his sex partner and had sex, and then he called me, after he saw me he went to see another and had sex with another in the same area, can you believe?
Just don't understand, does he really enjoying in doing this?
no word...........


凑个热闹谈出轨

来源: dancingswan 于 09-11-08 07:07:02

一觉醒来，阳光明媚，才发现昨夜的热点话题是出轨。晒着太阳也来说几句。

首先，所谓出轨是针对已婚的男男女女。单身的爱怎么玩都是人家自己的事。既然已婚，就有法律上的责任和道德上的要求。

婚姻其实就是以感情为基础的合同关系。这合同怎么签的，家家都有点不同。

如果婚后发现结错了，当然有权利去寻找爱情或新生活，就像签了合同后发现合作伙伴难以合作，但是，但是，拜托你先把自己解放了，再另觅新欢。潘金莲当年被迫嫁了武大郎，离婚的确不可能，现如今，您有幸长在新社会，而且是自由的资本主义国家，有哪么难吗？

如果双方有自由出轨的共识，没问题，不关别人的事，享受你的自由。但大多数人还是要求忠诚的。出轨就是违反合同重要条例。后果自负，无论你有什么样的理由。

孩子是很多人的借口，那么多有孩子的都离了，难道人家不爱自己的孩子？

爱情是出轨者的幌子，你们的爱情真的那么惊天动地，千古难寻吗？如果是，离婚再嫁/娶，光明正大地生活在爱情的阳光下。如果不是，也就一段奸情而已，难听但是定性准确，你偷偷摸摸的就是了。

看了看那个招人骂的的讲自己表妹出轨的帖子，是有点过分:

1.漂亮怎么啦，别人追你怎么啦，你就可以理直气壮出轨了？这儿才貌双全的多了去了。

出轨不需要理由，但是要低调！

2.不要口口声声不爱自己的丈夫，嫁是自己嫁的，而且他接纳了出轨后的她，人家容易吗？真的不爱，就讲明白，一个有尊严的男人不会接受施舍的爱情。

没人站在道德的制高点，也没人去评判他人的生活， 只是大家美好的愿望：

诱惑太多，出轨无罪，但是希望出轨者有责任，有廉耻地处理好相关事务。


美貌与出轨真的无关吗？

来源: 稻穗儿 于 09-11-08 12:09:29

先说明，此帖纯属抬杠贴，过去我从来没想过出轨和相貌的关系，只觉得彼此多一点体谅，会比较和谐。但这几天突然见到很多帖子责骂出轨的漂亮“表妹”，我就想了一下啊，这美貌与出轨真的无关吗？

将性伴侣的多寡，尤其是婚后性伴侣的多寡，放到道德高度去评断，自然应该是跟相貌无关，总不能说丑女就都是得道高人，而美女就都是下三滥吧？

但现实中，美貌和性伴侣的多寡好像还是有点潜在联系的。无它，追求者众，机遇较多、因而发生率也水涨船高而已。

这个可以从男性反证。

男人的道德高低，应该是跟财富和权势没直接联系的。但古今中外，哪个皇帝不是三宫六院？哪个权贵不是三妻四妾？而贫下中农呢？打光棍的都不在少数，大老婆之外还讨小老婆？做梦去吧！那么，难道说无耻之徒都正好当了皇帝？而忠义之士都正好当了贫下中农？

这个世界上，男人的资本是权势和财富，女人的资本是青春和美貌。其它资本当然还很多啦，但上面说的毕竟是主要的、公认的、没人不喜欢的。

所以有权势的男人很难洁身自爱，投怀送抱的太多，柳下惠不好当啊！就算身为贫下中农的时候是个好好丈夫，一旦发迹也就很难守身如玉了。要不怎么糟糠之妻不 下堂能传为千古美谈呢？如果人人都能珍惜糟糠之妻，那还有什么可颂扬的？可见绝大部分人是做不到的，对于大多数雄性动物，那是一个可望不可即的道德高度 啊！

美女也一样，献殷勤的太多！太诱惑！人非圣贤，一个不留神，把持不住是可以理解的。丑女守节就容易多了，即使主动献身，别人也未必愿意屈就，于是本是无奈却正好成就一段名节！

当然了，这里只是瞎聊众生中的普遍现象而已，纯属说笑，坛中各姐妹切勿对号入座！本坛猛烈评击荡妇的道德高人均美艳如花，这是无可置疑的！绝对不在上面所说普遍现象之列！

来源: 秒秒 于 09-11-08 11:14:19

凑热闹：凡是扯不清的都是自己不会说不的女人。裤子松。容易上手。
花花男的其实会同时勾引几个女人。但是那个口软裤子松的当然就售选啦。哈哈哈。

来源: 秒秒 于 09-11-08 11:16:43

完拉那口软裤子松的还自我标榜为“自己生的美丽出色的错误”
哈哈哈，笑死。




经历、性格和出轨的关系比美貌要大

来源: 水无情 于 09-11-08 13:12:11

感觉婚前恋爱经历单纯、婚后生活又比较单调的人比较容易出轨。一个女人，不论美丑，想要是和男人上床总是很容易的，特别是男人知道不用负责任的情况下。有 个好来坞女星在被问到是否经常受到诱惑时说（大意哈）：其实一个年轻女人在男人居多的领域打拼总是会有很多诱惑，但这个女人自身发出的信号可以让周围的男 人感觉到她是否很容易被利用。这个信号好象和女人是否美貌无关。我有个朋友婚后出轨了n回了，她是绝对谈不上美貌的。我发现她很在意周围男人对她的看法， 经常说某某对她感兴趣，过一阵就和这个某某上床了，然后说喜欢自己的人太多云云。我曾经忍不住地说，即使人家真对你感兴趣你也没义务去满足人家的欲望，要 是女人都和对自己感兴趣的男人上床那不成了群婚了。她的性格也比较软弱，属于拿不起放不下那种。

个人感觉激情下的出轨可能和道德无关，毕竟我们都是人，都有软弱的时候。但把一段婚外情延续六年就不能不说对配偶有欠起码的尊重了。这个女人在情人那里也 不会得到真正的尊重，我觉得那个男人不一定是有commitment 问题，而是不会对她承诺。如果她当初出轨后果断地离婚，没准和那个情人还有戏呢。