孩子们长大了一点

I haven't been separated from all my kids for couple of days since my first boy was born, so this biz trip gave me new experience of that. I didn't really miss them much, nor did they to me (they were happy that grandma was taking care of them. With the pampering, no house rules, they were having a party time). I came home without receiving any cheers, hugs or kisses, I was so exhausted that I didn't give any either.

But I see some differences after 4 days apart from them, and I am glad to see their growth. Lets just say they are J1 (1st boy), J2 (2nd boy) and S3 (my baby girl).

My 2nd boy entertained me first. He came to me for a roller backpack again (the one with wheels). He already gave me tons of reasons during the summer why he needed this type of bag, but I refused them all. I was surprised to see him trying again. He went through the old reasons one more time, and I firmly gave the rejection that since it is my money, and his reasons are not good enough to convince me, so he is not getting a new bag. He stopped and we went on other subjects. When I asked him if Kevin the behavior specialist went to his class to observe him during the day (He is autistic, in special education), he suddenly burst into tears, jumped back on bag issue again. He finally admitted that he felt embarassed among his friends since he is the only one without a roller backpack. I was instantly enlightened by the fact that he feels peer pressure (a social sense improvement) and wants to react back, he organized the approach and persistently tried quiet a few times covering his emotions. I want to encourage this type of process in him, so I granted him permission to a brand new backpack. Now I got one more chore to take care of this weekend.

There was a sad events while I was gone. We were trying to get J2 to walk home from bus drop off independently, because mom gets a bit busy with her schedule between S3 and J2. But that method failed. J2 wanted very much for the new independence, and J1 walked him couple of times to make sure he got the safety sense and can remember the route. But J2 didn't get home on first try. When mom went to check the path, he was just a bit further from the drop off and standing there. He gave mom the reason that there were too many cars passing by. Although J2 finally got the safty sense, but he just was not ready to take off yet. So I tried another approach: I asked J1 to walk J2 home, since the drop off is J1's school. I will pay him $1/day for the chore. J1 was very happy for the additional money and J2 was also happy to walk with his brother. When I gave J1 4 weeks of allowance with the additional income, he gave a big smile, from ear to ear. I think I will give J2 another try after a month, maybe he will have a better sense and more confidence then.

We have a cat Bobby, who often drops some poop on the carpet in various locations in the house. J1 is mostly responsible to clean up this mess. Last night, S3 spotted the dirty stuff and J1 was reluctant to act on it. I said if it is too much trouble for him, then we can consider putting Bobby to sleep, as I don't want to add this chore on my list. J1 got up and did his work right away. Afterwards, he asked why Bobby keeps doing that, and I told him that it might be litter box is not clean enough (actually Bobby has a bit constipation too, I believe). J1 immediately cleaned the litter box, and later he asked if there is a good book talking about cat's behaviors. When I saw him standing in the kitchen, drinking some water, he looked so mature (he is 13) next to his 11 yr old brother like they are 4 years apart. I told J1 that I am glad to see his caring and maturity on Bobby's case. J1 cares about Bobby and he will do everything he can to keep Bobby alive and happy. That shows he is developing sense of responsibility, a virtue that I desire very much from my kids. I feel proud of him and I told him my appreciation.

It was a good night for us to chat on this, his smile was glowing too.