2004 (212)
2005 (450)
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_____________________________________
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea
My heart heavy as the unheard prayers
---
It
Carried me
The way the waterOf the Dead Sea holds
My body now
:
Floating on its dead eye-god-ness
What’s beneath it is mystery :
About this body of flesh
There is no mystery when
The soul finally takes its flight
---
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea
I swim in the broken songs
Of the pilgrims :
Unidentified by time
Undifferentiated in names
---
Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound?
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
From Jerusalem to the Dead SeaIn dreams and my waken hoursI yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
: :
Z.Z./2006
:)
Not in WXC?
Hi, friends!
Due to some technical problems, I have moved to 作舟博客...
This will be a sweet place for memory and footsteps....:)
Hope to see you there!!!
Thank you!!
同感!!!
beautifully done!!! even though i won't choose some of the words you did, but i like the tone in your version.... natural....unpretentious.....
"everything is interesting if you understand it...":)
这里好热闹呀~~~又一首好诗
让秋菱忍不住要来凑热闹：
==================================
从耶路撒冷到死海
我沉重的心好似无人注意的祷告
---
心
托着我
正如此刻
死海之水浮起
我的身体
：
漂浮在死神的眼波里
眼波底部透着神秘：
而肉体本身
并没有什么秘密
只要灵魂最终
肯展开双翼
---
从耶路撒冷到死海
我漂浮在断续的歌声里
唱着歌的朝圣者：
无人知道他们来自哪个朝代
无人记得他们的名和姓
---
我的‘上帝’在哪里？
如果我没有上帝
那为什么
我的痛如此入骨
我的爱如此钻心？
(……………)
从耶路撒冷到死海
不管是梦里还是梦外
学会让自己
行为有人关心
声音有人注意 --- 哪怕是
在这看似无爱的
文字
死海
：：
Have fun & take care~~~
See you all again!
QL
:D
have a great wknd and 4th of July everybody!!!
thanks mermaid… i went back to China…
like your own interpretation too...and inspired....thanks...
zz: "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
AGREE!!!
“living in the real world of I Feel”…:)
Sorry that i can't type Chinese on here, and my ID "作舟诗集" is not working.....don't know why???
Does anyone have any ideas about how the blog designers control and monitor the infos.???
Really appreciate all of your comments/ideas/guesses/ opinions, etc....!!!!!
I am surprised --- or not surprised---this poem has struck some unheard notes in your heart and mind ....what a meaningful conversation!!!!I feel very lucky to have read your responses!!!
This reminds me of the frequent idea about poetry, that is "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
after making the confession, you know now that i am not a fan of "God"....so, SD, don't be afraid to tell people you are an atheist [many writers/artists i admire are atheists]
Mermaid, i really like your own interpretation, though i didn't think that much when writing it.....yes, it is a spiritual journey, more so than a physical one....
We see more and more people travelling around the world today, even to the outer space, but most of them only succeeded in trashing the landscape.....no?
Oh, mermaid, what is the score between Ity & Ukrn.??? I only watched Germany vs. Argtn.....great game!!!!
Cheers!!!!
I swim in the broken songs
Of the pilgrims :
Unidentified by time
Undifferentiated in names
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea, people are numbers rather than individuals...there is an individual who is different from them because of his "crossed out" mark:)facing the world (the world of "the flat history/Of your own kind)...
"the unheard" --- the voice of love?
"love is the voice under all silences"...
"Love is nothing/But a moment of/peace –/Everything stops/For you –"
"the (water) of Dead Sea" --- human's mortal body...
"In dreams and my waken hours" --- real experiencing of being...
why "crossed out"? ...
surredering...?
forgiving the world not forgetting?
but still love....
"I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
: :
例如：未被听到的祈祷，要比祈祷具有更强烈的感情喷薄色彩！因为未被听到同时向读者传达出被忽略的意味，正好呼应了心的沉重！
同样，in dreams and my waken hours, 强调了时间，时时刻刻。The … of the dead sea 强调了死海的水---一种具某种象征意义的水。
2) 诗歌中的
它：肉体
我：精神
上帝：真理，救赎
死海：死亡
3) 为何译作圣城？
这首诗歌，可以照表面意思理解为一种关于宗教的见解。也可以，并且实际上更是，借“宗教” 之名，探索人的精神，肉体，困惑，起源，归宿，依托，死亡，体验，爱，苦闷，痛苦，求索。宗教意义上的耶路撒冷，正是对应于每个人心中的各自的一座圣城，所有问题与疑惑的答案都归于那里。人们朝圣的过程正是寻求解答的过程。只是，这个过程如此艰难，充满了软弱和信心的摇晃。
Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound?
真理，救赎在哪里？如果你有爱，有痛，你就必须终生忍受着这个问题的苦苦煎熬。
4) 因为个体的渺小，无力而感受到的被忽略，我发出了这样的呼声：
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound
我要被(上帝，真理) 发现，
我的祈祷要被(上帝，真理) 倾听！ 即使在这感受不到上帝的爱的文字的海洋里。 这最后的一段正好呼应了首段的the unheard (未被听到的祈祷)，有力地强化了主题！
谢谢你的喜欢。你的独特见解也给了我很多启发。。。
关于这首诗歌我有自己的想法，喜欢之极。可是现在我要看意大利的比赛，等2个小时之后我再写吧。。。和大家交流真的长见识呀！稍后。。。
我心沉重，如未被听到的祈祷
---
它
载着我
正如死海之水
此时
轻拥我身
：
浮游在死亡之眼
它的深处乃是神秘：
有关这肉体
当灵魂最终始于飞翔
神秘便不复存在
---
从圣城到死海
我漂浮在朝圣者
破碎的歌声里：
于时间里迷失了身份
于名字里模糊了面容
---
在哪里能找到
我的“上帝”？
如果我相信虚无
那为什么
痛，竟如此真实
爱，竟如此深厚？
(……………)
从圣城到死海
梦里，梦外
我仍旧必须学会---
被发现
被倾听
---
即使在死亡的文字的
无爱的海洋
里
"Unheard" - Argentina
"Heard" - Germany
through the fleshly gate, soul embraces a universal soul and returns to its source. If incarnation exists, then what's incarnated is not flesh but Spirit.
just a thought:)
I can only spy into some tree leaves in this vast new forest,
“the unheard prayers”
Unheard? Who (“God”) is listening and responding? If he/she/it was not there, would heard or unheard really matter? If so, why not cross the word out? (my guess)
Dead Sea -- broken songs (Un-identified + Un-differentiated ) -- loveless dead Words
Human’s grave “reality” ?
"Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound? "
天问!!!
"The soul finally takes its flight"
… …
sd, i like WX's "word behind bars:)"comments too...
this "cross out"...i like zz this kinds of typograhical or perhaps linguistic innovation in his poems so much...more meaningful and luminous to me...
...artistic growth and developmnet...
zz simply bacame more zz...:)
不可能吧，我怎么读着我的翻译，就找出好些个不良的地方来了，清楚地好象在豆
腐里找到了韭菜
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is
like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
水滴，朦胧，朦胧，朦胧 ：)
Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
- > existence of what? FLESH？OR NON-FLESH？ 继续讨论了
逗玩的：)
WHen I first read this piece, I didn't analyze the meanings, only feel a flow of energy running.
Then I saw zf, yy and wx's comment. Very much impressed by your linguistic talents. Especially impressed by wx's comments,"Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time", A profound thoughts and feeling provoking comment!
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
//
When read carefully by using the cues that yy and zf provide, connecting Dead to Body and Sea (water) to Soul. Dead Sea becomes a very interesting metaphor. Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
//
A confession too. I don't dare to say that I am a atheist, but I am definitely not a believer and follower of any organized religion..:)
thanks zz, look forward to your own version!! :)
and WX's version:)
and merimaid's version:)
you know that i know what you mean....trust your words....
i was just kidding.... :) thanks guys!
speaking of China, i am not sure where it's headed --- a military/economic super power with a extrememly conservative gov.??
it is not a time for individual creativity, but mess productivity ... which easily turns human beings into machine parts .... of course, a small number of people become filthy rich and give a false signal to the rest of the nation....a air-conditioned nightmare, so to speak!
We drink the milk in your poetry and
Our mind turns into greenery!
:)
I like your words: " i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed...."
------------------------------ That's also what I believe when I write or read poems.
The friends' comments are so deep and fresh that they inspire me to think more...
just saw your post.....and, wow!!
you are not flattering me, are you?? :)
i have been "observing" you and happily to have found that you are serious about art/poetry/truth, etc....
so......thank you my friend!!
all of your feedback makes me speechless....and inspired....
i love what WX wrote on the crossed out lines.....very objective and trained..... as a matter of fact, i didn't think too much when i left them in the final version....both YY and ZF's interpretaions are also valid...
i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed....
i hesitated to use the word "God" because i am an atheist (big confession :) --- hope you are not surprised or disappointed..... :))
however, the english language is a very religious language.... if you pay attention, you'll find the english speakers cannot finish a thought without mentioning "God" or the Bible.... :))))
cheers.....stay cool verybody!!!!
ZF，WX，YY的评论非常之精彩，多重角度的解读，将诗歌向纵深延展，成为欣赏这首诗歌必不可少的一部分！
我真正为今日中国(政治，经济，文化)所担忧的，是CREATIVITY的缺乏， 是产生CREATIVITY勇气的缺乏。我最佩服和尊敬ZZ的，是他在追求诗歌的过程中的不断的创新，和追求创新的所必须的热情和勇气。
试看被删除的部分：
the unheard
the （water）Of the Dead Sea
In dreams and my waken hours
我理解这个部分恰巧是“人”声，是 "人" 会死的肉身（“人是什么？？？/百分之九十几的水啊！！！），是“人”在梦与醒的时时刻刻。。。要将之删除吗? 仅仅是活在另一个世界里吗? "反认他乡是故乡"吗? 诗人没有主张没有宣扬,但诗人对相对世界里的外部世界态度很明显,也就是YY说的:
"那暗含的就是任何时候，这样或许诗歌也就非常
无形地回应了
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
谢谢分享你们的见解。。。很喜欢。。。
真诚地表达“自己”对诗歌，对艺术的理解是我个人的坚持。。。
“equally。。。”并非“宗教”，但属于我们个人对艺术对人生的视野。。。我理解艺术也可以说是对“自己”的不断探寻。。。我们真的知道“自己”吗？我们从哪里看到？任何事物都需要参照物。。。你所看到的感知到的“自己”是从哪里来？是从他人那里照到“自己”还是真切地触摸到了“自己”。。。信仰某个宗教的人是从他们的神的指示那里来了解自己，而诗人没有一个神，然而人类的疼痛和情感是相似的。。。所以重点是the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ),
我理解“死海”暗含我们的肉身终有一死，而“自己”因为“自己”的灵魂却无尽。。。
About this body of flesh
There is no mystery when
The soul finally takes its flight
。。。
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
我想这首诗歌的深度和力度是显而易见的，有许多让我震动之处，它甚至包含了艺术的内涵，更是诗人的视野。。。
被“删”的文字留在诗歌里是最具意味的，我们读到了什么，也暗含了我们“自己”的理解和视野。。。“简单清澈”。。。
非常喜欢这首诗歌，谢谢分享。。。
"Crossed out" does attract a lot attention in the body of the poem.
My initial guess that the “crossed out” may indicate,
1. Signify from the form of Edited/Editing
Words were there in previous versions but the poet has decided to remove them because they are incorrect or impropriate or useless or changing idea or limiting or any other reason. The trace of the editing process does leave a history of thought/feeling which makes the poem interesting. This form could signify something blueprint in human's thought experience in general.
2. Negating
Intentionally stress that what the “crossed out” words' mean is not true.
3. Hiding/Obscuring
Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time.
“Words
come and go
in the perfect
stillness of
the hour..."
YY and ZF has answered my question.
Thanks ZZ for sharing the interesting poem!
个人觉得，这些被“删”的字，词，句，也折射出诗人的沉思的过程，就象从“DRAFT”
到“FINAL VERSION”。这些被删的，在某种程度上就是删掉了那些修饰词，与拿走
了限定的意义。譬如the water，Of the Dead Sea 拿走了定冠词，与介词词组，水，
就具有很广更深的含义，从飘浮在死海之上，身体所经历的，眼前所见到的，到那
看不到的水，灵魂，“水”就发生了质的变化。
In dreams and my waken hours
连“梦与清醒的时刻”都给删掉，那暗含的就是任何时候，这样或许诗歌也就非常
无形地回应了
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
这是一首非常有力度的诗歌！！！ 我想它和宗教没有关系的，而是“宗教”本给世
界所产生的ILLUSION或者象征“意义”- - - 耶路撒冷的圣城下面血腥，死海既，没
有生命，也没有死亡！而人的灵魂与肉身的交织所形成的一个雷同的神秘；在每一
个谜的下面，拿了那搅和人心的，也可以是那样的简单清澈。。。
Hi, SD
...try to share my understanding with you...
I think the “crossed out” lines left in this poem makes the poet’s linguistic way more meaningful and luminous… it may implied that there is another version of the world – equally archetypal, equally religious – that says that the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ), you can get it from his writing…
从耶路撒冷到死海
我的心情沉重
如同听不到的祈祷
---
此刻
它载着我
以死海之水的路途
托着我的身体
：
漂浮在它无生命的上帝-的-眼神
下面是神秘：
当灵魂最终振翅
这具肉身没有神秘
---
从耶路撒冷到死海
我游弋在朝圣者
破碎的歌声：
未能以时间辨明
未能以名字区分
---
我的“上帝”在哪里？
如果我没有一个神
为何疼痛如此真
爱如此深？
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
从耶路撒冷到死海
在梦与我清醒的时时刻刻
我仍在学着自我探寻健全 -- 即使
在沉闷的文字
无爱的海洋
之中
: :
SD, where have you been? is everything ok??
------the cross lines mean "crossed out" ---- :)
cheers to you all!
从耶路撒冷到死海
心 沉如听不到的祷告
－－－
它
携带着我
以死海之水 此时
抱住我身体的
方式
：
浮游在它死眼的－神－圣
之下－是神秘：
灵魂展翅的那一刻
再也没有
关于肉身的神秘
－－－
从耶路撒冷到死海
我游弋在朝圣者
断续的歌声中：
不能被时间确认
不能以名字区别
－－－
“上帝”在哪里？
如果我不相信
那为什么 痛如此真实
爱如此深刻？
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
从耶路撒冷到死海
在梦与清醒的时刻里
我仍在学着完善
自我 - - - 即使
在没有生命的文字
无爱的海洋
之中
hi to sd
what a tragedy!! sighs.
Greetings to all the friends here.