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RETURN (图)

(2005-06-27 13:48:28) 下一个

RETURN I’m grateful for the exhaustive journey Where the sea is abundant though I only need A few drops to quench my thirst I’m grateful for all the songs I’ve heard And all the beings I’ve met, dead and alive Who speak the same l-a-n-g-u-a-g-e The great distance only brings you closer To my daily laboring in the loud silence Where I learn how to undo the night by gathering stars Each room is a poem Each poem a flower that grows deeper Into the soil at my finger tips I’m grateful for your open arms Making me realize that I have never left you (Coming back as naked as ever been) I’m also grateful for the confusion and the bitter wine I had to drink before something so small Like a poem could free me But what trickery the word “freedom” can be! Now the “slaves” are given the free reign To run as fast as the cogs in machines “I am back!” I say to a black wall Grateful for not knowing who I am today (What a wonder it is to forget "who I am" even for a day!) You remain silent, waiting & loving all the same ::june 2005 art: Allison Keating
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by水滴 回复 悄悄话 ZF: Sure, sure, creating is definitely included, and also being..

In using proper words, LTG is the master of it. Waiting for his import in this aspect.:))
知凡 回复 悄悄话 "Knowing, understanding and accepting are ways to overcome fear and to earn freedom."

水滴,我说了这么多,你一句就总结了,你的悟性,“兰心慧质”“不打自招”:)

但除了Knowing, understanding and accepting ,最重要的是创造。Knowing, understanding and accepting 可以 overcome fear,但earn是创造,占有得不到freedom.....
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 ZF: Well said!

Knowing, understanding and accepting are ways to overcome fear and to earn freedom.
知凡 回复 悄悄话 "相对而言,有两种无畏的人,婴儿与老人。一个是来自无知的无畏,一个是经历过
后的无畏。介于之间的人,或多或少是有“畏惧”- - - “畏”于不同的人是不同的含义。"

YY说的这几句我很赞同。


水滴,谢谢你。“兰心慧质”我是不敢当的,一说到“兰心慧质”听起来好像会比他人高多少,好多少,其实非也。我越来越觉得每个人都是差不多的。

讲到悟性,我也绝不会比你或影云高多少,我只是觉得我非常向往“自由”。我这里说的自由不是去“环游世界”的自由,是指身心的自由。因为灵魂是有翅膀的,容易得自由。我对心的自由有些体会,或者说mind的自由。和你们分享.....

说到fear,我是体会很深的。我有很多各种各样的fear,我也不觉得我是因为患得患失而有畏惧,暂时我还没有畏惧死后的事情,将来会不会我不知道。对我来说是少一个害怕,就得一个“自由”。

比如说我的英文不好,起初我有些自卑,怕被人瞧不起,但我战胜了自己的这个害怕,得了一个“自由”,所以我现在厚着脸皮写中文,顺便偷偷学习英文……

小时候我在电影里看到刘胡兰等烈士的英勇无畏,回到家我感到很害怕。为什么呢,因为我发现我不行,在敌人的严刑拷打下我肯定会受不了,所以我一直害怕着在那样的情况下,我肯定会做叛徒,会做汉奸而被人批斗,这种恐惧让我很难受,常做恶梦被严刑拷打,我有可能会“招了”的情景。但后来当我理解了我这的畏惧是人性的,很正常的时候,我就释然了,也不怕说出来怕人笑话了,于是我得了“自由”。

还比如,我小时候很骄傲自满,有时候瞧不起人是常有的事情,我的感受是我越看不起人越挑剔的时候,我是很难受的,我是个享乐派,不喜欢难受的感觉,于是就慢慢学会看别人的优点,看别人好的一面,而如此一来,我从别人身上学到不少东西,我很开心,我就又得了一个“自由”,这份“自由”我还没有彻底得到,仍在努力中…….

再比如,YY讲到的禅境,起初我不是很理解,有些排斥,我之所以排斥是因为我有偏见,以为通禅就是做“仙”,而我呢,只想做“人”,但是非也,后来我接受了通禅对“自由”的帮助,我又得了一个“自由”。

而我所有对禅的知识目前就是神秀和慧能的那个小故事,并且我只记住了慧能说的:“菩提本无树,明镜亦非台,本来无一物,何处惹尘埃”,我觉得很管用。前面两句我理解要辨正辩证,即辨明是非,或辩证看问题看世界,也就是辨析......但这不是慧能的境界,但我是人,我先这样用,以后成熟了再悟不迟。而很多心的枷锁不自由都是自己给自己的心套上的,只把“本来无一物,何处惹尘埃”这一句拿来用一用,觉得很管用,一次次地获得小小的“自由”…… 但是我相信禅里有很多更多精彩处是我未知的,所以喜欢听YY说禅,而我只吸收我暂时能接受的,不能理解的留着慢慢悟....

“知者不言,言者不知”,看到这句话,我们是不是就不言了,来让人觉得我们有知呢?非也,想让他人认为自己有知又是自己给自己套上的不自由的枷锁,明明理解这句话,仍然畅所欲言,又是一个“自由”。

YY说“I still love what Henry Miller says that there is no short cut in our journey of life, the seemingly most difficult one turns out to be the easiest.”我百分百同意…..

有价值的交流,不是要说完全相同的观点,我发现越不相同的观点,越容易让人领悟后得“自由”……

如果向往“自由”,就会悟,就会有悟性,而那些看似没有悟性的,我认为是人家对“自由”的要求还不够强烈,等到他们都想要“自由”的时候,想要的自由越多,就会发现,一个会比一个聪明,一个会比一个有悟性,一个会比一个“兰心慧质”,真的不骗你们…… 那些顶级的艺术家、文学家、诗人、科学家都是最最向往“自由”的人……

其实我看的书很少,我很多的知识是从认识自己获得的,我发现认识自己越多,越有助于去认识别人,越有助于去理解别人,越有助于认识这个莫名其妙的世界…… 有的人通过认识自己来认识书本,有的人通过书本来认识自己…… 有人自恋,有人顾影自怜,有人自我陶醉,有人自卑,有人自负,有人无畏……都差不了多少,殊途同归……
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 If only painting a cake, there is no chance to taste it. I like Chairmao's say, "if you want to know how a pear tastes, bite it."

However not everyone has chance to taste pears. Even when the one has cahnce to taste, it is very possible that someone taste something very bad and there is no way the person enjoys the taste. Tasting itself doesn't help one get rid of the fear. To the opposite, some new fears are generated due to the taste...

Let keeping 好玩一把, I don't mind at all.
影云 回复 悄悄话 实际上这不是禅语,我不过用它来包装,但关键的是我读过你的回贴后在头脑里闪现。

相对而言,有两种无畏的人,婴儿与老人。一个是来自无知的无畏,一个是经历过
后的无畏。介于之间的人,或多或少是有“畏惧”- - - 畏惧来自患得患失。画饼
充饥里,有层意思是不是真的饼,也解不了真的饿 - - - 所以我想,人生经历本身
其实就在吃饼,品尝过“畏”的滋味,才可以找出“畏”的根源 - - - 而没有一中
公式。“畏”于不同的人是不同的含义。

好玩一把,别介意!:)
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 YY: Frankly speaking, I don't understand and don't like those mysterious and elusive 禅语 much. Some people can pretend they understand something without much understanding. :))

画饼充饥 is one way of self-soothing. It can only tempary resolve the problem.
影云 回复 悄悄话 红杉,

给你个禅语;画饼充饥
看你能悟出多少 ?
:)
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 YY, where do you sensed that I am approaching the "Dead End"?? :))


It is only a theoritical or philosophical discussion. Climbing the mountain is a good anology, but one need to choose a highest mountain to climb. SOmetimes, climb is not enough. We need to fly to obtain a bird view. Sometimes, flying is not enough, we need to use the imagination to reach a height that no physical being can reach...

Sometimes, the farther sight does not make a person fear less. How much one can "Enjoy your life" is not necessary proportional to the degree of freedom one has. Different kind of people enjoys different kinds of life, so to speak.

//

Ultimate freedom is a goal that perhaps no human being can reach. So I don't need to worry about what I want ot be after I reach it. What I wondering about is what is the best way to overcome our fear along the way of climbing. I haven't learned a good solution yet. If I have a better answer, I expect that I can climb a moutain under a brighter moonlight instead of under the total darkness..
影云 回复 悄悄话 As you said, there was no short cut for anything. I still love what Henry Miller says that there is no short cut in our journey of life, the seemingly most difficult one turns out to be the easiest.

My question for you is what you want to be after you reach the ultimate freedom if you can? To me, life is like climbing a mountain, the one you conquer is not the last one. But the process of climbing makes life an enjoyment. You climb higher and higher (not along your career ladder) to see farther and farther.

The Buddhism you mentioned is kind of prejudiced. You can selectively pick something you need from it. Or should I say, there is no absolute solution for this kind of problem - - - but you need to live through it, taste it, and find it out bit by bit - - - that’s life!!!

Enjoy your life, don’t get into Dead End.

by水滴 回复 悄悄话 Oh, forget about Buddhism's point. They suggest us to suppress or ignor our fear of the lower level need to free ourselves from the endless desires. I agree that it provided us a solution of the problem. But I don't know whehter it is a best solution or not. As you all know the Buddhism also used the assumption of re-incarnation to make us fear about our next life. That fear is a bigger fear to overcome. So, I don't think that the buddhism provided us an ultimate solution.

And I don't know what is an ultimate solution to overcome our defferent level of fear and to finally free us. I don't think poetry is an ultimate solution either, but it is a good way to cope and process our fear. Is my assumption make sense to our dear poets??
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 Hmm, YY: to be fearless is a good way to explain "freedom". Having no fear of not being able to support basic body need is a low level of "freedom". having no fear of not being loved or bing alone is another level. Having no fear of not being existing after physical body die sound obvious, but actually not easy to pass. Most people love to be remembered by the others after he/she dies, don't they?

Agree with LTG, seems to me that one has to pass the lower level of freedom first. Seems there is no short cut. If short cut, it seems to me that one will not feel fulfilled...

Thanks for YY's reminding. The thoughts lingering in my mind and I couldn't clarify them. Now they are more clear.

//

SO called "freedom" used by politician is a "lable" that they use to exploit and to deceive their blinded followers. Instead of slaving the others by visible hands, now the politicians slave the others by the invisible hands,such as moral, value, duty, etc, and make the followers believe that they can freely make their choices. Is that really so?? Aren't they more feared by whatever the politicians told them, terrorists, cheaper labors from the other country, God's rage, etc, etc..
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 嗯。。还有, 关于孤燕和鸳鸯的比喻很有意思,容我细细琢磨琢磨。。

影云 回复 悄悄话 Indeed, z. z. already answered the question.

Freedom out of materialism, privilege, and the like, is momentary since it always drives people with desire and greed and can never be fulfilled, indeed it’s a trap.

Another example of freedom is Buddhism, which says a person without desire is free out of anything. You have no fear and then you will be free.

Just a thought
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 知凡:刚才读完你对“醒”的解读。 你让我“看”到一个女孩儿可以如此的“兰心
慧质”。 你的悟性很高。。

LTG and YY: Thanks for paying attention to my question!

LTG: sometimes you can be quite "slippery".:))

影云 回复 悄悄话 i'll help;)
LTG 回复 悄悄话 haha....no r.c......not annoying at all :)

i will write more later.... lemme think about it....tough questions!!!

anybody want to help me?

:)
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 LTG:What is simple freedom and what is higher degree (level) of freedom? Can you talk about it more?

Well, if you feel that I am too annoy tonight, just ignor me.:))
LTG 回复 悄悄话 freedom?

isn't there a freedom in poetry?

i am not talking about traveling around the world with $$$$$$$ in one's bank account....:)

freedom has many "degrees"....we have to experience "simpler" freedom before we experience "higher degree" of freedom....

it is not the kind of "freedom" politicans talk about either :)

that is how i feel, by the way.....
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 YY. I totally agree with you, without that middle break, "this poem would be a burning piece, or the emotion and feelings would be flooding." For some unknow reasons, I like the breathtake feelings, the passion, the feeling of creation with one breath (Yi Qi He cheng)

Some piece, such as "wakefulness" that LTG just wrote is meditative. Meditative while stay wakeful. I also like that piece very much..
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 LTG abd YY. Thanks!

LTG: When you writing, do you changing the meaning of different "you" in the same piece? Does "you" in the last sentence also means "higher being"?

Also "freedom" is a interesting word. How do you define "freedom" in your mind (or heart)?
LTG 回复 悄悄话 r.c. & y.y.

veeeeeeeeeeeery interestin' discussion!!!

the "meeeeeeeeeaning" in a poem is up to the reader to interpret because a poem "comes" like a thought, a sound, a fragrance, a fresh breeze, etc.etc.etc.

the 2nd person pronoun "you" is also risky in writing....

who is "you?"

you?

me?

she?

or none of the above?

in this poem, "you" was intended to be a "higher being," if you ask me...

so, r.c., you have all the freedom to interpret it....:)

y.y.'s understanding is very helpful....

the musicality in poetry is not quite like that of music because a poem is to be "read" by the mouth, the eyes, the mind....and visually it's also different from music.....but there is very much common ground between the two art forms...
影云 回复 悄悄话 Interesting, RC!!!
This short stanza is like an intermezzo in music - - - those stanzas starting with ‘I am grateful” are passionate; if this stanza were taken out, then I would say this poem would be a burning piece, or the emotion and feelings would be flooding. But with it, it punctuates your mind to think and calm you down - - - which is one of great qualities of zz’s poems, Meditative..

To me, ‘You” are something which exists and does not change because of our ignorance or our lack of knowledge - - - for example, love, soul, life, or those abstract objects we have talked over and over.

“You remain silent, waiting & loving all the same”.
To visualize this line, just think of Mother - - - what can it mean to you?
What is returning?

Just a thought : )
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 ZZ: Thanks for the reply!

LTG: I am still trying to interpret the poem. I am not sure what does "you" refer to in the poem. Also can you explain a little bit more about "You remain silent, waiting & loving all the same"

To the poets, like you and YY, my question might be silly. Hope you understand that sometimes a person without much poetic sense can get lost among the words..:))

//

About the short stanza. I don't know whether intentionally breaking a flowing piece or change rhythm is a good idea or not. I understand that in music changing the speed (allegro, adagio, etc) can enrich the melody. But I don't know whether it can produce the same effects in a condensed poem piece...I really don't know..:))
知凡 回复 悄悄话 另外,比如“求真知”听起来好像也很“革命”,但我想说的“真知”是指如何过快活日子的真正知识......

比如“赤子之心”古文中也指真感情,结果被“赤色分子”用烂了,一说到“赤”就让人反感,殊不知没有“赤子之心”甭想得到爱情,得到快乐......这就是我这个享乐派理解的“真知”......

这个世界,不知道是谁把一些好词儿搞得那么混乱,而我呢,我只想用他们最朴实的意思......所以作舟说:

i think we all need "revolution" inside ourselves....

我百分百赞同!
LTG 回复 悄悄话 "其实“革命”对生命个体的本意就是要命"...

:))

very true!!!

some poets in history indeed caused "revolution" when the reality sucked...

on another level, i think we all need "revolution" inside ourselves....if we do that, the world might be a better place without people killing each other in the name of "revolution"...
知凡 回复 悄悄话 我之所以写,是想在你们的诗歌里发现:人生既有肉体又有灵魂的好日子到底有没有可能??? 因为我很贪心,既不想被肉体“革命”也不想被灵魂“革命”。

影云用引号的“革命” 一词很秒,其实“革命”对生命个体的本意就是要命,就是痛苦。我是个享乐派,不想被“革命”,不想痛苦,只对好日子快活日子感兴趣……于是就借你们的诗歌探索有肉体又有灵魂的生命可能性……

所以我说读者很享受……
影云 回复 悄悄话 z.z.

对这首诗歌的形式,我也有同感,没有那一小段,那诗歌的形式,就变得很“革命”,
会落俗一些,我喜欢它的舒缓 :)
LTG 回复 悄悄话 y.y., thanx for sharing the translation as usual!!!

水滴, it's great that you can relate this piece with your own experience! Your observation on that shorter stanza is really good. The reason I changed the sentence length is to "break the pattern" of " I'm grateful...." It serves to "slow down" the poem, or getting into another dimension...

Traditionally, such patterns are too common and out-of-date. I took risk of using them, and realized that I didn't want all that.

z.f. wrote, "我们读者真是享受啊,诗人的声音,我们得现成的......人生的答案就在诗歌中!!!"

actually, you have written a lot for us to read :) don't feel "guilty"!:)

AAAB, glad you like it.....thank you!
知凡 回复 悄悄话 水滴,

这段很关键,花在这里是比喻,有利他之意。
真爱不可不为己,不可不为人……
你是要一双孤燕掠地高飞的真爱
还是要一对鸳鸯池边独立的肉体之爱?
鸳鸯之爱确实不需要这一段,但爱情幻想终会破灭……

我认为人之所以痛苦很大原因是因为
人们幻想爱情但又不知道爱情是什么
人们追求理想但又不知道理想是什么
人们需要精神但也不知道精神是什么

如此,到头来自然容易万事皆空……

我在想,要想得自由(肉体与灵魂),恐怕首先要自由我们的思想,挣脱所有已有的思想束缚,求真知,不然何去何从???不然痛苦也不知道痛苦的根由,生命短暂,白白痛苦,不值得……想办法从痛苦中解脱,诗歌在帮我们探索,因为诗人的敏感与真实和文字的功夫……

我们读者真是享受啊,诗人的声音,我们得现成的......人生的答案就在诗歌中!!!小说或传记很有可能有偏见,但诗歌不会骗人,只要是真的诗歌,无论是写真爱还是写鸳鸯之爱,我们自由思想仔细领悟是能得到答案的……

一己之言,仅供参考……

:)
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 HI, LTG:

I have been reading this poem over and over. It just my personal feelings that if you took away the verse "Each room is a poem Each poem a flower that grows deeper Into the soil at my finger tips" the whole piece will have a better sense of flow.



AAAB 回复 悄悄话 I just love it......
I’m grateful for your open arms
Making me realize that I have never left you
影云 回复 悄悄话 我想,红裳的感受是每个诗人期望的,也是诗人最好的鼓励 :)

==============================================

回归

我满怀感激这精疲力竭的旅程
那里,海如此广阔,而
几滴水就能令我止渴

我满怀感激沿途所有听过的歌声
所有遇见的人,已逝的活着的
说着同样的言语

遥远的距离只会将你更近
领入我白日的劳累
于喧哗的沉默里
我已学会收集星辰来轻启夜晚

每一间屋是一首诗
每一首诗是一朵花
在指尖深入泥土

我满怀感激你张开双手
我才明白从未离开过你
(归来时赤条条如旧)

我满怀感激这迷惑与苦酒
于微小如诗释放我之前
一饮而尽

但“自由”是多么的自欺欺人阿!
如今“奴隶”自由驾驭
如机器里的齿轮飞转

“我回来了!”我告知黑墙
满怀感激不知道自己是谁
(忘却自己,即便一日,是多么地神奇阿)
你沉默无语,依然地等待,依然地爱
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 btw. I feel like the first three verses was written for me....:)

(A projective thinking, hope you don't mind.:)))
by水滴 回复 悄悄话 Like this piece veeeeeeery much!

I bet you finished reading E. Fromm's "Escape From The Freedom". :))
知凡 回复 悄悄话 所配图画的“圆”形好秒!!!色彩感觉又别有滋味……
“圆”
“圆满”
“智圆行方”
“大事大圆成,小事小圆转,每句如珠圆”
“诗人赋物,如水掬在手,自作圆球之形”
“A poem round and perfect as a star”
:)
影云 回复 悄悄话
Henry Miller says that there is no short cut in our journey of life, the seemingly most difficult one turns out to be the easiest.

The grateful attitude toward life that accepts life as it is and makes the most joy out of it is one of the greatest rewards that life has given us.




“Give me a lime, I will make lemonade”


love it!!!
:)
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