坐家妈妈

写儿童故事几年,终于鼓起勇气给大家看,请您多提宝贵意见。
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I am Mei Ling (1)已全部更新(续)

(2007-07-08 08:01:47) 下一个

在过去的几周里,我和女儿一起对I am Mei Ling (1)又进行了多次的修改。下面是几处修改的例子。

(131) (old)

He impatiently moved.

He shouted at me, Mei Ling,

“Go back to the basement.

Please don’t touch anything!”

(131) (new)

He loudly shouted at me.

His voice quivered in the air.

Don’t touchanything, little girl!

Go back to the basement. Stay there!”
anythingLing来压韵进行了修改。我喜欢修改后的第二句。

(137) (old)

It took a long, long time

For a car to pass by.

It took even longer

For a person to walk by.

(137) (new)

It took a long time for a car

To pass by in front of me.

I silently counted them,

One… two… three…

我其实挺喜欢pass bywalk by的,但我女儿不同意,说是不能用相同的字。她很喜欢修改后的One… two… three…,她说很cute


(204) (old)

Then, he made a funny face.

My mom couldn’t help laughing,

“The bellybutton snowwoman

Is the best in the world, Mei Ling.”

(204) (new)

I quickly walked to my dad and

Wildly played with his hair on his head.

“The bellybutton snowwoman is

The best in the world, Mei Ling,” he said.

laughingLing来压韵进行了修改。Mei Ling跑去弄乱爸爸的头发,这样写显得她和爸爸很亲密,她是Daddy’s girl。这句话“The bellybuttonsnowwoman is the best in the world, Mei Ling,”原是妈妈说的,现改给是爸爸说的,更合情理。


(217) (old)

Together, Mom, Dad and I

Entered a tall building.

The building looked very good.

It was very exciting.

(217) (new)

In front of a tall building,

Mom, Dad and I gladly stood.

It was very exciting.

The building lookedvery good.
building exciting不完全压韵,进行了修改。
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