我爱宝贝儿
上帝对即将降临人间的婴儿说: 宝贝不用怕，人间有位爱你的天使，她的名字叫妈妈
正文
I am glad to see that most people posting disagree with the article's statement that you should never discipline someone else's child. Never is a pretty strong word!
If the other parent isn't present, I would say something to a misbehaving kid as a matter of course. What surprises me is when a child then complains to his or her mother about it. If any adult had criticised me when I was a kid, I certainly wouldn't have told my parents about it!
I did get in trouble for this once in my neighbourhood. I lost it with a very mean girl and shouted at her. Her mother came to see me about it. I apologised for getting angry with her daughter, but it was very obvious she was in complete denial that her daughter was a bully. She always believed that the other children were always equally to blame. 8225514
If the other parent isn't present, I would say something to a misbehaving kid as a matter of course. What surprises me is when a child then complains to his or her mother about it. If any adult had criticised me when I was a kid, I certainly wouldn't have told my parents about it!
I did get in trouble for this once in my neighbourhood. I lost it with a very mean girl and shouted at her. Her mother came to see me about it. I apologised for getting angry with her daughter, but it was very obvious she was in complete denial that her daughter was a bully. She always believed that the other children were always equally to blame. 8225514
9:54 AM on 01/22/2007
freb This article was not helpful to me at all. It clearly implies that the party being bullied needs to change his behaviour. What about the bully and the bully enabling parent? My son was in a bully situation and we no longer play with the boy any longer. No playdates seemed like the best option. My child had the skills to say "No, stop that", but the other child persisted anyway and his mother never stepped in. Not acceptable behaviour! 8115561
I recently had an experience this summer while on vacation at the pool. We were in sunny Myrtle Beach having a great time when some slightly older kids (around 5 or 6) came and starting making fun of my 19 month old, not at all nice things alluding to the color of her skin. They were calling her names and snickering. Maybe it wasn't exactly bullying, but I didn't let it get to that point. They're just kids so I simply asked them "are you nice kids or mean kids? Because we don't want mean kids around us"--that did 2 things --it alerted their mom, who, by the way, was on the complete other side of the pool, and it let them know that their behavior was unacceptable. At any rate, sometimes "discipline" from others can come in the form of a stern look, or a statement that brings attention to the behavior itself. Needless to say, the mother came and got her kids and we never had problems again. If my child was not treating another child nicely, I would expect the same from another parent/responsible adult. 7857707
6:08 AM on 11/03/2006
Maria I think it's important to stick up for your child. I was letting a little girl, 2, push around my daughter, 1, because her mom was there and was disciplining her. However, my daughter became very frightened of her and any other child that would even try to contact in a friendly manner. Once I started to stand up for her, she felt better and more secure in her relations with other children. I never hit or put a child in time out, but when I notice they are getting excited I simply pick up my daughter. If it's "mid-attack" for lack of a better term, I pick up my daughter and say something like "gentle," or if they are hitting "that's not nice, please don't hit/push/ect her." I've talked to my friend, the mother of the two year old, about it and she is fine with it. And like someone else said on this forum, the little girl tends to listen more to me in that situation anyway. With her mother she continues to test until she is put in timeout, but if I kindly confront her she usually stops right away. I just think it's important for your children to know that you will protect them, and it's also important for us as parents to know when not to interject. Since my daughter is barely one, I do it for her; I don't want her to get physically hurt. But as she grows I can teach her how to deal with "bullys" on her own. 7762234
9:13 PM on 10/17/2006
Chelsea I never discipline another child in the presence of their parent, that's their job. BUT if I am the only adult present and discipline is required even if it's a firm talking to- I do it!! 7630128
9:50 AM on 09/24/2006
Jenny Beth, I agree with you. It's good to solve the problem proactively, but if the other parent doesn't step in, I do. My son has some large-motor developmental delay, and also is pretty gentle in demeanor, and I have stepped in when he is physically at risk. I have also done so when another child is using greater physical stature to take toys from him. I don't discipline in the sense of punishing (don't believe in that anyway) but I will certainly make sure the behavior stops and explain to the other child why it's not OK (as I do with my son on those relatively rare occasions where he's the aggressor). 7617900
6:29 PM on 09/21/2006
Stay-at-home dad I have run a school age program for 11 years, so even before I became a mother of 3, it has been almost a habit if I'm standing on top of a situation that is not being dealt with to say 'SOMETHING' even if it is just a distraction. Now that I have children, however, I don't hesitate to step in. I had a terrible experience with my toddler at a sitters house who had 3 JR. High age boys. One was out of control and was threatening an ornery 3 year old boy to a fight. The sitter was in the kitchen (within earshot) but doing nothing, so I jumped all over it. What was worse was that she defended her 13 year old son by saying he'd never do that to my daughter, but this little boy was just SO naughty, he was asking for it. My concern was that when my daughter got another year older and started getting in the way, that he would react the same way. NOT going to happen. (needless to say, we don't go there anymore). But hey, if a child is behaving in a way that is seriously disruptive or is dangerous and a parent isn't going to step in, then I will, ever so gently, say something to either redirect or, if neccesary, point out a more serious 'no-no' before someone gets hurt. 7611628
4:43 PM on 09/20/2006
Brenda My Son is 3 1/2 and gets along with everyone except my best friend's nephew. Her nephew pushes my son down to the ground and always tells him that he can't play with him or his friends. So, my son will just ignore him and keep asking him if he wants to play until he gets shoved to the ground again. We have had only 5 encounters with the nephew and it happens every time. My son is so forgiving that he just asks him later if he wants to sit with him and have lunch but, not even that works on this 5 year old little boy. It makes it hard for me to get together with my friend when he is around. The little 5 year old is known as the bully. 7610222
10:43 AM on 09/20/2006
Anonymous " It's really unfortunate that we as parents need to worry about our child being bullied. I really believe that some kids pick up aggressive behavior from their own home environment and they take it out on the weaker kids that aren't as aggressive. Yes, we do need enforce proper discipline and catch the bullying early on. People have a tendency to ignore it thinking it will just go away and it doesn't if it isn't corrected. Noone likes being around a bully."
Matthew's mom 7609739
Matthew's mom 7609739
9:55 AM on 09/20/2006
Stephanie I agree with the sense of community that has been lost. My mother didn't think twice about putting someone else's child in place or telling them to get lost. We had a neighbor boy of 7 who bullied our 4 year old daughter on our own front lawn. I told him to be quiet and get lost and I was confronted minutes later by the child, two other children and three adults who screamed at me for telling him to get lost until the police came! 7609157
8:34 AM on 09/20/2006
down in the sad south I found out that by using a different language to scold a mean kid at the playground, he/she definitively understood what I meant and played nice afterwards. The parents don't complain, as they realize they should have said something in the first place. I usually only say something like "that was mean" in French, so if the other parents understand, they know I am not really scolding, and my children know that I am nice. 7608930
7:34 AM on 09/20/2006
Anonymous A lot of parents just don't care about their kids bullying the others. They spoil their kids. As a mom I will, for sure, step in if my child is being bullied by one of those spoiled kids. It's not only about disciplining other people's kids, but also showing my own kid what behaviour is not acceptable, especially physical violence. Kids learn from each other. If those bullying acts are not to be stopped immediately, they will think that's THE right ways to express feelings or resolve conflicts.
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8:03 PM on 09/19/2006
Pauline, mom of a 3-yr-old I have to agree with anonymous and disagree with the point of this article. Yes I agree with teaching my children what to do in the event that they are picked on. I agree that they should look this child in the eye and tell them to stop it. However, I WILL step in if this child chooses to ignore my child's request. I am a parent and I most certainly will NOT sit there on a bench at the playground and watch while some child picks on mine! I am sorry if I am coming off wrong here, but darn it things have just gotten ridiculous these days! I certainly want my child to take the initiative to first say something, but if this is ignored, you better believe that I will tell the aggessor that his/her behavior is not very nice behavior and that maybe he/she should find someone else to play with or help my child find another activity or group of playmates. Geeze, are we all supposed to be so darn afraid of offending someone that we would allow our child to be picked on? 7606505
7:49 PM on 09/19/2006
Jen, mom to Wyland & Milla As a teacher, I find it very hard not to say something since I have to do it every day during my job. I am constantly shocked by how many parents do nothing when their child misbehaves. I agree that a simple, "That is not appropriate." is quite appropriate, especially if that child's parents are not taking any action themselves. 7604896
6:00 PM on 09/19/2006
Anonymous I see no problem with stepping in when a child is hurting my child. There was a situation at my 4 year olds preschool where my 3 year old went with me to pick him up, and was playing with his brother and a couple of his brother's friends. One kid in particular is quite rough, and he pushed my youngest down on his back and then dropped on his knees onto my son's chest. I SAID HEY-THAT IS NOT OK< you could really have hurt him, and I don't want to see that again. The teachers then came over, and who knows what happened, but I am an advocate for my children when they need one. I do not step in on many occasions, but I will not let someone hurt one of them just because "the parents may not like it". The key is to discipline kindly, and not get angry or respond with anger-which is the challenge of course when someone hurts my kid.
The other thing I want to ask is WHO SAID you aren't supposed to talk to the parents? Why not? WHY NOT? I think it is a logical first step. Granted, it may not work, but it is a first step and I would certainly want to know if my children were misbehaving and bullying. 7605467
The other thing I want to ask is WHO SAID you aren't supposed to talk to the parents? Why not? WHY NOT? I think it is a logical first step. Granted, it may not work, but it is a first step and I would certainly want to know if my children were misbehaving and bullying. 7605467
5:39 PM on 09/19/2006
Alexandra My nephew grew up being bullied and even went so far as to not drink or eat during the school day so he wouldn't have to use the bathroom at school. I think that is a horrible thing for a child to live with everyday and I would do ANYTHING to protect my child if he went through the same situation. Whether the parents of the bully do anything or not, I would still try to talk to the bully and his parents to stop the behavior. If I didn't, I would feel like I wasn't defending my child. I can't imagine dreading going to school everyday and not enjoying that part of life that is supposed to worry free and innocent. I would also take it a step further and talk to the school guidance counselor about monitoring the bully and possible action at school. 7605357
5:39 PM on 09/19/2006
PRB I agree with not to discipline someone elses kid, but I htink sometimes the other parent should comfront the other parent about it. I DO NOT think both kids should get in trouble over anything. My daughter who is 4 1/2 yrs old gets bullied a lot by all kids, she doesnt know how to stand up for herself and everytime s child does this to her I hear mothers say "now you both stop it" no no no you dont say you both you say something to that other child and make then apologize for what they did. I know if my daughter hit a kid I would discipline her for that not the other child. Some parents dont like it when they r comfonted by a parent saying that their child hit or bullied another child. I would want to know what my child was doing.... 7343408
10:05 PM on 08/10/2006
Anonymous My son has a problem with a bully constantly hitting and biting him in his day care class. I know the parents are useless because I've spoken to the mother under different circumstances and she's admitted her son's a hellian. The center staff can do little more than tell the children that it's not okay to hit and write incedent reports for the parents. I'm absolutely at my wit's end...but the center staff is not allowed to tell me which child it is that's hurting my son (although he tells me all the time). I can't approach the center staff because they are kempt by very strict policies, and can't approach the parents because they're useless. My son is not shy about telling someone he doesn't like something, but I don't advocate hitting at his age. I won't lie and say my son's an angel, becuase he's done his share of bullying, but we've talked to him and talked to him and he's getting the message because he hasn't done it in a long while. I don't understand, if that method worked for my son, why other parents can't do that too. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, but I'm absolutely at my wit's end with that little brat. I'm about to blow a gasket and have words with the parents myself...although I'm not supposed to. I've just had enough. Can someone please give me some guidance because I'm afraid I'll break my own rules with the parents. 7317363
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