温哥华失眠夜
嬉笑怒骂皆成文章
女人篇
女人发现嫁给了一个只挣面包的人，而她原来是指望吃上蛋糕的哩。
The girl finds herself married to a bread-earner when she was counting on cakes.
女人从不会被甜言蜜语冲昏头脑。男人却会。所以温柔乡是英雄冢。
Women are never disarmed by compliment. Men are.
那么多女人有假指甲，假睫毛，假乳房，还埋怨说没有这个世界没有真男人！五十步笑一百步的事情，在男女间是经常发生的。
Why are there so many women with fake fingernails, fake eyelashes and fake boobs complaining that there are no real men?
女人宁愿听激奋人心的谎言，而不愿听枯燥无味的事实。现在你终于明白男人为什么都说谎了吧？
Women prefer exciting lies than dull facts.
问问你的另一半，他觉不觉得你胖。如果他说胖，就惩罚他不善解人意。如果他说不，就惩罚他说谎。男人之所以不善解人意和说谎，都是被女人逼出来的。
Ask your significant other if he think you are fat. If he says yes, punish him for his insensitivity. If he says no, punish him for lying.
第一部测谎机是用男人的肋骨做的。男人的肋骨原来可以有那么多功能啊？
The first lie detector was made out of the rib of a man.
女人想说服男人给她买衣服，结果反被他说服，连自身的衣服都脱掉了。
A woman tried to talk him into buying her a dress, and he talked her out of the one she was wearing.
你生命中有多少男人不重要，重要的是那些男人有怎样的人生。质量重于数量。
It’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the life in your men.
抽雪茄就象谈恋爱。你一开始挑其外观，然后恋其味道。但你要记住，千万别让火熄灭了。
Smoking a cigar is like falling in love. First you choose it for its shape. Then you stay with it for its flavor. But you must remember: never, never let the flame go out.
女人的情焰高涨的程度与当初拒绝的坚决态度成正比。欲拒还迎就是这个道理。
The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman.
多数女人的麻烦就在于她们与多数男人的麻烦。
The trouble with most women is their trouble with most men.
女人要作出抉择：找个女人喜欢的男人，她不放心；找个女人讨厌的男人，她不高兴。鱼与熊掌，很难取舍。
A woman must choose: with a man liked by women, she is not sure; with a man disliked by women, she is not happy.
一日为女人，终身是女人。可是男人只有雄风还在的时候才是个伟哥。
A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man is a man only as long as he can.
妇女解放运动的主要成果就是AA制。
The main result of feminism has been the Dutch treat.
力求与男人平等的女人缺乏雄心壮志。
A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.
女人不管干什么，都必须干得比男人好一倍，还被视为只赶上男人的一半。幸亏这样做并不难。
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
有些女人变成她们想嫁的男人。有些男人会不会变成他们想娶的女人呢？
Some women are becoming the men they wanted to marry.
女人不会忘记自己的年龄-------一旦她定好是什么年龄以后。
A woman never forgets her age------once she decides what it is.
女人算年龄不是从出生那天算起，而是从结婚那天算起。
Women count their age from their marriage, not from their birth.
弱势性别成了强势性别，因为强势性别见到弱势性别就软弱起来。英雄难过美人关。
The weaker sex are the stronger sex because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex.
我不会恨男人恨到要将他给我的钻石还给他。睹物思人嘛。
I never hate a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
大多数女人当妈妈纯属意外，有些出于选择，少数迫于社会压力，有几个则是习惯成自然。
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit.
漂亮女人才有机会嫁入豪门。有的女人走捷径，干脆就直接嫁给整容医生得了。
Some women just take the short route by marrying the plastic surgeon.
富孀只不过是用一手价钱待沽的二手货。即便如此，还是有大批拍卖者趋之若鹜。
Rich widows are only second-hand goods that sell for first-class prices.
采阴补阳新解：周二发工资周五就花光的男人，欲寻找周五发工资周二就花光的女人为伴。
Man who gets paid on Tuesday and is usually broke by Friday would like to meet woman who is paid on Friday and is usually broke by Tuesday.
有的女人把男人当傻瓜耍，有的女人把傻瓜当男人宝。
For every woman who make a fool out of some men there’s another who makes a man out of some fool.
男人渴望的是女人，可女人渴望的就是要男人有那种渴望。
The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.
男人喜欢家常菜。女人讨厌常在家做菜。看来，男人只有亲自下厨了。
Men love home cooking. Women hate cooking home.
四个男人凑在一起就谈体育。四个女人凑在一起就谈男人。四个男人和四个女人凑在一起呢？很可能就齐齐做某种体育运动了。
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports; when four or more women get together, they talk about men.
