做阳阳妈的挫折感

晚上跟父母通电话的时候，跟他们讲了我的焦虑。他们也说我太紧张了。可是他们一年多没看到宝宝了，没有象我这样整天都在试图和宝宝交流，整天都被他忽视，整天都觉得宝宝不在乎我，整天都在乞求他赐我一个眼神，整天都在想尽方法逗他、直到他歇斯底里的笑，随时拿着相机捕捉他瞬间的笑容，整天都在做心理斗争，是趴在他面前强迫他让我参与他的游戏，还是让他在一旁自己玩，我在另一旁自己上网，然后我假装很忙于是放弃他，然后自责，然后渴望老公回家能跟他玩在一起，然后发现老公更加心不在焉，然后责备老公，然后觉得自己特别失败。。。我想我父母是不能了解的。

然后他们批评我，说我的人生太狭窄了，说地震死了那么多人我也不关心，说我胸无大志，说我每天只是围着老公孩子转，好象我已经“完全放弃个人的爱好、享乐、交际，儿子成了我的生命和唯一”。早些年我学过那么多东西，交往过那么多人，去过那么多地方，管过那么多闲事，搞多那么多名堂，最后终于找到一样我热爱并能持久的事－－做阳阳的妈妈－－这是应该值得庆幸的呀，为什么我父母总是在批判我呢？说到这里，我要为古典的妻子辩护：我们不是为了儿女而活着，我们是为了做母亲而活着，因为我们享受做母亲的欢乐（和悲伤）。

不知我父母是否在享受做我父母的悲伤（和欢乐）。

今天一个做儿医的网友跟我联络，同意我尽早给阳阳做一下 evaluation。她说有时候排队要两三个月。她还建议我们给阳阳找 speech therapy，因为她的儿子有一些 speech delay，没有做 therapy，现在12岁，口头表达能力还是很差。她说 speech therapy 是不怕早开始的，如果 therapist 认为孩子没问题，就不需要做。她让我找 mchat 来做，是 "Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers"，一共23题，阳阳 failed 5 critical questions and 9 other questions。他还不到16个月，可能到时还会有进步，但非常值得警戒。

I went to a bookstore and browsed some books on the subject. I am pretty sure that Yangyang has autistic tendency (or some similar disorder). I want to know what I can do while we are waiting for the official evaluation. I've learned 2 things.

1) eye contact is the most important. try to position myself so yangyang can look at me easily. make him use eye contact before giving him anything he wants, and then reward him.

2) eliminate distractions in the room.

Today I tried very hard to make eye contact with him. It used to be futile and frustrating, and I gave up after a while. Now I know what might be wrong with him, I welcome the challenge, and I am more persistent and I enjoy it a lot more. In the afternoon I took him to the play gym, and there was another baby girl of 13-month. I observed their differences. The girl often looked at me, smiled at me, and brought me stuff she found. Yangyang never initiated any communication with me. I didn't give up easily, and by the end of the day I feel that we had made some progress.

I hope that being his mom can be more purposeful.

[小花菜]

I have a friend who is a ped. I told her about my son's situation. She strongly suggests that we take him to a speech therapy. She says it is to help the baby learn to communicate, and can start at any time, as early as 9-months, without preion. I don't know much about your son's problem, but he seems to have a speech delay. I think you should take him to a speech test as your PD suggested, and then get some answers and help. In California, the school district can do speech therapy. I met a mom the other day who praised the speech therapy program, and encouraged me to check it out.

If you don't want to do anything now, wait until the 18-month check up, and talk to you PD.

Now my husband is much better, because I told him that our son is probably autistic. He is concerned, and is trying to communicate with the baby more. Before he just sat there and read a magazine or stared into the space when he watched the baby. You should try to convince him that your son might have some developmental problem, and get him involved.

Let's keep each other informed about our sons' developmental progress.

Good luck.

[DuoDuoMaMa2007]

Yes, I asked my ped when my son was around 14 months, and I was suggested to take him to a hearing and speech test. But I did not, since I don't think that he has any hearing problem. He can hear and follow my instructions.My ped told me that when I give him anything I should explain what it is and ask him to repeat. Now, he is almost 16 months and has no sign to say mom and dad, but he does babble.

My husband is not helpful either. If he has time, he would rather browse the internet. If I ask him to keep an eye on my son, most of the time he would call friends. Sigh:(((

[小花菜]

Thank you for your encouragement. I am trying my best to help him, and help our family. Have you asked your PD about your son? A friend who is a PD suggested me to do a initial screening test--mchat, and if the baby fails certain numbers of questions, then professional evaluation is needed. The form is for babies 16 months and older, so it might be useful for you. I hope everything will turn out fine for both our sons.

[DuoDuoMaMa2007]

看到这么可爱的小朋友一定要说两句了。我觉得关键是妈妈不要放弃，还好发现的早能尽早纠正。我儿子16个月了，还不叫妈妈爸爸，也不kiss我们，wave bye bye什么的都不会，但是有eye contact,有时我们非常frustrated。

希望阳阳能尽早好起来。妈妈 不抛弃，不放弃！！！ Bless!