College Essay 系列 (二十六)：Hardly Essay (2) 哈佛 WL文书

华裔女生的《YouTube, My Background, Community, and Success》哈佛WL文书

I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. As a child, I was ingrained with a fixed image of success. My elder siblings typified this with their straight A’s, trophies, and certificates, which my stereotypical Asian Parents reinforced with praises and rewards.

For me, however, success was always a moving target. The idea of a fixed goal, especially one determined by others, clashed with my own instinct that measures of success should be unique to each individual and aligned one’s distinct set of values.

I realized at an early age that the targets I set changed along with my interests and discoveries. In third grade, my sister introduced me to Girlsense, an online dress up game that became my afterschool obsession. I spent hours designing clothing lines, from grungy streetwear to chic apparel.

When Girlsense shut down, I enrolled in a graphic design class as my platform to express the wildest creations my imagination had to offer. I lost myself in my ability to manipulate reality in Photoshop as I edited my skin color to Avatar blue, and eyes to reflect galaxies. In both avenues, I felt invigorated by the freedom of experimentation.

The creativity I pursued was uniquely personal, there was not clear-cut standard for “success.” For once, I could not be quantitatively ranked as superior or inferior to anyone else. I embrace this escape.

When I stumbled across code, I discovered a new dimension wherein I could wield my creativity. I realized the pre-packaged software I was previously accustomed to (Girlsense/Photoshop) was less flexible than customized alternatives. They were merely programs. The true power came from the underlying scripts and subroutines — the building blocks that created these programs.

With a similar spirit, I aspired to create something that would enable people to express themselves fully. I started my YouTube channel, Alohakatiex, to share the thrill of creativity with others through self-taught directing, filming, and editing. I turned my ideas into video realities that others could enjoy.

Awkward personal experiences inspired relatable comedics skits, while hateful online comments led way to candid advice sessions on how to deal with bullies. My videos resonated with thousands globally and opened my eyes to a sphere of influence I never imagine I could possess.

The first time a viewer called me her role model, my heart swelled. When I received an email from a mother saying, “My daughter draws strength and inspiration from you,” I was struck with a newfound awareness that I was contributing to something larger than myself.

As a society, we gravitate towards order by creating arbitrary measurements whether they are grades, awards, or rankings. While I concede these measures have merit for gauging one’s relative standing, there is also a limit to which they should be valued.

To me, what’s more important is that we champion causes that we believe in and base our successes on the degree of impact we make. Even though I can’t reach to a million people right now, I know that I have impacted the lives of hundreds in a way that can’t be quantified.

Today, my mission is to convert my vulnerabilities into experiences that others can learn and gain inspiration from. Alohakatiex became a space where others learned to let go of their insecurities and find refuge in creativity just as I had. Creativity was an amorphous power that I had previously only used to express myself. Now I was using it to cultivate a community that uplifted one another.

Looking on to college, I will carry creativity like the camera around my neck. I may change the lens to form fresh perspectives in new settings, and attach a RODE mic to amplify my messages to mu college community and beyond. But throughout my journey, my creative spirit — the body of my camera — will remain at my core.

 

按惯例，先说好听的。

这篇文书文字上乘。从欣赏的角度去读，我也很喜欢读这篇。这篇值得学习的词汇有： grungy，stumble，wield，thrill，amorphous。还有值得学习的喻用词汇有：ingrain，escape，merit。

另一方面，这篇的主题看得出来是比较典型的复合价值申请文书。从fighting against stereotype引出creativity，再从fighting online bully进入altruism价值，这些内容都合理的组合在一起，给了哈佛AO他们想要的录取元素。

但是，既有文字又有主诉价值的故事，为什么也只是一篇WL的文书呢？

第一点，自身经历的fighting Asian stereotype和helping others fighting bully，这是一组不明确的搭配。一个是家庭对个人的态度（重成绩轻个性），另一个是社会对个人的态度（霸凌）。一个是希望你变得更好但方向错了，另一个则是就要你变得更糟糕。这两个概念之间没有足够的情感关联。当读者读到这两点后，他们在潜意识上不会产生强烈的同情，也就缺少对作者的好感。

第二点，在Creativity和Altruism这两个主诉价值上，缺乏深挖的情节点缀，而是流于statement式的阐述，这不足以唤起读者的sympathy和empathy。拍视频被简单地联系到creativity，但那是什么视频呢？ Altruism有个viewer comment的例子，但只是感动却没有具体到那条视频上。文中以简单的category 词汇awkward personal experience来描述这些视频，是行文粗糙的表现。

第三点，结尾处出现的Camera，读起来像是一个突兀的故事元素。本来，这个故事如果以Camera作为主线，并借助它来表现作者的Creativity和Altruism的话，这很可能是一篇顶级的文书结构了。Camera一定是作者写作过程中的某刻灵感闪现，它说明作者写作的思维能力已经进入了很好的文字意境中。她缺乏更合理低组织这些创作元素的能力；而很多情况下，只是去粗取精的过程。

无论如何，本篇的作者都已经与那些言之无物的文书的作者之间分出高下了。这，就是她在WL后，仍然能被录取的理由。