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康拉德的忧伤我的忧伤(4)——那忧伤的死亡

(2023-03-29 19:51:13) 下一个
(原创:灵隐士)

康拉德的忧伤我的忧伤(4)——那忧伤的死亡

  (They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They were not enemies, they were not criminals, they were nothing earthly now,--nothing but black shadows of disease and starvation, lying confusedly in the greenish gloom. Brought from all the recesses of the coast in all the legality of time contracts, lost in uncongenial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened, became inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and rest. These moribund shapes were free as air--and nearly as thin. I began to distinguish the gleam of eyes under the trees. Then, glancing down, I saw a face near my hand. The black bones reclined at full length with one shoulder against the tree, and slowly the eyelids rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me, enormous and vacant, a kind of blind, white flicker in the depths of the orbs, which died out slowly. The man seemed young--almost a boy--but you know with them it's hard to tell. I found nothing else to do but to offer him one of my good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. The fingers closed slowly on it and held--there was no other movement and no other glance. He had tied a bit of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he get it? Was it a badge--an ornament--a charm--a propitiatory act? Was there any idea at all connected with it? It looked startling round his black neck, this bit of white thread from beyond the seas.)

  以上来自第19页,描写一群苦力,黑人劳工的死亡之路。这样的描述,让人感觉任何解释都多余无力,因为康拉德意境所包含的力度太强大,只好直接翻译如下:

  “显而易见这些人正在慢慢地死去。他们呢,并不是我们的仇敌,也不是那些犯了滔天大罪的行恶之人,人生到了这个地步,其实不能再算地表之上的任何一种生物——屁都不是!只是一些黑漆八污的,看起来模模糊糊,一团阴暗的影子而已,身体生着病,胃里空空如也,就这么卧躺在这里,横七竖八乱七八糟,让人基本看不见他们,倒是顶上这树木长得绿油油枝叶繁茂无比,营养丰富,棒得不得了,所以这树荫才够大够密,才能阴翳四方,把下面遮挡得严严实实。这些黑人坐船沿着河滨来到此地,到了岸边的停靠之处下船,被监工头儿带着领到这儿,身上背着一纸合同,长期雇佣的合同,完完全全符合当地的法律精神(当地的法律会跟大不列颠一样吗?),心里带着自己对未来生活的向往,让自己的身影消失在恶劣至极,难以生存的陌生环境中,嘴巴整天咀嚼着看似食物的东西,口感如此陌生,时间一长开始生病,工作效率慢慢变差,直到有一天身体再也扛不住了,就会被人要求离开,走远点不要影响工程,只好自己帮助自己爬得远远的,爬到一个偏僻的角落,就这样,心里不想但是不得不这样,一直地休息下去。这些形体离死不远,以前被廉价使唤,直到今日才终于自由了,可以像空气一般轻柔无形,飘来飘去,如此稀薄,人眼近乎看都看不见。我尽力试着去辨识,在树丛之下,那一双双眼睛所流露出的微弱之光。只是向下随便瞟了一眼,就看到在自己的手边,真的有一张面孔。面孔看上去黑乎乎的,瘦骨嶙峋已经到了极限,用一侧的肩膀靠在树干上,眼皮无力缓缓抬起,深陷的眼睛从下向上看着我,其中似有万千话语,却又无比的空洞,看上去那是一种失明的感觉,只有在眼球组织最深处,依稀尚有一丝光亮在微微闪动,渐渐地,慢慢地,微光也开始消散离去。男子看上去年纪并不大,准确说还是个孩子,不过这事因人而异,并不是每个观察者都能分辨个清清楚楚。一下子我也不知道自己该做些什么,手抓吧了两下,从口袋里掏出一些饼干递给了他——那是瑞典战舰,大品牌,味道不错的。他的指头慢慢卷起来合拢手心,然后握住了饼干,除此之外不再有丝毫的动弹,一双眼睛完全被捕获,落在了饼干上面。我发现他的脖子上缠着一条细细的东西,小小的,白色,非常的显眼。他——为什么要戴着这个呢?还有,他是从哪里弄到手的?那东西算是个奖章吗?还是一个装饰品,小可爱?或者是一个标牌,可以用来抚慰自己的心灵?他——真的会有一些想法跟这条东西连在一起吗?实际上他把这条东西绕在自己黑色的脖子上,让我觉得挺吃惊的。因为这东西呀,不过是一段白色的丝线而已,就这样,没什么大不了,是一条来自海洋彼岸,遥远之端,文明社会里的一根丝线,普普通通。”

  (We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked as though he would presently put to us some question in an understandable language; but he died without uttering a sound, without moving a limb, without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last moment, as though in response to some sign we could not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black death-mask an inconceivably somber, brooding, and menacing expression. The luster of inquiring glance faded swiftly into vacant glassiness.)

  上述描述来自第56页,行驶的船受到岸上的袭击,舵手,一个本地的追梦者中了标枪死于非命。他冒险前来或许只是想赚点钱,让家人过上好日子,结果死了。任何额外的解释都觉得苍白无力,继续直接翻译如下: 

  “我们两个白人围着他站在那里,他那明亮的目光似乎带着询问的意思,在这种目光笼罩之下,我们两个完完全全被控制住,然后包覆个结结实实。我断定,此时此刻,看上去,他的心里是想要问我们一些问题,用人类,当然包括我俩所熟悉的一种语言。是啊他就这么死了,再也一声不吭,一动不动,身体里任何一条肌肉都不会再一次紧绷,再一次放松。他在生命那最后一刻,仿佛对这世界,对我们的所作所为做出了回应——对那些我们视而不见的迹象,对那些我们置若罔闻的低语,他的表情异常沉重,眉头紧皱着——皱着的眉头让黑色皮肤之上形成了另外一层,一张衍生的死亡面具,浮现出一种让人难以觉察的清醒,沉思着,逼迫着我俩的心肺。顷刻之间,那目光里的疑问,那一丝光彩迅速消逝,化为无极的空虚,一眼即可望穿。”

  (These round knobs were not ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and puzzling, striking and disturbing--food for thought and also for the vultures if there had been any looking down from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were industrious enough to ascend the pole. They would have been even more impressive, those heads on the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back I had given was really nothing but a movement of surprise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. I returned deliberately to the first I had seen--and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eyelids,--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the teeth, was smiling too, smiling continuously at some endless and jocose dream of that eternal slumber.)

  上述描写来自第70页的贸易中转站,房子前面的保护栅栏,是一排插着人头作为顶部装饰的柱子。彪悍描写,无需解释,拜服之下,唯有低头翻译:

  “这些圆溜溜的球状物并不是为了装饰美化环境,而是带有象征的意味。它所传达的情绪非常直白,虽然触目惊心,动人魂魄,但是让人迷惑,更让人不安。这东西绝对耐人咀嚼,也耐天上飞着的秃鹰的咀嚼,如果它们愿意低头,向地上望上一眼,然后尝一下很容易就知道。就算这样,这些对于蚂蚁一族没有一点问题,它们会不辞劳苦地爬上柱杆,然后就能够开开心心,美美地享用一番美食大餐。这些圆圆的人脑壳,插在木桩之上,面孔朝向房屋不容易发现,如果对着外面,那肯定会更加地令人恐惧,印象深刻(估计是土著袭击房子时转过去的)。只有一个是例外,首先让我看到了所以才能搞个明白——因为他的脸正好对着我的目光。老实说,我没有特别震惊,至少没有你们想象的那般震惊。不过现在回顾一下,发现除了惊讶还是惊讶。我原本以为这只不过是一个木制的柱头而已,因为在英国这种挺常见的,你们明白我的意思对吧?于是我小心翼翼地回到了起点,走到那第一个插着人头的地方——这个人头呢就立在那儿,黝黝黑黑的,已经干枯板结了,所以脸颊深陷,它的眼皮合拢着——看上去就像是一个人在柱子顶端上睡着了,嘴唇因为干瘪而紧缩起来,于是在唇间就显现出了细细的一条白色,是用牙齿所连成的白线,我感觉他像是在微笑,不停地微笑,应该是在打盹吧,一个永远不会被打搅到的盹,然后做着一个梦,自己觉得挺好笑的梦,于是笑了,不过呢,这个梦无穷无尽,是一个让人再也无法醒悟的梦。”

  在任何年代,死亡总是一件令人忧伤的事情,不管对死的人,还是活着的,或者跟他骨肉相连的那些。死亡原因很多,或许因为战争,因为疾病,或许因为车祸,或许是被强制要求死亡——被死对头活捉,或者自己犯了罪被法官刽子手。当然有人会有异意,你瞎忧伤个啥啊!这个家伙不值得去同情——他心如蛇蝎只会害人是畜生,他罪大恶极,他杀人,他是强奸犯,他贪污受贿,他他他。。。。。。好吧,我同意,就让我认为99%的死亡值得忧伤。你也对,万事无绝对。不过我的心里有些疑虑——他的所作所为真的像宣传出来的那个样子吗?其中有没有捏造,夸大,或者隐藏一些东西,故意让外围的观众愤怒,然后失去理性,盲目去支持这种强制他人的死亡呢?有没有人面对过一个将要被执行死亡的自然人,心里面把他作为自然界的一个同类,真正保持着中立的姿态,去了解过他内心深处的感受——后悔?恐惧?焦虑?还是万念俱灰?麻木不仁?哭?笑?还是哭着到笑,笑着到哭,疯疯癫癫的?他会不会想到年迈的父母,爱他失望恨他的妻子,懵懵懂懂还小的孩子,以及爱过他,喜欢过他,帮助过他的朋友们?永别了,所有人,整个世界。。。。。。妈的,我还不想死呀!我听人讲过那些马上要被枪毙的死刑犯,在最后一个晚上是睡不着的,第二天基本是被拖出去到刑场,然后帮助之下才能把他固定跪好,等待着最后的枪声。有人嗷嗷大喊,有人声泪俱下,有人肢体不停颤抖,有人排泄失禁。人做什么事情第一次总会紧张,死亡更是这样,第一次就是最后一次,不由己选。有的人命硬一枪不死,抽搐着,在痛苦地惨叫,执行者马上干净利索地再补上一枪。这活儿一般人做不到,基本由军人来干,因为手狠心狠只听命令。

  死亡怎能让人不忧伤?被强制死亡怎能让人不忧伤?何况有的人罪不至死,还有的纯粹是被诬陷,被冤枉,老天瞎了眼。千年下来可太多了,比如窦娥,比如袁崇焕,比如岳飞。你能怪刽子手吗?还是怪一个法官奸臣?还是去怪那个昏庸的皇帝?一次又一次的重复,光怪一个人有用嘛。我看得怪睁眼瞎,有眼无珠,缺乏冷静开明的头脑,缺乏逻辑理性的思维,故此不能拨开乌云见明月。以及众多喜欢热闹,跟着风,吃着瓜的群众——混混沌沌麻醉着,被人下药忽悠着,冲动并好动,所以不辨是非。

  这是一种混沌的文化,事情不愿去搞个清清楚楚,习惯白中带着黑,黑中带着白。根子里缺乏哲学,不懂哲学,于是认为一切皆可是哲学,比如厚黑学。

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