【吐槽大会】暖场 之灵魂拷问

 

有关"吐槽"的定义，有一点是这么说的：吐槽是针对离谱的人或事物进行讽刺挖苦，或是犀利的批评。

这就给我整不会了，离谱？我的生活样样靠谱，没有离谱的东西啊！毕竟我的一天是这样的：

1. 一夜熟睡，窗外的暖阳照在身上，睁开朦胧的双眼，想起昨晚那顿香香的火锅，我赶紧站上磅秤。哦耶，竟然又轻了两磅耶！！这顿吃的真美。

2. 洗漱完毕，套上新买的连衣裙，步履轻快的出门，踏上通勤火车。身边座位的帅哥，有着湖水一样深邃的眼睛，望着我微笑地说了一声“早啊”。

3. 回到办公室，头儿叫我进会议室，高兴地告诉我，咱们上次的任务完成的漂亮，上头非常满意，这回奖金每人加30%！

4. 忙碌又充实的一天过去了，晚上回到家，娃亲热地靠过来，说他今天学校里很开心，希望妈妈也 had a great day。

啊！生活是如此美好又灿烂！

 

 

------------  我是现实与做梦的分界线 ------------

 

 

1. 该死的闹钟，昨晚又没睡好，我不想起！ 肚子咕噜咕噜的。赶紧站上磅秤。瓦特！！怎么还重了一磅！我昨晚滴水未沾啊。说好的物质守恒呢，这不科学啊!难道呼吸也有重量了？

2. 已经试了三身了，全跟扎粽子似的，算了，还是穿昨天那条松紧裤吧。终于赶上了火车，身边坐着的壮汉，一路都在大声吸溜着鼻子，还不停抖腿。我！想！爆！炸！

3. 刚进办公室，头儿叫我开会。然后说，上次的任务，我们晚了两周，上头意见很大，这次的奖金要扣掉20%。啥！我们为啥晚了他们不知道吗？？ 卡纸到货晚了四周，我们日以继夜地糊纸盒子，也来不及啊！

4. 又是战斗的一天，忙而无所获。总算到家了，娃一如既往的teenager嫌弃脸。我微笑着问，今天学校怎样啊？"good"， with a miserable face，进了他自己的房间，只给我一个背影。

生活啊，有时候真想有那个黑客帝国，每天做梦不用醒。就像那个经典的灵魂拷问：”你选小红丸还是小蓝丸？选小蓝丸，一切都不曾发生，你继续做自己的梦；选小红丸，你会看到事情的真相！“

扣题一首经典爱情歌曲，Glenn Frey 的 《The One You Love》。"你选那个爱你的，还是那个你爱的？"

 

I know you need a friend
Someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love
There's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do

I heard you on the phone
You took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy
The guy who left you crying
Isn't he the one who made you blue

When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you've gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they learn they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams
All the disappointments
Oh girl, what you gonna do

Your heart keeps saying it's just not fair
But still you've gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above