约翰·洛克的教育思想(中英对照)-25: 教养

BREEDING | The next good quality belonging to a gentleman, is good breeding. There are two sorts of ill-breeding: the one a sheepish bashfulness, and the other a mis-becoming negligence and disrespect in our carriage; both which are avoided by duly observing this one rule, not to think meanly of ourselves, and not to think meanly of others.

教养 |  一个绅士的另一个好品质是良好的教养。教养不良有两种：一种是羞怯腼腆，另一种是不检点和行为无礼；避免这两种情况只要好好遵循这个规则：不要看不起自己，也不要看不起别人。

The first part of this rule must not be understood in opposition to humility, but to assurance. We ought not to think so well of our selves as to stand upon our own value; or assume a preference to others, because of any advantage we may imagine we have over them; but modestly to take what is offered, when it is our due. But yet we ought to think so well of our selves, as to perform those actions which are incumbent on and expected of us, without discomposure or disorder, in whose presence soever we are, keeping that respect and distance which is due to every one's rank and quality. There is often in people, especially children, a clownish shamefacedness before strangers or those above them; they are confounded in their thoughts, words, and looks, and so lose themselves in that confusion as not to be able to do any thing, or at least not to do it with that freedom and gracefulnesswhich pleases and makes them be acceptable. The only cure for this, as for any other miscarriage, is by use to introduce the contrary habit. But since we cannot accustom ourselves to converse with strangers and persons of quality without being in their company, nothing can cure this part of ill breeding but change and variety of company, and that of persons above us.

这个规矩的第一部分不要理解为与谦虚相反，它是与自负相反。相对于我们本身的价值，我们不该把自己想得太好；不要以为我们比别人有些长处，就认为自己该比别人优先；只应该在我们应得的时候，谦虚地接受别人所给予的。但是有的行动是我们义不容辞该做的，也是别人期待我们去做的，我们应该看得起自己，无论在谁的面前都不要惶恐不安，要根据各人的地位与身份保持尊敬与距离。常常有人，特别是小孩，在生人或长者面前表现出滑稽的害羞的样子；他们在思想、言词与表情上都狼狈不堪，因而在混乱中失去自己，不能做成任何事情，或者至少不能随意优雅地做事而得人的喜悦与接纳。医治这个毛病的唯一办法，就如同医治别的毛病一样，就是通过练习形成相反的习惯。但是因为我们不与陌生人及上流社会的人相处，就不能使自己习惯与他们交谈，医治这种不良教养的方法只有多与各种人交往，多与高层人士交往。

As the before-mentioned consists in too great a concern how to behave ourselves towards others; so the other part of ill-breeding lies in the appearance of too little care of pleasing or shewing respect to those we have to do with. To avoid this these two things are requisite: first, a disposition of the mind not to offend others; and secondly, the most acceptable and agreeable way of expressing that disposition. From the one men are called civil; from the other well-fashioned. The latter of these is that decency and gracefulnessof looks, voice, words, motions, gestures, and of all the whole outward demeanour, which takes in company, and makes those with whom we may converse, easy and well pleased. This is, as it were, the language whereby that internal civility of the mind is expressed; which, as other languages are, being very much governed by the fashion and custom of every country, must, in the rules and practice of it, be learned chiefly from observation, and the carriage of those who are allowed to be exactly well-bred. The other part, which lies deeper than the outside, is that general good-will and regard for all people, which makes any one have a care not to shew in his carriage any contempt, disrespect, or neglect of them; but to express, according to the fashion and way of that country, a respect and value for them according to their rank and condition. It is a disposition of the mind that shews it self in the carriage, whereby a man avoids making any one uneasy in conversation.

上面所说的是太顾虑我们自己怎样行动来对待别人；不良教养的另一方面是太不关心向那些我们必须与之相处的人表示尊敬与取得好感。要避免这种情况，有两件事是必要的：第一、要有不得罪别人的意愿；第二、要用最易接受与最令人愉快的方法来表达这种意愿。有那种意愿的人被称作文明的；会那种方法的人是被称为得体的。后面这些指的是容貌、声音、言辞、动作、姿势以及整个外表举止都要庄重优雅，因此吸引客人，并且使那些与我们交谈的人感到舒适和非常高兴。这就是表示心中内在的彬彬有礼的语言，象别的语言一样是受每个国家的风俗与习惯所支配影响的，它的规则与实行，主要是从观察和从那些有良好教养的举止去学习。而另一部分，是深藏在外表之下的，是对所有人普遍的善意与尊敬，使得一个人注意不在举止上表现对别人的轻视、无礼或者怠慢；却使他根据那个国家的风尚与方式，按照人的等级和地位，表示应有的尊敬与重视。它是表现在举止上的一种气质，可以让人在交往中不至于使任何人不安。

I shall take notice of four qualities, that are most directly opposite to this first and most taking of all the social virtues. And from some one of these four it is, that incivility commonly has its rise. I shall set them down, that children may be preserved or recovered from their ill influence.

我注意到有四种品质，是与这种最基本、最迷人的社交美德最直接冲突的。无礼不文明的毛病常常从这四者之中的某一个产生。我把它们记下来，为的是使小孩不受它们的不良影响，或者从它们的不良影响中扭转回来。

1. ROUGHNESS | The first is, a natural roughness, which makes a man uncomplaisant to others, so that he has no deference for their inclinations, tempers, or conditions. It is the sure badge of a clown, not to mind what pleases or displeases those he is with; and yet one may often find a man in fashionable clothes give an unbounded swing to his own humour, and suffer it to justle or over-run any one that stands in its way, with a perfect indifferency how they take it. This is a brutality that every one sees and abhors, and nobody can be easy with: and therefore this finds no place in any one who would be thought to have the least tincture of good-breeding. For the very end and business of good-breeding is to supple the natural stiffness, and so soften men's tempers, that they may bend to a compliance, and accommodate themselves to those they have to do with.

1. 粗野 | 第一是天生的粗野，使得一个人对别人不是谦恭有礼，所以他也不尊重他们的爱好、脾气或地位。丝毫不在意什么会使相处的人高兴还是不高兴，这是蠢人的确实标志；然而人们常常可以发现有人衣着光鲜却随意乱发脾气，冲撞辗压任何挡住他的道的人，完全不理会他们怎样看待。这是每个人都看到与憎恶的一种野蛮行为，没有人能与其自如地相处；所以任何觉得自己有一点点良好教养的人都不愿意有这种行为。因为良好教养的目的与任务是弥补天性的生硬，使人的脾气变柔和，因而他们能曲身服从，并能适应他们必须与之相处的人。

2. CONTEMPT | Contempt, or want of due respect, discovered either in looks, words, or gesture: this, from whomsoever it comes, brings always uneasiness with it. For nobody can contentedly bear being slighted.

2. 轻蔑 | 轻蔑，或者缺乏应有的尊敬，可以从眼神、言辞或姿态中发现；无论轻蔑从谁那里来，它总是令人不自在。因为没有人安心地忍受被别人看不起。

3. CENSORIOUSNESS | Censoriousness, and finding fault with others, has a direct opposition to civility. Men, whatever they are or are not guilty of, would not have their faults displayed and set in open view and broad day-light, before their own or other people's eyes. Blemishes affixed to any one always carry shame with them: and the discovery, or even bare imputation of any defect is not borne without some uneasiness. Raillery is the most refined way of exposing the faults of others: but, because it is usually done with wit and good language, and gives entertainment to the company, people are led into a mistake, that where it keeps within fair bounds there is no incivility in it. And so the pleasantry of this sort of conversation often introduces it amongst people of the better rank; and such talkers are favourably heard and generally applauded by the laughter of the bystanders on their side. But they ought to consider, that the entertainment of the rest of the company is at the cost of that one who is set out in their burlesque colours, who therefore is not without uneasiness, unless the subject for which he is rallied be really in itself matter of commendation. For then the pleasant images and representations which make the raillery carrying praise as well as sport with them, the rallied person also finds his account, and takes part in the diversion. But because the right management of so nice and ticklish a business, wherein a little slip may spoil all, is not every body's talent, I think those who would secure themselves from provoking others, especially all young people, should carefully abstain from raillery, which by a small mistake or any wrong turn, may leave upon the mind of those who are made uneasy by it, the lasting memory of having been piquantly, though wittily, taunted for some thing censurable in them.

3. 非难 |  非难别人，找别人的错，是与礼貌直接对立的。人无论是不是真的犯了错，都不愿意当着自己的或别人的面，把它们在光天化日下公开展示。任何人有缺点总会感到羞耻；一旦被人发现，或仅仅是被人疑心有缺点，也会令人不安的。揶揄是最文雅的方法来指出别人的过失：不过因为它通常是用打趣与愉快的语言，还给在场的人以娱乐，人们就产生一种错觉，认为它在适当的范围之内，其中没有无礼的成分。而且这种取笑的谈话方式在地位较高的人群中流行，这样讲话者人们愿意倾听，和他们站在一边的旁观者常常以笑声为他们喝彩。但是他们应该考虑，在场其他人的娱乐是以那被嘲弄模仿的人为代价的，那被嘲笑的人因此不能不感到不安，除非那被揶揄的事情本身是值得称赞的。因为那时愉快的描绘和表现使揶揄成为既是开玩笑又是赞扬，被揶揄的人也能找到自己的价值，并且加入去娱乐。但是因为正确的处理它是如此微妙、如此棘手的一件事，一点点的失误就可能全弄糟了，这不是每个人的强项，我觉得那些不愿触怒别人的人，特别是所有的年轻人，应该小心地避免揶揄，因为一点小错或走错一步，可能使被揶揄的人不安的心中留下长久的记忆，觉得自己因为可责备的事情而受到虽然风趣但却尖刻的奚落。

Besides raillery, contradiction is a sort of censoriousness wherein ill-breeding often shews it self. Complaisance does not require that we should always admit all the reasonings or relations that the company is entertained with, no, nor silently to let pass all that is vented in our hearing. The opposing the opinions, and rectifying the mistakes of others, is what truth and charity sometimes require of us, and civility does not oppose, if it be done with due caution and care of circumstances. But there are some people, that one may observe, possessed as it were with the spirit of contradiction, that steadily, and without regard to right or wrong, oppose some one, or, perhaps, every one of the company, whatever they say. This is so visible and outrageous a way of censuring, that nobody can avoid thinking himself injured by it. All opposition to what another man has said, is so apt to be suspected of censoriousness, and is so seldom received without some sort of humiliation, that it ought to be made in the gentlest manner, and softest words can be found, and such as with the whole deportment may express no forwardness to contradict. All marks of respect and good will ought to accompany it, that whilst we gain the argument, we may not lose the esteem of those that hear us.

除了揶揄，反驳也是一种非难别人、显示不良教养的方式。彬彬有礼并不是要求我们总是接受别人的推理与看法，也不总是沉默地放过我们听到的所有言论。真理与仁爱有时候要我们反对别人的意见，矫正别人的错误，如果做的时候谨慎小心，注意客观环境，那是不违反礼仪。但是你会看到有一些人怀着爱反驳的情绪，总是不管对错，不断地反对某一个人，甚至反对在场的每一个人，也不管他们说的什么。这是一种极明显、极荒谬的责难方式，被指责的人没有不觉得自己受到伤害的。所有对别人的话的反对，很容易被怀疑成非难，很少有人能在接受的时候不感到有点羞辱，所以应该用最和善的态度、最柔和的言辞来表达，要从完整的仪态来表明你不想冒失冲突。要表现所有的尊敬与善意，这样当我们赢得辩论胜利的时候，我们也不会失去对方的尊重。

4. CAPTIOUSNESS | Captiousness is another fault opposite to civility; not only because it often produces misbecoming and provoking expressions and carriage, but because it is a tacit accusation and reproach of some incivility taken notice of in those whom we are angry with. Such a suspicion or intimation cannot be borne by any one without uneasiness. Besides, one angry body discomposes the whole company, and the harmony ceases upon any such jarring.

4. 刁难 |  刁难是与礼貌相冲突的另一种过犯；不仅因为它常常带来不适宜的和激怒人的表情与举止，而且因为我们生气的时候，它是我们对于对方的无礼的一种无言的谴责与责备。这样的怀疑与暗示是不可能不让人不安的。而且一个愤怒的人会使所有在场的人感到烦恼，和睦的气氛也因这种冲突而消失。

The happiness that all men so steadily pursue consisting in pleasure, it is easy to see why the civil are more acceptable than the useful. The ability, sincerity, and good intention of a man of weight and worth, or a real friend, seldom atones for the uneasiness that is produced by his grave and solid representations. Power and riches, nay virtue itself, are valued only as conducing to our happiness. And therefore he recommends himself ill to another as aiming at his happiness, who, in the services he does him, makes him uneasy in the manner of doing them. He that knows how to make those he converses with easy, without debasing himself to low and servile flattery, has found the true art of living in the world, and being both welcome and valued every where. Civility therefore is what in the first place should with great care be made habitual to children and young people.

人们不断追求的幸福包含着快乐，由此可以容易知道为什么文明的人比有用的人更为人所认同。一个有分量、有价值的人或者一个真正的朋友，他的能力、真诚和善意很少可以抵消他的严肃与出色表现带给人的局促不安。权力和财富，甚至美德本身，被看重也只在于能增进我们的幸福。所以一个人帮助别人，但他帮助的方式让人不自在，就别人的幸福而言，他是不会为人所接受的。那些知道怎样使与他交往的人感到自在，而又不贬低自己到低下与阿谀逢迎的地位的人，就发现了处世的真正艺术，是会到处受到欢迎与重视的。所以彬彬有礼是小孩和年轻人应该非常小心养成习惯的头等大事。

There is another fault in good manners, and that is excess of ceremony, and an obstinate persisting to force upon another what is not his due, and what he cannot take without folly or shame. This seems rather a design to expose than oblige: or at least looks like a contest for mastery, and at best is but troublesome, and so can be no part of good-breeding, which has no other use or end but to make people easy and satisfied in their conversation with us. This is a fault few young people are apt to fall into; but yet if they are ever guilty of it, or are suspected to incline that way, they should be told of it, and warned of this mistaken civility. The thing they should endeavour and aim at in conversation, should be to shew respect, esteem, and good-will, by paying to every one that common ceremony and regard which is in civility due to them. To do this without a suspicion of flattery, dissimulation, or meanness, is a great skill, which good sense, reason, and good company can only teach; but is of so much use in civil life that it is well worth the studying.

另外还有一种缺点在良好举止中，那就是过度的虚礼，并且执意坚持把过分的、别人接受也不能不感到愚蠢或羞愧的礼节强加于人。这看起来与其是感激不如说是故意让人出丑：或者至少是象在争胜，最好也是令人讨厌的，决不是良好教养的一部分，因为良好教养的用处与目的只有让那些与我们交往的人感到轻松和满足。这种过失年轻人很少会犯；但是万一他们犯了，或者有将犯的嫌疑，那就应该告诉他们，警告他们不犯这种礼仪的错误。他们在交往中应该尽力、应该针对的目标是在礼仪上对每个人都恰当地表示起码的礼节与尊敬。能做到这一点却又没有谄媚、虚伪或卑鄙的嫌疑，这是一个重要的技巧，只有良好的判断力、理智和优秀的朋伴才可以教导；但是这种技巧在社会生活中极其有用，所以值得学习。

Though the managing ourselves well in this part of our behaviour has the name of good-breeding, as if peculiarly the effect of education; yet, as I have said, young children should not be much perplexed about it; I mean, about putting off their hats and making legs modishly. Teach them humility, and to be good-natured, if you can, and this sort of manners will not be wanting; civility being in truth nothing but a care not to shew any slighting or contempt of any one in conversation. What are the most allowed and esteemed ways of expressing this, we have above observed. It is as peculiar and different, in several countries of the world, as their languages; and therefore, if it be rightly considered, rules and discourses made to children about it, are as useless and impertinent, as it would be now and then to give a rule or two of the Spanish tongue to one that converses only with Englishmen. Be as busy as you please with discourses of civility to your son, such as is his company, such will be his manners. A plough-man of your neighbourhood that has never been out of his parish, read what lectures you please to him, will be as soon in his language as his carriage a courtier; that is, in neither will be more polite than those he uses to converse with: and therefore, of this no other care can be taken till he be of an age to have a tutor put to him, who must not fail to be a well-bred man. And, in good earnest, if I were to speak my mind freely, so children do nothing out of obstinacy, pride, and ill-nature, it is no great matter how they put off their hats or make legs. If you can teach them to love and respect other people, they will, as their age requires it, find ways to express it acceptably to every one, according to the fashions they have been used to: and as to their motions and carriage of their bodies, a dancing-master, as has been said, when it is fit, will teach them what is most becoming. In the mean time, when they are young, people expect not that children should be over-mindful of these ceremonies; carelessness is allowed to that age, and becomes them as well as compliments do grown people: or, at least, if some very nice people will think it a fault, I am sure it is a fault that should be over-looked, and left to time, a tutor and conversation to cure. And therefore I think it not worth your while to have your son (as I often see children are) molested or chid about it. But where there is pride or ill-nature appearing in his carriage, there he must be persuaded or shamed out of it.

虽然我们在这方面的行为上做得好叫做有良好的教养，就好象教育的特有效果似的。但是就如我说过的，小孩不应该为此受困扰；我的意思是他们脱帽与屈腿致敬的姿势是否时髦并不重要。如果你能尽力把谦逊与善良的品性教给他们，这样的举止就不会缺乏；礼仪其实只是一种小心，不在交往中对任何人表现一点点冷落或轻视。能够表达这种礼仪的最受认可、最受尊重的方法，我们在前面已经说过。世上各个国家的礼仪，就如它们的语言一样，是各有特点与各不相同的；所以，假如我们确实地想一想，教给小孩的规矩与论述是无用与无关的，就如同间或地给一个只与英国人交谈的人教一两条说西班牙语的规则。尽管你可以尽量与你的儿子讨论礼仪，但是他的伙伴是什么样，他的举止也会是什么样。你的邻居农夫从来没有走出过他的教区，无论你怎样教化他，他的言行仍然是一个谄媚者的样式；就是说，他不会比那些他日常交往的人更有礼貌。所以，对此没有别的办法，只有等他年纪够了去请一个导师教他，而且导师必须是一个有良好教养的人。如果我可以自由抒发我的心意，我郑重地主张只要小孩做事不是出于执拗、骄傲和心地不良，他们是不是脱帽或屈腿行礼并没有多大关系。如果你能教他们爱别人、尊敬别人，当他们年纪长到有需要的时候，他们会按照风尚习惯，找到为人所接受的表示礼貌的方法；至于他们身体的动作和举止，就如已说过的，到适当的时候，一个舞蹈老师就可以教给他们最合适的姿态。同时，当他们年轻的时候，人们并不期待他们过于注重这些仪式；粗心大意对那个年龄允许的，适合他们就如同夸奖赞美适合成人一样；或者即使有一些非常严格的人认为这是一种过失，至少我确信这是一种可以忽略的过失，应该留给时间、导师与交往来矫治。所以我认为你不值得为此花时间去干涉或责骂你的儿子 (我常常见到孩子被如此对待)。但是万一他的举止中有骄傲或恶意的成分，那就必须劝阻或使他羞愧来消除。

INTERRUPTION | Though children, when little, should not be much perplexed with rules and ceremonious parts of breeding, yet there is a sort of unmannerliness very apt to grow up with young people if not early restrained, and that is, a forwardness to interrupt others that are speaking, and to stop them with some contradiction. Whether the custom of disputing, and the reputation of parts and learning usually given to it as if it were the only standard and evidence of knowledge, make young men so forward to watch occasions to correct others in their discourse, and not to slip any opportunity of shewing their talents: so it is, that I have found scholars most blamed in this point. There cannot be a greater rudeness, than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse; for if there be not impertinent folly in answering a man before we know what he will say, yet it is a plain declaration, that we are weary to hear him talk any longer, and have a disesteem of what he says; which we judging not fit to entertain the company, desire them to give audience to us, who have something to produce worth their attention. This shews a very great disrespect, and cannot but be offensive: and yet this is what almost all interruption constantly carries with it. To which, if there be added, as is usual, a correcting of any mistake, or a contradiction of what has been said, it is a mark of yet greater pride and self-conceitedness, when we thus intrude our selves for teachers, and take upon us either to set another right in his story, or shew the mistakes of his judgment.

插嘴 |  虽然孩子小的时候不该受到教养的规矩与仪式方面的过多束缚，但是年轻人有一种不礼貌的行为，如果不早加以约束，就很容易滋长，那就是别人说话时鲁莽地插嘴，以反驳来打断别人说话。不知是习惯于争论，还是争论带来的能力与学问的名声使年轻人认为辩论是知识的唯一标准与证明，他们总是在交谈中找机会去纠正别人，不想失掉任何机会来显示他们的才能；我发现学者在这一点上是最应该受到谴责的。没有比在别人说话时打断他更加无礼的；因为如果不是因为鲁莽愚蠢而抢在别人将说什么之前去答复他，那也是明显地表示我们厌烦他再继续说下去，轻视他所说的话；我们觉得这不能娱乐在座的人，所以想让他们听我们的，我们可以告诉他们值得倾听的事情。这表现出极大的不敬，只会令人不快的；但是几乎所有的插话都带有这样的坏处。如果在插话之外，再加上通常的纠正别人的错误，反驳别人所说的话，我们就是自己强充先生，主动承担去改正别人的叙述，或去指出别人判断的错误，这是更大的骄傲与自负的标志。

I do not say this, that I think there should be no difference of opinions in conversation, nor opposition in men's discourses: this would be to take away the greatest advantage of society, and the improvements that are to be made by ingenious company; where the light is to be got from the opposite arguings of men of parts, showing the different sides of things, and their various aspects and probabilities, would be quite lost, if every one were obliged to assent to, and say after the first speaker. It is not the owning one's dissent from another that I speak against, but the manner of doing it. Young men should be taught not to be forward to interpose their opinions, unless asked, or when others have done and are silent; and then only by way of inquiry, not instruction. The positive asserting, and the magisterial air, should be avoided; and when a general pause of the whole company affords an opportunity, they may modestly put in their question as learners.

我并不是说，我觉得交谈的时候不能有不同的意见，也不是说不能反对别人的言论：这会消除社交的最大益处，使人不能从聪明的伙伴那里得到提高；假如第一个人说话之后，余下的每一个人必须赞同他，那么有才能的人互相辩论，得以显示事情的各个方面和各种可能性，这样的好处就失去了。我不是反对跟别人的意见不一样，我是反对表示相反意见的方式。应该教导年轻人不要中途插话发表意见，除非是别人问到，或者当别人已经说完话，没有人说的时候；而且只能用请教的口吻，不要用指点的方式。绝对的断言与威严的气势应该加以避免；当在座的人都停止讲话，在此机会，才以学习者的身份谦逊地提出问题。

This becoming decency will not cloud their parts, nor weaken the strength of their reason; but bespeak the more favourable attention, and give what they say the greater advantage. An ill argument, or ordinary observation, thus introduced, with some civil preface of deference and respect to the opinions of others, will procure them more credit and esteem, than the sharpest wit, or profoundest science, with a rough, insolent, or noisy management; which always shocks the hearers, and leaves an ill opinion of the man, though he get the better of it in the argument.

这种相称的得体礼仪不会掩盖他们的才能，也不会削弱他们理性的力量；反而让他们得到更好的关注，给他们所说的话更大的益处。一个不利的论点，或者一般的评论，这样提出并在前面加上一些尊重别人意见的礼貌的引语，会使他们取得更多的荣誉和敬重，超过用一种粗鲁的、狂傲的或聒噪的方式表达出的最聪明的机智或最艰深的科学知识；这后者总使听者感到反感，即使他在争论中取胜，也给人留下不好的看法。

DISPUTE | This therefore should be carefully watched in young people, stopped in the beginning, and the contrary habit introduced in all their conversation. And the rather, because forwardness to talk, frequent interruptions in arguing, and loud wrangling, are too often observable amongst grown people, even of rank amongst us. The Indians, whom we call barbarous, observe much more decency and civility in their discourses and conversation, giving one another a fair silent hearing till they have quite done; and then answering them calmly, and without noise or passion. And if it be not so in this civilized part of the world, we must impute it to a neglect in education, which has not yet reformed this ancient piece of barbarity amongst us. Was it not, think you, an entertaining spectacle, to see two ladies of quality accidentally seated on the opposite sides of a room, set round with company, fall into a dispute, and grow so eager in it, that in the heat of the controversy, edging by degrees their chairs forwards, they were in a little time got up close to one another in the middle of the room; where they for a good while managed the dispute as fiercely as two game-cocks in the pit, without minding or taking any notice of the circle, which could not all the while forbear smiling? This I was told by a person of quality, who was present at the combat, and did not omit to reflect upon the indecencies that warmth in dispute often runs people into; which, since custom makes too frequent, education should take the more care of. There is no body but condemns this in others, though they overlook it in themselves; and many who are sensible of it in themselves, and resolve against it, cannot yet get rid of an ill custom, which neglect in their education has suffered to settle into an habit.

争执 | 所以这种情况在年轻人身上要小心地注意，一开始就加以阻止，并让他们在交往中养成相反的习惯。因为抢着说话，常常在辩论时插嘴，以及高声争吵，在成人身上也常常看到，甚至发生在我们这个阶层的人中间。印第安人，就是我们称作野蛮人的，在他们的讨论与交谈中遵循更得体、更礼貌的规矩，他们彼此静默聆听直到讲话的人说完；然后他们才冷静地回答，既不吵闹也不动感情。如果在文明世界还不能做到这一点，我们只能将其归咎于缺乏教育，还没有把我们这种古代的野蛮行为改变过来。如果两个有身份的贵妇人偶然坐在一个房间相对的两边，周围坐着许多人，她们却争吵起来，而且争吵如此起劲，在争端的高潮，渐渐都把座椅前移，短时间内她们站在房间中央，互相靠近；一段时间中她们激烈争论就象两只斗鸡在斗鸡场上，不介意或不注意忍俊不禁的围观者，你难道不认为这是令人捧腹的奇观吗？这是一个有身份的人告诉我的，他亲眼看见这场争吵，还没有忘了仔细思考人们激烈争论时容易表现的极端的不礼貌；这是习俗使其常常出现，所以教育应该更多地对付处理这种情况。人们只是谴责别人有这种毛病，却忽略自己也有这毛病；而且很多人知道自己有这毛病，并且决心要改，却不能丢掉这坏习气，因为他们教育上的疏忽使这毛病变成了习惯。

Company | What has been above said concerning company, would perhaps, if it were well reflected on, give us a larger prospect, and let us see how much farther its influence reaches. It is not the modes of civility alone, that are imprinted by conversation: the tincture of company sinks deeper than the out-side. And possibly, if a true estimate were made of the morality and religions of the world, we should find that the far greater part of mankind received even those opinions, and ceremonies they would die for, rather from the fashions of their countries, and the constant practice of those about them, than from any conviction of their reasons. I mention this only to let you see of what moment I think company is to your son in all the parts of his life, and therefore how much that one part is to be weighed and provided for; it being of greater force to work upon him, than all you can do besides.

伙伴 |  假如我们仔细想一想上面所说的有关伙伴的话，也许可以给我们更大的展望，让我们看到它的影响有多么深远。交往给我们留下的印记不只是礼仪的方式；同伴的影响浸润深入外表之下。假如可能的话，让我们真正估计一下世上的道德与宗教，我们就会发现绝大多数人不惜生命坚持的见解和礼仪，多是出自于他们国家的风尚和他们周围人的不断实践，而不是出自于他们自己的理智。我说这话的意思是让你明白，我认为伙伴何时对你儿子生活的各个方面有影响，因此要针对那个方面有所考量与准备；因为伙伴对他的影响作用比你能做的别的所有事情都要大。

 

摘自Some Thoughts Concerning Education (English-Chinese Edition)(ISBN-10: 1537479857)