孤独之旅 （二）

（二）

灵铛回来了，一路汇演从县城到市里。疲惫不堪。不过回想起这一路的收获和队员们对她的舞技的肯定，她很开心。放下行李，去开水房打水回来洗了个头，她对镜梳理黄褐色的长发，偷笑以前人们眼中的那个黄毛丫头现在已变成大姑娘了。宿舍里的室友在讨论要考的科目，她已经缺了一周的课了。本想问问重点在什么地方，却发现室友都有意无意躲她的目光，就像她是来这里做客的。洗漱完毕灵铛踩着高低床的梯子爬上二层，准备开始复习要考的科目。这时她发现一沓儿来信，都是没有发信地址的。她把那些信原封不动塞进一个纸盒子里，不去理会。都是那些情窦初开的男生观众们一时冲动的胡话。突然，她看见床头贴近枕头的地方有一张折起来的信纸。觉得奇怪，灵铛拿过来打开，发现上面有很简短的几行字。笔迹很眼熟。对了，这不是她的形影不离的好朋友涛的字吗？读完短信，她一下子没有明白过来说了什么。再读一遍：“你好灵铛，很抱歉我恐怕不能再和你做最好的朋友了。我需要你的时候，你总在忙，我交的新朋友她可以每天和我谈天说地。而且我越来越觉得和你在一起我有压力，你的光环太耀眼了，它完全遮住了我。对不起！” 这一次，她明白过来这纸条说什么了。她实在不敢相信这是真的。灵铛和涛曾经朝夕相处，互勉互助，是一对灵魂姐妹。灵铛是多么崇拜涛啊，虽然她没有很多的业余爱好，既不喜欢运动，也不会跳舞或者画画，可是她健谈风趣，知识广博。而且她善解人意，温柔可爱。她们在一起总是那么开心。涛对她来讲不仅仅是一个朋友或者知己那么重要，她是她的半颗心啊。想到这，两行热泪忍不住滚下面颊，她跌坐在硬板床上，脑子里像炸了一个雷，轰的一声将震荡传遍全身。等雷过去，脑海中一幕幕闪现最近涛有意避开她的场景，她曾经困惑不解，伤心难过，今天才明白缘由。灵铛有一刻想冲去涛的宿舍，跟她说让她收回她说的话。但是灵铛最终没有，只是任由眼泪无声地在脸上流淌，把心中积郁的苦闷和突袭而来的巨大孤独感冲走！失去涛，她不知道明天的太阳是否还能像往日一样温暖、滋润，晚上的月亮是否还会像平常一样明亮、会意。她觉得她的世界在开始崩溃，梦在开始飘走！

TWO

Translated by:　北美大牛

Bell came back exhausted, after performing in a series of shows in towns and
cities. Nonetheless she was happy, reveling with the memories of what she
learned and the encouragements and affirmations on her dancing skills by her
teammates. She put down her luggage, got some warm water from the water closet
and washed her hair. She combed her auburn hair, looked at herself in the
mirror, and chuckled that what people saw as a little girl had now grown into a
lass. The roommates were discussing the exam topics. She missed classes for a week,
so she tried to ask if she missed any important things. But she found her
roommates evaded from her glances, giving her the feeling that she is a guest.
After washing herself and brushed her teeth, Bell climbed up to the upper bunk
bed and started to prepare for the exams. Then she found a pile of letters
without sender’s address. She stashed those letters into a paper box, without
opening them. She wouldn’t read them, for those were letters filled with
nonsenses from the young men who saw her performing, gustatory for a crush on
her. Suddenly she saw by the pillow a folded letter at the head of the bed. Out
of curiosity, Bell opened it and saw a few lines. The strokes looked familiar
to her. Oh yes, these are the writings from Tao, one of her best friends. She
quickly read through the letter and could not immediately make much sense if
it. She read it again: “Dear Bell, I am sorry that I am afraid we can’t
continue to be best friends anymore. Whenever I needed you, you are always
busy. I now have a new friend, we chat along quite well, on all sorts of
topics. Besides whenever we are together I feel uneasy. You are too radiant and
the radiance completely overshadowed me. I am sorry!” Now she understood what
was said in this note. She couldn’t believe it. Bell and Tao had been together
day and night, they helped and encouraged each other, and they were like
sisters and truly soul mates. She adored Tao so much, although Tao weren’t into
many things, she didn’t like physical exercise, dancing, nor painting. But she
was humorous and learned, and enjoyed talking. In addition, she cared about
others. She was just sweet and adorable. They were always happy together. Tao
was important not only as a friend or confidant, she occupied one half of her
heart. When she thought about all these, streams of tears dropped from her
eyes. Bell sat on the hard wooden bed and felt like a bomb just exploded in her
head and the explosion shook her entire body. After the initial shock, flashes
of recent encounters with Tao appeared in her mind. Tao would avoid her and
that confounded and saddened her. Now she saw it clear. Bell wanted to break
into Tao’s dorm and demand her to take back what she said, but she did not. She
just allowed the tears to flow freely down through her face. She hoped that the
tears would flush away all the accumulated gloom and the new onrush of
loneliness. Without Tao, she dared to know not if the sun would rise tomorrow
as warm and gentle as before and if the moon would still be as bright and
tender before. She felt that the world was starting to collapse and dreams were
fleeting away!