透明体
我希望这个博客能记录我成为基督徒的历程。努力，以感恩的心态，面对每一天。努力，靠近理想中的信仰世界。
正文
经历了又一个精疲力竭的晚上和危机四伏的早晨之后，我终于可以上班，在和老大的战斗中得到一丝喘息的机会。 现在我真的相信他psychologist的判断，他是asperger's。虽然有很多工作要做，我还是忍不住上网查找，想看到一点他人的故事，得到一点共鸣一点安慰。又和他学校的counselor 和他的pediatrician打了电话，然后confirm了明天和psychogist app，和一个自闭儿子的妈妈打了电话，给他爸爸也发了封愤怒的邮件因为我跟他说让他跟老大网上聊聊辅导一下他几天都不回我。今天我已经没有力气也没有时间写老大的事情，不过我觉得有一个妈妈的故事让我感触很大，放这里和大家分享吧：
出自
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Aspergers-Syndrome/My-sons-behavior-is-breaking-my-heart/show/1522988
Hi. I am just learning about Aspergers because I think my 8 yo son may have it. My husband is angry at me and doesn't feel out son fits much of the criteria but I believe that he fits it quite a bit. My son is a beautiful boy, handsome, funny, loving but different from my two other sons.
When my 8 year old was young, he hated loud noises, big groups, lots of activity around him. He was bright and talked early. Everyone--including my husband--use to say it was like talking to a little adult instead of a child. He didn't like the feel of clothes, liked a limited number of foods, disliked foods often based on texture (and when older was able to say it was the texture of certain foods he disliked), used to line up all of his toys in a row and not want them moved, was sooo facinated by the ceiling fan. He could notice a small change in a room--like a moved vase or new picture added to the wall. He would cringe at he sound of clapping and get very upset when alot of people were around him.
At around the age of three he began acting oppositional--wanting something, then refusing to take it , then falling apart when you took it back. He'd cry and cry for the item but would then act indifferent if it was given to him. Then he started to back away from getting hugged but then when we'd stop trying to hug, he'd say "you don't love me, you won't hug me... This created a lot of turmoil in the house and became something that took place EVERY single weekend. I hated the weekend because it was so stressful. As he got older, the thing he would do was to say that we didn't ;ove him. he'd ask for verification that I loved him all the time but didn't really believe it. We told him we loved himm all the time--even before this issue became and issue.
He also didn't seem to interested in the VERY few kids in our neighborhood. As he got older, he started to want to play with kids, wants to have friends, wants to be around them but just seems like a fish out of water when he is with kids.
He doesn't seem to have any "friends" at school and often tells me that nobody likes him. He may have a "friend" for a day but then the next day he'll say that he kid doesn't like him. He has told me that he 'knows' that I love him but that he can't 'feel' the love in his heart. He doesn't seem to really enjoy anything but video games. He does belong to cubscouts but seems to be there parallel with the kids--not really 'with' them.
He is very sensitive to changes--such as in plans, funiture, belongings. He can't seem to part with anything, and often brings home junk he finds outside and gets upset if he can't keep it--even if it is broken hair clip or part of a toy. he acts like you are taking something so precious away from him. I've learned to let him keep the stuff and remove it when he has moved on to something else.
He seems to be hyperaware of what people think of him--almost like what a teenager might be like. It is obvious to me that he doesn't feel connected to any kids. He doesn't just play with them and assume that they like him--like most kids do. He seems to feel awkward around kids--even his classmates. I can see how he'd feel like kids don't like him since he doesn't really connect with them. He seems to be guarded against kids and adults really. It was hard for me to accept that he couldn't/didn;t address adults because he was so 'adult'like. I use to think he was being stubborn when he wouldn't acknowledge an adult but now I see that he feels uncomfortable doing it for some reason.
He has told me that he feels like kids don't like him, that he is weird, not smart,and feels unhappy inside most of the time. He can't tell me anything that he really enjoys besides videogames. Most of the things he does--school, boyscouts, homework, crafts (on the extremely rare occasion that I can engage him with one), bike riding etc--seems to feel like an imposition to him. Like something he HAS to get through--not something he likes or enjoys. I don't see any fire or spark in him when it comes to living. It almost appears like he is going through the motions of living rather than actually living. This is so sad for an 8 year lold. it just breaks my heart. I've cried myself to sleep many nights over this.
He just doesn't seem to fit in and is so very aware that he doesn't. I think I'd feel better if he just wanted to be alone rather than wanting to be with kids but not knowing how to do it. I forgot to mention that he does tis hand flapping thing all the time and often jumps up and down while doing it. he does this at home but i've seen him doing it in his classroom and on the playground at school. He does it when he is excited and sometimes to calm himself down or sooth himself.
He also has trouble sustaining attenton to things. He can't stay on a conversation unless it is talking about videogames. I get the feeling like he just wants to 'get the conversation over with' as quickly as possible. When he is being talked to, he often seems like he is not paying attention but usually knows what is going on. His teacher says he often doesn't pay attention but he gets A's on his work so he must be hearing her.
He also doesn't know when to stop doing something. if he is saying something like "dad didn't take the garbage out and now he has to when he should be giving me a shower". Then his dad will remind him that he came home from work late but his doesn't stop him from continuing to go on and on about this. It usually ends in an arguement and him getting yelled at. I use to think that he was being a stinker about it but now I think he doesn't honestly get when enough is enough. Like it is something out of the ordinary or something that doesn't follow the rules and he can't let it go. he has to point out over and over how his dad's behavior isn't right and it has affected him. On a similar note, he also always feels slighted--like someone is getting more than him. He worries about someone getting a prize when he doesn't, or his brothers having more candy, or playing more video games etc. He is always hypervigilant about being cheated in some way.
I was an overly paranoid mom because he was my first. I felt a connection to him that I never felt to anyone. I worried about him, his health, his comfort and did everything I could to make him feel safe, comfortable, and loved. This is why it so surprises me and hurts me to think he doesn't feel loved or as good as any other kid.
My husband feels like I make too much out of it but it is obviously hurting my son. My husband says that I have put this stuff in his head. When I talk to him about being more sensitive to things than many others I do it because my son has identified this as something that bothers him and I want to help him find ways to cope. I don't make up problems--I address the ones that become known to me. My husband feels that everything is fine and that my son overexaggerates his problems. I think my son is hurting and needs help learning social stuff (it's true tht he wasn't around many kids when he was young because really no kids live near us but the times he was around kids he never seemed to just enjoy--he seemed selfconscious and awkward) .
I reread this and feel bad as if I am pointing out only his shortcomings. He is a wonderful child. He is smart, learns things quickly, and when he smiles-it can light up a room. He is the opposite of what he thinks and feels he is. He is handsome (and I'm being impartial--really), interesting, loving, considerate most of the time, and truly the love of my life! I don't mean to focus on his problems or troubles, I only want to help him overcome these difficulties.
Does anyone have any comments--if you can get through this long winded comment. Thank you very much for your time.
出自
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Aspergers-Syndrome/My-sons-behavior-is-breaking-my-heart/show/1522988
Hi. I am just learning about Aspergers because I think my 8 yo son may have it. My husband is angry at me and doesn't feel out son fits much of the criteria but I believe that he fits it quite a bit. My son is a beautiful boy, handsome, funny, loving but different from my two other sons.
When my 8 year old was young, he hated loud noises, big groups, lots of activity around him. He was bright and talked early. Everyone--including my husband--use to say it was like talking to a little adult instead of a child. He didn't like the feel of clothes, liked a limited number of foods, disliked foods often based on texture (and when older was able to say it was the texture of certain foods he disliked), used to line up all of his toys in a row and not want them moved, was sooo facinated by the ceiling fan. He could notice a small change in a room--like a moved vase or new picture added to the wall. He would cringe at he sound of clapping and get very upset when alot of people were around him.
At around the age of three he began acting oppositional--wanting something, then refusing to take it , then falling apart when you took it back. He'd cry and cry for the item but would then act indifferent if it was given to him. Then he started to back away from getting hugged but then when we'd stop trying to hug, he'd say "you don't love me, you won't hug me... This created a lot of turmoil in the house and became something that took place EVERY single weekend. I hated the weekend because it was so stressful. As he got older, the thing he would do was to say that we didn't ;ove him. he'd ask for verification that I loved him all the time but didn't really believe it. We told him we loved himm all the time--even before this issue became and issue.
He also didn't seem to interested in the VERY few kids in our neighborhood. As he got older, he started to want to play with kids, wants to have friends, wants to be around them but just seems like a fish out of water when he is with kids.
He doesn't seem to have any "friends" at school and often tells me that nobody likes him. He may have a "friend" for a day but then the next day he'll say that he kid doesn't like him. He has told me that he 'knows' that I love him but that he can't 'feel' the love in his heart. He doesn't seem to really enjoy anything but video games. He does belong to cubscouts but seems to be there parallel with the kids--not really 'with' them.
He is very sensitive to changes--such as in plans, funiture, belongings. He can't seem to part with anything, and often brings home junk he finds outside and gets upset if he can't keep it--even if it is broken hair clip or part of a toy. he acts like you are taking something so precious away from him. I've learned to let him keep the stuff and remove it when he has moved on to something else.
He seems to be hyperaware of what people think of him--almost like what a teenager might be like. It is obvious to me that he doesn't feel connected to any kids. He doesn't just play with them and assume that they like him--like most kids do. He seems to feel awkward around kids--even his classmates. I can see how he'd feel like kids don't like him since he doesn't really connect with them. He seems to be guarded against kids and adults really. It was hard for me to accept that he couldn't/didn;t address adults because he was so 'adult'like. I use to think he was being stubborn when he wouldn't acknowledge an adult but now I see that he feels uncomfortable doing it for some reason.
He has told me that he feels like kids don't like him, that he is weird, not smart,and feels unhappy inside most of the time. He can't tell me anything that he really enjoys besides videogames. Most of the things he does--school, boyscouts, homework, crafts (on the extremely rare occasion that I can engage him with one), bike riding etc--seems to feel like an imposition to him. Like something he HAS to get through--not something he likes or enjoys. I don't see any fire or spark in him when it comes to living. It almost appears like he is going through the motions of living rather than actually living. This is so sad for an 8 year lold. it just breaks my heart. I've cried myself to sleep many nights over this.
He just doesn't seem to fit in and is so very aware that he doesn't. I think I'd feel better if he just wanted to be alone rather than wanting to be with kids but not knowing how to do it. I forgot to mention that he does tis hand flapping thing all the time and often jumps up and down while doing it. he does this at home but i've seen him doing it in his classroom and on the playground at school. He does it when he is excited and sometimes to calm himself down or sooth himself.
He also has trouble sustaining attenton to things. He can't stay on a conversation unless it is talking about videogames. I get the feeling like he just wants to 'get the conversation over with' as quickly as possible. When he is being talked to, he often seems like he is not paying attention but usually knows what is going on. His teacher says he often doesn't pay attention but he gets A's on his work so he must be hearing her.
He also doesn't know when to stop doing something. if he is saying something like "dad didn't take the garbage out and now he has to when he should be giving me a shower". Then his dad will remind him that he came home from work late but his doesn't stop him from continuing to go on and on about this. It usually ends in an arguement and him getting yelled at. I use to think that he was being a stinker about it but now I think he doesn't honestly get when enough is enough. Like it is something out of the ordinary or something that doesn't follow the rules and he can't let it go. he has to point out over and over how his dad's behavior isn't right and it has affected him. On a similar note, he also always feels slighted--like someone is getting more than him. He worries about someone getting a prize when he doesn't, or his brothers having more candy, or playing more video games etc. He is always hypervigilant about being cheated in some way.
I was an overly paranoid mom because he was my first. I felt a connection to him that I never felt to anyone. I worried about him, his health, his comfort and did everything I could to make him feel safe, comfortable, and loved. This is why it so surprises me and hurts me to think he doesn't feel loved or as good as any other kid.
My husband feels like I make too much out of it but it is obviously hurting my son. My husband says that I have put this stuff in his head. When I talk to him about being more sensitive to things than many others I do it because my son has identified this as something that bothers him and I want to help him find ways to cope. I don't make up problems--I address the ones that become known to me. My husband feels that everything is fine and that my son overexaggerates his problems. I think my son is hurting and needs help learning social stuff (it's true tht he wasn't around many kids when he was young because really no kids live near us but the times he was around kids he never seemed to just enjoy--he seemed selfconscious and awkward) .
I reread this and feel bad as if I am pointing out only his shortcomings. He is a wonderful child. He is smart, learns things quickly, and when he smiles-it can light up a room. He is the opposite of what he thinks and feels he is. He is handsome (and I'm being impartial--really), interesting, loving, considerate most of the time, and truly the love of my life! I don't mean to focus on his problems or troubles, I only want to help him overcome these difficulties.
Does anyone have any comments--if you can get through this long winded comment. Thank you very much for your time.
评论
So_Be_It
2015-03-29 10:36:50
回复
悄悄话
Come here and get a big bear hug!
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