Anger vs Drama by David Richo 转载

Anger vs. Drama

David Richo, in his book, How to Be an Adult, does a beautiful job of describing the difference between drama and real anger.

最主要的区别是对自己的feeling 负责。这是自尊自爱。当我们学会对自己负责, 才能改变生活。否则只是feeling 的奴隶。feeling 又是环境他人造成的。即使暂时解决, 却难以也做自己的主。

 

Drama	True Anger
Scares the hearer	Informs the hearer and creates attention in the hearer
Is meant to silence the other	Is meant to communicate with the other
Masks the dashed expectation or fear of not being in control with a false sense of control	Contains sadness or disappointment and these are acknowledged
Blames the other for what one feels	Takes responsibility for the feeling as one's own
Is a strategy that masks a demand that the other change	Asks for change but allows the other to change or not
Is violent, aggressive, out of control, derisive, punitive	Is nonviolent, always in control and within safe limits
Represses the true feeling	Expresses an assertive response
Occludes other feelings	Coexists with other feelings
Creates stress because one's bruised, scared ego is impotently enraged	Releases the aliveness in one's true self
Is held on to and endures as resentment	Is brief and then let go of with a sense of closure
Insists the other see how justified one is	Needs no response
Drama is a belligerent reaction to rejection that punishes by further distancing	Anger is an intimate response to rejection that bridges the distance or allows it without long-held resentment
Drama is based on indignation that one was not treated with the love and loyalty one unconsciously believe one is entitled to	Anger is based on displeasure at what happened but with consciousness that this feeling is based on a subjective interpretation