爱情是毒药 2

复活节的危机

（二）

晚上我读教会20周年感恩见证特刊时，一位姐妹的见证启发了我。那位姐妹在了解到梦是神对人们说话的方式之一后，每当在生活中遇到重大的抉择，她就向神祈求：如果这件事可行，请在我的梦中给我一个“绿灯”；如果神拦阻我行这事，就给我一个“红灯”。

 

我和他都是那种外表看来严肃、拘谨，其实内心浪漫、多情的人，在茫茫的人海中彼此同时一见钟情，这是多么的不容易啊！几乎算得上是奇迹了吧？相识不到一月，我们便已互相认定，对方就是我们所苦苦等待的人。我们几乎同时进入同一家公司工作，在同一个屋顶下出出入入了近八年的时间却从来没有碰见过，正好在我与丈夫决定离婚并分居半年以后，以一种奇特的方式见面了；一见面，互相就触了电一般。这是偶然的吗？这难道不是神所设定的吗？

 

我心乱如麻。我就也向神祈求：天父，感谢你爱我，你一直都爱我。如果他是你赐给我生命中的那一位，如果我们的交往是蒙神喜悦的，今夜请在我的梦中向我显示绿色；反之，向我显示红色吧。

 

午夜梦回，我真地得到了启示。我梦见一位警察正在调查一桩摩托车祸，他说出事的摩托车手穿着一件红色的皮夹克！虽然在梦中我没有见到红色，但警察提到了红色。我黯然了。我该怎么办？

星期二一上班，他的邮件就来了，邀请我去楼下的咖啡厅里喝茶。我的心想冲下去，可是我的脑海里还在回想着昨天晚上的梦。于是，我违心地拒绝了他的邀请。

 

但是我却丢了魂似的，不能专心工作。我出外去小树林里逛了几圈。回到电脑前，发现有他长长的一封邮件：

 

 

“I know and understand you have been upset because I did not call you. I apologize for that again, now. Last week I had told you that I have been going through a challenging, or rather difficult time, which has been like that for a while. This may not seem like an "excuse" and its is not one. Just a fact at a time of struggle with myself. But, not calling did not mean in any way that I was ignoring you. Far from that. I could never do that.

At the same time, the fact that you have become so upset about this made me remember that mind and reasoning should, as tough as this is, take priority over emotions. We both have been, I believe, going through very dificult times and we both have been more vulnerable perhaps, so to speak. We both came out of our "comfort zones" of solitude as a result. I do not think of this as being a mistake, and never will. I cannot deny, or oppose the way I feel about you. The only thing I can (and must try to oppose) is the need to meet with you. Sometime ago you sent me a message telling me that you made the difficult decision of not seeing me anymore, at least until things will have changed. Perhaps I should have respected that decision entirely and just wait until we both are past these difficult times.

However, you also said something else. And, every time you have said something I believed it and kept it with me; you must know this by now. You said that you will wait for me and for us, for however long it will take. One thing I cannot change about myself is this stupid, perhaps idiotic trait that I have of remaining much of a romantic person. Romantic people are almost imbeciles today. Such romantic persons often create and sometimes "live" in the little universe they make themselves, and take everyone and everything for granted. I have not been able to change this about myself, at least not yet. On one hand, I wish I could change it right now and become a cold, insensitive and "mechanical" person, same as I have been until just a little while ago. On the other hand, I hope I will never change, because if I do, it will feel like I lost my soul.

I am sorry if there are things in this letter that do not make sense to you. I wanted you to know that I will continue to believe that we will both wait for each other. This means that, for both our well being or mental integrities, I will not ask that I see you, outside of a cup of tea on a break perhaps. I made a promise to you that I will not disrespect you, nor myself. I must keep this promise.

But I also want you to know that, despite the physical distance, I will wait until the day we do not have to anymore.

Please try to forgive me for Saturday."

读完这封邮件，我的心都化了！爱情啊，你究竟是什么？你在我行尸走肉的生活中注入了生命，你激活了我心中浪漫多情的种子。因了爱情，我看天，天蓝；我看花，花好。我的心里已经化解了，但还是有点耿耿于怀，就干巴巴地回复他：

 

 

“Nobody asked you to change and nobody can change you.

 

Don't change; otherwise you'll not the same person I fall in love with.

 

I'll always wait for you if you're the one.”

 

 

他回答说：

 

 

“I know I am. Because I know you are the one too.

I will have to learn to be patient. Starting today.

I also promised you that every day I will tell you this:

I love you.

This will never change. No matter how long or how short we will not see each other, you will see these words coming to you every day."

 

至此，我终于可以坐下来专心工作了。

 

快下班的时候，我想他想得不行。就给他发了一句话：“I miss you.”

 

不久，有人推门进来，--是他！

 

爱情！有人说你是苦酒，有人说你是毒药！Life is too short。爱情！--即使是苦酒是毒药，我今天也要把它给喝了！