by Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D.
The basics
1. good news about adolescence: Parents can make a difference. Knowing what to expect is half the battle.
2. principles of good parenting:
The most effective parents are loveing but also demanding. They are accepting, affectionate, and involved. Thet enjoy doing things with their child and take pride in her accomplishments. They believethat parents have an obligation to understand their child's needs and feelings, treat the child's interests and problems as meaningful, and show genuine concern. At the same time, they set well-defined limits. They hold their child to high standards, establish clear rules for behavior, and enforce these rules strictly and consistently.
start with love and trust
- spend time together
- share your own feelings and concerns. Let her into your world
- Respect
- Be supportive
Set clear, reasoned limits
Issues that relate to physical and emotional safety and to deeply held family values fall into the category of non-negotiable rules. These are areas in which parents should not –indeed, must not-allow adolescents to make decisions for themselves. 酒后驾车什么的
Issues relating to household responsibilities and personal behavior should be worked out by adolescents and their parents together. 如整理房间之类
Accept your adolescent as an individual
- Treat your child as your child, not as a stereotypical adolescent
- As a person, not as a member of one or the other gender
- Remind yourself that most of your teenager’s choices are not lifelong commitments
- Let your child be the teenager he wants to be, not the adolescent you were or wish you had been.
Make sure you have genuine and satisfying interests outside of being a parent.
Don’t take it personally. It’s normal for teenagers to question authority, expose adults’ hypocrisy, seek privacy, and crave independence.
Good parenting takes time and energy, but it’s worth the effort. Parents who have always had a good relationship with their child have a head start on good relations with their adolescent.
