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We started collecting trophies with our act when I was six. Our lineup was
set; the group featured me at second from the left, and Jackie on my right.
Tito and his guitar took stage right, with Marlon next to him. Jackie was
getting tall and he towered over Marlon and me. We kept that setup for
contest after contest and it worked well. While other groups we'd meet would
fight among themselves and quit, we were becoming more polished and
experienced. The people in Gary who came regularly to see the talent shows
got to know us, so we would try to top ourselves and surprise them. We
didn't want them to begin to feel bored by our act. We knew change was
always good, that it helped us grow, so we were never afraid of it.
Winning an amateur night or talent show in a ten-minute, two-song set took
as much energy as a ninety-minute concert. I'm convinced that because
there's no room for mistakes, your concentration burns you up inside more on
one or two songs than it does when you have the luxury of twelve or fifteen
in a set. These talent shows were our professional education. Sometimes we'd
drive hundreds of miles to do one song or two and hope the crowd wouldn't be
against us because we weren't local talent. We were competing against people
of all ages and skills, from drill teams to comedians to other singers and
dancers like us. We had to grab that audience and keep it. Nothing was left
to chance, so clothes, shoes, hair, everything had to be the way Dad planned
it. We really looked amazingly professional. After all this planning, if we
performed the songs the way we rehearsed them, the awards would take care of
themselves. This was true even when we were in the Wallace High part of town
where the neighbourhood had its own performers and cheering sections and we
were challenging them right in their own backyards. Naturally, local
performers always had their own very loyal fans, so whenever we went off our
turf and onto someone else's, it was very hard. When the master of
ceremonies held his hand over our heads for the "applause meter," we wanted
to make sure that the crowd knew we had given them more than anyone else.
As players, Jermaine, Tito, and the rest of us were under tremendous
pressure. Our manger was the kind who reminded us that James Brown would
fine his Famous Flames if they missed a cue or bent a note during a
performance. As lead singer, I felt I - more than the others - couldn't
afford an "off night." I can remember being onstage at night after being sick in bed all day. It was hard to concentrate at those times, yet I knew
all the things my brothers and I had to do so well that I could have
performed the routines in my sleep. At times like that, I had to remind
myself not to look in the crowd for someone I knew, or at the emcee, both of
which can distract a young performer. We did songs that people knew from the
radio or songs that my father knew were already classics. If you messed up,
you heard about it because the fans knew those songs and they knew how they
were supposed to sound. If you were going to change an arrangement, it
needed to sound better than the original.
We won the citywide talent show when I was eight with our version of the
Temptations' song "My Girl." The contest was held just a few blocks away at
Roosevelt High. From Jermaine's opening bass notes and Tito's first guitar
licks to all of us singing the chorus, we had people on their feet for the
whole song. Jermaine and I traded verses while Marlon and Jackie spun like
tops. It was a wonderful feeling for all of us to pass that trophy, our
biggest yet, back and forth between us. Eventually it was propped on the
front seat like a baby and we drove home with Dad telling us, "When you do
it like you did tonight they can't not give it to you."
We were now Gary city champions and Chicago was our next target because it
was the area that offered the steadiest work and the best word of mouth for
miles and miles. We began to plan our strategy in earnest. My father's group
played the Chicago sound of Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf, but he was
open-minded enough to see that the more upbeat, slicker sounds that appealed
to us kids had a lot to offer. We were lucky because some people his age
weren't that hip. In fact, we knew musicians who thought the sixties sound
was beneath people their age, but not Dad. He recognised great singing when
he heard it, even telling us that he saw the great doo-wop group from Gary,
the Spaniels, when they were stars not that much older than we. When Smokey
Robinson of the Miracles sang a song like "Tracks of My Tears" or "Ooo, Baby
Baby," he'd be listening as hard as we were. The sixties didn't leave
Chicago behind musically, Great singers like the Impressions with Curtis
Mayfield, Jerry Butler, Major Lance, and Tyrone Davis were playing all over
the city at the same places we were. At this point my father was managing us
full-time, with only a part-time shift at the mill. Mom had some doubts
about the soundness of this decision, not because she didn't think we were
good but because she didn't know anyone else who was spending the majority
of his time trying to break his children into the music business. She was
even less thrilled when Dad told her he had booked us as a regular act at Mr. Lucky's, a Gary nightspot. We were being forced to spend our weekends in
Chicago and other places trying to win an ever-increasing number of amateur
shows, and these trips were expensive, so the job at Mr. Lucky's was a way
to make it all possible. Mom was surprised at the response we were getting
and she was very pleased with the awards and the attention, but she worried
about us a lot. She worried about me because of my age. "This is quite a
life for a nine-year-old," she would say, staring intently at my father.
I don't know what my brothers and I expected, but the nightclub crowds
weren't the same as the Roosevelt High crowds. We were playing between bad
comedians, cocktail organists, and strippers. With my Witness upbringing,
Mom was concerned that I was hanging out with the wrong people and getting
introduced to things I'd be better off learning much later in life. She
didn't have to worry; just one look at some of those strippers wasn't going
to get me that interested in trouble - certainly not at nine years old! That
was an awful way to live, though, and it made us all the more determined to
move on up the circuit and as far away from that life as we could go.
Being at Mr. Lucky's meant that for the first time in our lives we had a
whole show to do - five sets a night, six nights a week - and if Dad could
get us something out of town for the seventh night, he was going to do it.
We were working hard, but the bar crowds weren't bad to us. They liked James
Brown and Sam and Dave just as much as we did and, besides, we were
something extra that came free with the drinking and the carrying on, so
they were surprised and cheerful. We even had some fun with them on one
number, the Joe Tex song "Skinny Legs and All." We'd start the song and
somewhere in the middle I'd go out into the audience, crawl under the
tables, and pull up the ladies' skirts to look under. People would throw
money as I scurried by, and when I began to dance, I'd scoop up all the
dollars and coins that had hit the floor earlier and push them into the
pockets of my jacket.
I wasn't really nervous when we began playing in because of all the
experience I'd had with talent show audiences. I was always ready to go out
and perform, you know, just do it - sing and dance and have some fun.
We worked in more than one club that had strippers in those days. I used to
stand in the wings of this one place in Chicago and watch a lady whose name
was Mary Rose. I must have been nine or ten. This girl would take off her
clothes and her panties and throw them to the audience. The men would pickthem up and sniff them and yell. My brothers and I would be watching all
this, taking it in, and my father wouldn't mind. We were exposed to a lot
doing that kind of circuit. In one place they had cut a little hole in the
musician's dressing room wall that also happened to act as a wall in the
ladies' bathroom. You could peek through this hole, and I saw stuff I've
never forgotten. Guys on that circuit were so wild, they did stuff like
drilling little holes into the walls of the ladies' loo all the time. Of
course, I'm sure that my brothers and I were fighting over who got to look
through the hole. "Get outta the way, it's my turn!" Pushing each other away
to make room for ourselves.
Later, when we did the Apollo Theater in New York, I saw something that
really blew me away because I didn't know things like that existed. I had
seen quite a few strippers, but that night this one girl with gorgeous
eyelashes and long hair came out and did her routine. She put on a great
performance. All of a sudden, at the end, she took off her wig, pulled a
pair of big oranges out of her bra, and revealed that she was a hard-faced
guy under all that makeup. That blew me away. I was only a child and
couldn't even conceive of anything like that. But I looked out at the
theatre audience and they were going for it. applauding wildly and cheering.
I'm just a little kid, standing in the wings, watching this crazy stuff.
I was blown away.
As I said, I received quite an education as a child. More than most. Perhaps
this freed me to concentrate on other aspects of my life as an adult.
One day, not long after we'd been doing successfully in Chicago clubs, Dad
brought home a tape of some songs we'd never heard before. We were
accustomed to doing popular stuff off the radio, so we were curious why he
began playing these songs over and over again, just one guy singing none too
well with some guitar chords in the background. Dad told us that the man on
the tape wasn't really a performer but a songwriter who owned a recording
studio in Gary. His name was Mr. Keith and he had given us a week to
practice his songs to see if we could make a record out of them. Naturally,
we were excited. We wanted to make a record, any record.
We worked strictly on the sound, ignoring the dancing routines we'd normally
work up for a new song. It wasn't as much fun to do a song that none of us
knew, but we were already professional enough to hide our disappointment and
give it all we could. When we were ready and felt we had done our best with the material, Dad got us on tape after a few false starts and more than a
few pep talks, of course. After a day or two of trying to figure out whether
Mr. Keith liked the tape we had made for him, Dad suddenly appeared with
more of his songs for us to learn for our first recording session.
Mr. Keith, like Dad, was a mill worker who loved music, only he was more
into the recording and business end. His studio and label were called
Steeltown. Looking back on all this, I realize Mr. Keith was just as excited
as we were. His studio was downtown, and we went early one Saturday morning
before "The Road Runner Show," my favourite show at the time. Mr. Keith met
us at the door and opened the studio. He showed us a small glass booth with
all kinds of equipment in it and explained what various tasks each
performed. It didn't look like we'd have to lean over any more tape
recorders, at least not in this studio. I put on some big metal headphones,
which came halfway down my neck, and tried to make myself look ready for
anything.
As my brothers were figuring out where to plug in their instruments and
stand, some backup singers and a horn section arrived. At first I assumed
they were there to make a record after us. We were delighted and amazed when
we found out they were there to record with us. We looked over at Dad, but
he didn't change expression. He'd obviously known about it and approved.
Even then people knew not to throw Dad surprises. We were told to listen to
Mr. Keith, who would instruct us while we were in the booth. If we did as he
said, the record would take care of itself.
After a few hours, we finished Mr. Keith's first song. Some of the backup
singers and horn players hadn't made records either and found it difficult,
but they also didn't have a perfectionist for a manager, so they weren't
used to doing things over and over the way we were. It was at times like
these that we realized how hard Dad worked to make us consummate
professionals. We came back the next few Saturdays, putting the songs we'd
rehearsed during the week into the can and taking home a new tape of Mr.
Keith's each time. One Saturday, Dad even brought his guitar in to perform
with us. It was the one and only time he ever recorded with us. After the
records were pressed, Mr. Keith gave us some copies so that we could sell
them between sets and after shows. We knew that wasn't how the big groups
did it, but everyone had to start someplace, and in those days, having a
record with your group's name on it was quite something. We felt very
fortunate.
That first Steeltown single, "Big Boy," had a mean bass line. It was a nice
song about a kid who wanted to fall in love with some girl. Of course, in
order to get the full picture, you have to imagine a skinny nine-year-old
singing this song. The words said I didn't want to hear fairy tales any
more, but in truth I was far too young to grasp the real meanings of most of
the words in these songs. I just sang what they gave me.
When that record with its killer bass line began to get radio play in Gary,
we became a big deal in out neighborhood. No one could believe we had our
own record. We had a hard time believing it.
After that first Steeltown record, we began to aim for all the big talent
shows in Chicago. Usually the other acts would look me over carefully when
they met me, because I was so little, particularly the ones who went on
after us. One day Jackie was cracking up, like someone had told him the
funniest joke in the world. This wasn't a good sign right before a show, and
I could tell Dad was worried he was going to screw up onstage. Dad went over
to say a word to him, but Jackie whispered something in his ear and soon Dad
was holding his sides, laughing. I wanted to know the joke too. Dad said
proudly that Jackie had overheard the headlining act talking among
themselves. One guy said, "We'd better not let those Jackson 5 cut us
tonight with that midget they've got."
I was upset at first because my feelings were hurt. I thought they were
being mean. I couldn't help it that I was the shortest, but soon all the
other brothers were cracking up too. Dad explained that they weren't
laughing at me. He told me that I should be proud, the group was talking
trash because they thought I was a grown-up posing as a child like one of
the Munchkins in The Wizard Of Oz. Dad said that if I had those slick guys
talking like the neighborhood kids who gave us grief back in Gary, then we
had Chicago on the run.
We still had some running of our own to do. After we played some pretty good
clubs in Chicago, Dad signed us up for the Royal Theatre amateur night
competition in town. He had gone to see B. B. King at the Regal the night he
made his famous live album. When Dad gave Tito that sharp red guitar years
earlier, we had teased him by thinking of girls he could name his guitar
after, like B. B. King's Lucille. We won that show for three straight weeks,
with a new song every week to keep the regular members of the audience guessing. Some of the other performers complained that it was greedy for us
to keep coming back, but they were after the same thing we were. There was a
policy that if you won the amateur night three straight times, you'd be
invited back to do a paid show for thousands of people, not dozens like the
audiences we were playing to in bars. We got that opportunity and the show
was headlined by Gladys Knight and the Pips, who were breaking in a new song
no one knew called "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." It was a heady night.
After Chicago, we had one more big amateur show we really felt we needed to
win: the Apollo Theatre in New York City. A lot of Chicago people thought a
win at the Apollo was just a good luck charm and nothing more, but Dad saw
it as much more than that. He knew New York had a high caliber of talent
just like Chicago and he knew there were more record people and professional
musicians in New York than Chicago. If we could make it in New York, we
could make it anywhere. That's what a win at the Apollo meant to us.
Chicago had sent a kind of scouting report on us to New York and our
reputation was such that the Apollo entered us in the "Superdog" finals,
even though we hadn't been to any of the preliminary competitions. By this
time, Gladys Knight had already talked to us about coming to Motown, as had
Bobby Taylor, a member of the Vancouvers, with whom my father had become
friendly. Dad had told them we'd be happy to audition for Motown, but that
was in out future. We got to the Apollo at 125th Street early enough to get
a guided tour. We walked through the theatre and stared at all of the
pictures of the stars who'd played there, white as well as black. The
manager concluded by showing us to the dressing room, but by then I had
found pictures of all my favourites.
While my brothers and I were paying dues on the so-called "chitlin'
circuit," opening for other acts, I carefully watched all the stars because
I wanted to learn as much as I could. I'd stare at their feet, the way they
held their arms, the way they gripped a microphone, trying to decipher what
they were doing and why they were doing it. After studying James Brown from
the wings, I knew every step, every grunt, every spin and turn. I have to
say he would give a performance that would exhaust you, just wear you out
emotionally. His whole physical presence, the fire coming out of his pores,
would be phenomenal. You'd feel every bead of sweat on his face and you'd
know what he was going through. I've never seen anybody perform like him.
Unbelievable, really. When I watched somebody I liked, I'd be there. James
Brown, Jackie Wilson, Sam and Dave, the O'Jays - they all used to really work an audience. I might have learned more from watching Jackie Wilson than
from anyone or anything else. All of this was a very important part of my
education.
We would stand offstage, behind the curtains, and watch everyone come off
after performing and they'd be all sweaty. I'd just stand aside in awe and
watch them walk by. And they would all wear these beautiful patent-leather
shoes. My whole dream seemed to center on having a pair of patent-leather
shoes. I remember being so heartbroken because they didn't make them in
little boys' sizes. I'd go from store to store looking for patent-leather
shoes and they'd say, "We don't make them that small." I was so sad because
I wanted to have shoes that looked the way those stage shoes looked,
polished and shining, turning red and orange when the lights hit them. Oh,
how I wanted some patent-leather shoes like the ones Jackie Wilson wore.
eating and talking and I'd be down in the wings, crouching real low, holding
on to the dusty, smelly curtain and watching the show. I mean, I really did
watch every step, every move, every twist, every turn, every grind, every
emotion, every light move. That was my education and my recreation. I was
always there when I had free time. My father, my brothers, other musicians,
they all knew where to find me. They would tease me about it, but I was so
absorbed in what I was seeing, or in remembering what I had just seen, that
I didn't care. I remember all those theatres: the Regal, the Uptown, the
Apollo - too many to name. The talent that came out of those places is of
mythical proportions. The greatest education in the world is watching the
masters at work. You couldn't teach a person what I've learned just standing
and watching. Some musicians - Springsteen and U2, for example - may feel
they got their education from the streets. I'm a performed at heart. I got
mine from the stage.
Jackie Wilson was on the wall at the Apollo. The photographer captured him
with one leg up, twisted, but not out of position from catching the mike
stand he'd just whipped back and forth. He could have been singing a sad
lyric like "Lonely Teardrops," and yet he had that audience so bug-eyed with
his dancing that no one could feel sad or lonely.
Sam and Dave's picture was down the corridor, next to an old big-band shot.
Dad had become friendly with Sam Moore. I remember being happily amazed that
he was nice to me when I met him for the first time. I had been singing his them was "The King of Them All, Mr. Dynamite, Mr. Please Please Himself,"
James Brown. Before he came along, a singer was a singer and a dancer was a
dancer. A singer might have danced and a dancer might have sung, but unless
you were Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, you probably did one better than the
other, especially in a live performance. But he changed all that. No
spotlight could keep up with him when he skidded across the stage - you had
to flood it! I wanted to be that good.
We won the Apollo amateur night competition, and I felt like going back to
those photos on the walls and thanking my "teachers." Dad was so happy he
said he could have flown back to Gary that night. He was on top of the world
and so were we. My brothers and I had gotten straight A's and we were hoping
we might get to skip a "grade." I certainly sensed that we wouldn't be doing
talent shows and strip joints much longer.
In the summer of 1968 we were introduced to the music of a family group that
was going to change our sound and our lives. They didn't all have the same
last name, they were black and white, men and women, and they were called
Sly and the Family Stone. They had some amazing hits over the years, such as
"Dance to the Music," "Stand," "Hot Fun in the Summertime." My brothers
would point at me when they heard the line about the midget standing tall
and by now I'd laugh along. We heard these songs all over the dial, even on
the rock stations. They were a tremendous influence on all of us Jacksons
and we owe them a lot.
After the Apollo, we kept playing with one eye on the map and one ear to the
phone. Mom and Dad had a rule about no more than five minutes a call, but
when we came back from the Apollo, even five minutes was too long. We had to
keep the lines clear in case anyone from a record company wanted to get in
touch with us. We lived in fear of having them get a busy signal. We wanted
to hear from one record company in particular, and if they called, we wanted
to answer.
While we waited, we found out that someone who had seen us at the Apollo had
recommended us to "The David Frost Show" in New York City. We were going to
be on TV! That was the biggest thrill we'd ever had. I told everyone at
school, and told the ones who didn't believe me twice. We were going to
drive out there in a few days. I was counting the hours. I had imagined the
whole trip, trying to figure out what the studio would be like and how it would be to look into a television camera.
I came home with the travelling work my teacher had made up in advance. We
had one more dress rehearsal and then we'd make a final song selection. I
wondered which songs we'd be doing.
That afternoon, Dad said the trip to New York was cancelled. We all stopped
in our tracks and just stared at him.
We were shocked. I was ready to cry. We had been about to get our big break.
How could they do this to us? What was going on? Why had Mr. Frost changed
his mind? I was reeling and I think everyone else was, too. "I cancelled
it," my father announced calmly. Again we all stared at him, unable to
speak. "Motown called." A chill ran down my spine.
I remember the days leading up to that trip with near-perfect clarity. I can
see myself waiting outside Randy's first-grade classroom. It was Marlon's
turn to walk him home, but we switched for today.
Randy's teacher wished me luck in Detroit, because Randy had told her we
were going to Motown to audition. He was so excited that I had to remind
myself that he didn't really know what Detroit was. All the family had been
talking about was Motown, and Randy didn't even know what a city was. The
teacher told me he was looking for Motown on the globe in the classroom. She
said that in her opinion we should do "You Don't Know Like I Know" the way
she saw us do it at the Regal in Chicago when a bunch of teachers drove over
to see us. I helped Randy put his coat on and politely agreed to keep it in
mind - knowing that we couldn't do a Sam and Dave song at a Motown audition
because they were on Stax, a rival label. Dad told us the companies were
serious about that kind of stuff, so he wanted us to know there'd be no
messing around when we got there. He looked at me and said he'd like to see
his ten-year-old singer make it to eleven.
We left the Garrett Elementary School building for the short walk home, but
we had to hurry. I remember getting anxious as a car swept by, then another.
Randy took my hand, and we waved to the crossing guard. I knew La Toya would
have to go out if her way tomorrow to take Randy to school because Marlon
and I would be staying over in Detroit with the others.
The last time we played at the Fox Theatre in Detroit, we left right after the show and got back to Gary at five o'clock in the morning. I slept in the
car most of the way, so going to school that morning wasn't as bad as it
might have been. But by the afternoon three o'clock rehearsal I was dragging
around like someone with lead weights for feet.
We could have left that night right after our set, since we were third on
the bill, but that would have meant missing the headliner, Jackie Wilson.
I'd seen him on other stages, but at the Fox he and his band were on a
rising stage that moved up as he start his show. Tired as I was after school
the next day, I remember trying some of those moves in rehearsal after
practising in front of a long mirror in the bathroom at school while the
other kids looked on. My father was pleased and we incorporated those steps
into one of my routines.
Just before Randy and I turned the corner onto Jackson Street, there was a
big puddle. I looked for cars but there weren't any, so I let go of Randy's
hand and jumped the puddle, catching on my toes so I could spin without
getting the cuffs of my corduroys wet. I looked back at Randy, knowing that
he wanted to do the things I did. He stepped back to get a running start,
but I realised that it was a pretty big puddle, too big for him to cross
without getting wet, so, being a big brother first and a dance teacher
second, I caught him before he landed short and got wet.
Across the street the neighbourhood kids were buying candy, and even some of
the kids who were giving me a hard time at school asked when we were going
to Motown. I told them and bought candy for them and Randy, too, with my
allowance. I didn't want Randy to feel bad about my going away.
As we approached the house I heard Marlon yell, "Someone shut that door!"
The side of out VW minibus was wide open, and I shuddered, thinking about
how cold it was going to be on the long ride up to Detroit. Marlon had beat
us home and was already helping Jackie load the bus with our stuff. Jackie
and Tito got home in plenty of time for once: They were supposed to have
basketball practice, but the winter in Indiana had been nothing but slush
and we were anxious to get a good start. Jackie was on the high school
basketball team that year, and Dad liked to say that the next time we went
to play in Indianapolis would be when Roosevelt went to the state
championships. The Jackson 5 would play between the evening and morning
games, and Jackie would sink the winning shot for the title. Dad liked to
tease us, but you never knew what might happen with the Jacksons. He wanted us to be good at many things, not just music. I think maybe he got that
drive from his father, who taught school. I know my teachers were never as
hard on us as he was, and they were getting paid to be tough and demanding.
Mom came to the door and gave us the thermos and the sandwiches she had
packed. I remember her telling me not to rip the dress shirt she had packed
for me after sewing it up the night before. Randy and I helped put some
things in the bus and then went back into the kitchen, where Rebbie was
keeping one eye on Dad's supper and the other on little Janet, who was in
the high chair.
Rebbie's life was never easy as the oldest. We knew that as soon as the
Motown audition was over, we'd find out if we had to move or not. If we did,
she was going to move South with her fiance. She always ran things when Mom
was at night school finishing the high school diploma she was denied because
of her illness. I couldn't believe it when Mom told us she was going to get
her diploma. I remember worrying that she'd have to go to school with kids
Jackie's or Tito's age and that they'd laugh at her. I remember how she
laughed when I told her this and how she patiently explained that she'd be
with other grown-ups. It was interesting having a mother who did homework
like the rest of us.
Loading up the bus was easier than usual. Normally Ronnie and Johnny would
have come to back us up, but Motown's own musicians would be playing being
us, so we were going alone. Jermaine was in our room finishing some of his
assignments when I walked in. I knew he wanted to get them out of the way.
He told me that we ought to take off for Motown by ourselves and leave Dad,
since Jackie had taken driver's ed and was in possession of a set of keys.
We both laughed, but deep down I couldn't imagine going without Dad. Even on
the occasions when Mom led out after-school rehearsals because Dad hadn't
come home from his shift on time, it was still like having him there because
she acted as his eyes and ears. She always knew what had been good the night
before and what had gotten sloppy today. Dad would pick it up from there at
night. It seemed to me that they almost gave each other signals or something
- Dad could always tell if we had been playing like we were supposed to by
some invisible indication from Mom.
There was no long good-bye at the door when we left for Motown. Mom was used
to our being away for days, and during school vacations. LaToya pouted a
little because she wanted to go. She had only seen us in Chicago, and we had never been able to stay long enough in places like Boston of Phoenix to
bring her back anything. I think our lives must have seemed pretty glamorous
to her because she had to stay home and go to school. Rebbie had her hands
full trying to put Janet to sleep, but she called good-bye and waved. I gave
Randy a last pat on the head and we were off.
Dad and Jackie went over the map as we drove away, mostly out of habit,
because we had been to Detroit before, of course. We passed Mr. Keith's
recording studio downtown by City Hall as we made our way through town. We
had done some demos at Mr. Keith's that Dad sent to Motown after the
Steeltown record. The sun was going down when we hit the highway. Marlon
announced that if we heard one of our records on WVON, it was going to bring
us luck. We all nodded. Dad asked us if we remembered what WVON stood for as
he nudged Jackie to keep quiet. I kept looking out the window, thinking
about the possibilities that lay ahead, but Jermaine jumped in. "Voice of
the Negro," he said. Soon we were calling roll all over the dial. "WGN -
World's Greatest Newspaper." The Chicago Tribune owned it.) "WLS - World's
Largest Store." (Sears) "WCFL . . ." We stopped, stumped. "Chicago
Federation of Labor," Dad said, motioning for the thermos. We turned onto
I-94, and the Gary station faded into a Kalamazoo station. We began flipping
around, looking for Beatle music on CKLW from Windsor, Ontario, Canada.
I had always been a Monopoly fan at home, and there was something about
driving to Motown that was a little like that game. In Monopoly you go
around the board buying things and making decisions; the "chitlin' circuit"
of theatres where we played and won contests was kind of like a Monopoly
board full of possibilities and pitfalls. After all the stops along the way,
we finally landed at the Apollo Theatre in Harlem, which was definitely Park
Place for young performers like us. Now we were on our way up Boardwalk,
heading for Motown. Would we win the game or slide past Go with a long board
separating us from our goal for another round?
There was something changing in me, and I could feel it, even shivering in
the minibus. For years we'd make the drive over to Chicago wondering if we
were good enough to ever get out of Gary, and we were. Then we took the
drive to New York, certain that we'd fall off the edge of the earth if we
weren't good enough to make it there. Even those nights in Philadelphia and
Washington didn't reassure me enough to keep me from wondering if there
wasn't someone or some group we didn't know about in New York who could beat
us. When we tore it down at the Apollo, we finally felt that nothing could stand in our way. We were going to Motown, and nothing there was going to
surprise us either. We were going to surprise them, just like we always did.
Dad pulled the typewritten directions out of the glove compartment and we
pulled off the highway, passing the Woodward Avenue exit. There weren't many
people on the streets because it was a school night for everybody else.
Dad was a little nervous about whether our accommodations would be okay,
which surprised me until I realised the Motown people had picked the hotel.
We weren't used to having things done for us. We liked to be our own bosses.
Dad had always been our booking agent, travel agent, and manager. When he
wasn't taking care of the arrangements, Mom was. So it was no wonder that
even Motown managed to make Dad feel suspicious that he should have made the
reservations, that he should have handled everything.
We stayed at the Gotham Hotel. The reservations had been made and everything
was in order. There was a TV in our room, but all the stations had signed
off, and with the audition at ten o'clock, we weren't going to get to stay
up any later anyway. Dad put us right to bed, locked the door, and went out.
Jermaine and I were too tired to even talk.
We were all up on time the next morning; Dad saw to that. But, in truth, we
were just as excited as he was and hopped out of bed when we called us. The
audition was unusual for us because we hadn't played in many places where
they expected us to be professional. We knew it was going to be difficult to
judge whether we were doing well. We were used to audience response whether
we were competing or just performing at a club, but Dad had told us the
longer we stayed, the more they wanted to hear.
We climbed into the VW, after cereal and milk at the coffee shop. I noticed
they offered grits on the menu, so I knew there were a lot of Southern
people who stayed there. We had never been to the South then and wanted to
visit Mom's part of the country someday. We wanted to have a sense of our
roots and those of other black people, especially after what had happened to
Dr. King. I remember so well the day he died. Everyone was torn up. We
didn't rehearse that night. I went to Kingdom Hall with Mom and some of the
others. People were crying like they had lost a member of their own family.
Even the men who were usually pretty unemotional were unable to control
their grief. I was too young to grasp the full tragedy of the situation, but
when I look back on that day now, it makes me want to cry - for Dr. King,for his family, and for all of us.
Jermaine was the first to spot the studio, which was known as Hitsville,
U.S.A. It looked kind of run-down, which was not what I'd expected. We
wondered who we might see, who might be there making a record that day. Dad
had coached us to let him do all the talking. Our job was to perform like
we'd never performed before. And that was asking a lot, because we always
put everything into each performance, but we knew what he meant.
There were a lot of people waiting inside, but Dad said the password and a
man in a shirt and tie came out to meet us. He knew each of our names, which
astounded us. He asked us to leave our coats there and follow him. The other
people just stared through us like we were ghosts. I wondered who they were
and what their stories were. Had they travelled far? Had they been here day
after day hoping to get in without an appointment?
When we entered the studio, one of the Motown guys was adjusting a movie
camera. There was an area set up with instruments and microphones. Dad
disappeared into one of the sound booths to talk to someone. I tried to
pretend that I was at the Fox Theatre, on the rising stage, and this was
just business as usual. I decided, looking around, that if I ever built my
own studio, I'd get a mike like the one they had at the Apollo, which rose
out of the floor. I nearly fell on my face once running down those basement
steps while trying to find out where it went when it slowly disappeared
beneath the stage floor.
The last song we sang was "Who's Lovin' You." When it ended, no one
applauded or said a word. I couldn't stand not knowing, so I blurted, "How
was that?" Jermaine shushed me. The older guys who were backing us up were
laughing about something. I looked at them out of the corner of my eye.
"Jackson Jive, huh?" one of them called out with a big grin on his face. I
was confused, I think my brothers were too.
The man who had led us back said, "Thanks for coming up." We looked at Dad's
face for some indication, but he didn't seem pleased or disappointed. It was
still daylight out when we left. We took I-94 back to Gary, subdued, knowing
there was homework to do for class tomorrow, wondering if that was all there
was to that.
set; the group featured me at second from the left, and Jackie on my right.
Tito and his guitar took stage right, with Marlon next to him. Jackie was
getting tall and he towered over Marlon and me. We kept that setup for
contest after contest and it worked well. While other groups we'd meet would
fight among themselves and quit, we were becoming more polished and
experienced. The people in Gary who came regularly to see the talent shows
got to know us, so we would try to top ourselves and surprise them. We
didn't want them to begin to feel bored by our act. We knew change was
always good, that it helped us grow, so we were never afraid of it.
Winning an amateur night or talent show in a ten-minute, two-song set took
as much energy as a ninety-minute concert. I'm convinced that because
there's no room for mistakes, your concentration burns you up inside more on
one or two songs than it does when you have the luxury of twelve or fifteen
in a set. These talent shows were our professional education. Sometimes we'd
drive hundreds of miles to do one song or two and hope the crowd wouldn't be
against us because we weren't local talent. We were competing against people
of all ages and skills, from drill teams to comedians to other singers and
dancers like us. We had to grab that audience and keep it. Nothing was left
to chance, so clothes, shoes, hair, everything had to be the way Dad planned
it. We really looked amazingly professional. After all this planning, if we
performed the songs the way we rehearsed them, the awards would take care of
themselves. This was true even when we were in the Wallace High part of town
where the neighbourhood had its own performers and cheering sections and we
were challenging them right in their own backyards. Naturally, local
performers always had their own very loyal fans, so whenever we went off our
turf and onto someone else's, it was very hard. When the master of
ceremonies held his hand over our heads for the "applause meter," we wanted
to make sure that the crowd knew we had given them more than anyone else.
As players, Jermaine, Tito, and the rest of us were under tremendous
pressure. Our manger was the kind who reminded us that James Brown would
fine his Famous Flames if they missed a cue or bent a note during a
performance. As lead singer, I felt I - more than the others - couldn't
afford an "off night." I can remember being onstage at night after being sick in bed all day. It was hard to concentrate at those times, yet I knew
all the things my brothers and I had to do so well that I could have
performed the routines in my sleep. At times like that, I had to remind
myself not to look in the crowd for someone I knew, or at the emcee, both of
which can distract a young performer. We did songs that people knew from the
radio or songs that my father knew were already classics. If you messed up,
you heard about it because the fans knew those songs and they knew how they
were supposed to sound. If you were going to change an arrangement, it
needed to sound better than the original.
We won the citywide talent show when I was eight with our version of the
Temptations' song "My Girl." The contest was held just a few blocks away at
Roosevelt High. From Jermaine's opening bass notes and Tito's first guitar
licks to all of us singing the chorus, we had people on their feet for the
whole song. Jermaine and I traded verses while Marlon and Jackie spun like
tops. It was a wonderful feeling for all of us to pass that trophy, our
biggest yet, back and forth between us. Eventually it was propped on the
front seat like a baby and we drove home with Dad telling us, "When you do
it like you did tonight they can't not give it to you."
We were now Gary city champions and Chicago was our next target because it
was the area that offered the steadiest work and the best word of mouth for
miles and miles. We began to plan our strategy in earnest. My father's group
played the Chicago sound of Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf, but he was
open-minded enough to see that the more upbeat, slicker sounds that appealed
to us kids had a lot to offer. We were lucky because some people his age
weren't that hip. In fact, we knew musicians who thought the sixties sound
was beneath people their age, but not Dad. He recognised great singing when
he heard it, even telling us that he saw the great doo-wop group from Gary,
the Spaniels, when they were stars not that much older than we. When Smokey
Robinson of the Miracles sang a song like "Tracks of My Tears" or "Ooo, Baby
Baby," he'd be listening as hard as we were. The sixties didn't leave
Chicago behind musically, Great singers like the Impressions with Curtis
Mayfield, Jerry Butler, Major Lance, and Tyrone Davis were playing all over
the city at the same places we were. At this point my father was managing us
full-time, with only a part-time shift at the mill. Mom had some doubts
about the soundness of this decision, not because she didn't think we were
good but because she didn't know anyone else who was spending the majority
of his time trying to break his children into the music business. She was
even less thrilled when Dad told her he had booked us as a regular act at Mr. Lucky's, a Gary nightspot. We were being forced to spend our weekends in
Chicago and other places trying to win an ever-increasing number of amateur
shows, and these trips were expensive, so the job at Mr. Lucky's was a way
to make it all possible. Mom was surprised at the response we were getting
and she was very pleased with the awards and the attention, but she worried
about us a lot. She worried about me because of my age. "This is quite a
life for a nine-year-old," she would say, staring intently at my father.
I don't know what my brothers and I expected, but the nightclub crowds
weren't the same as the Roosevelt High crowds. We were playing between bad
comedians, cocktail organists, and strippers. With my Witness upbringing,
Mom was concerned that I was hanging out with the wrong people and getting
introduced to things I'd be better off learning much later in life. She
didn't have to worry; just one look at some of those strippers wasn't going
to get me that interested in trouble - certainly not at nine years old! That
was an awful way to live, though, and it made us all the more determined to
move on up the circuit and as far away from that life as we could go.
Being at Mr. Lucky's meant that for the first time in our lives we had a
whole show to do - five sets a night, six nights a week - and if Dad could
get us something out of town for the seventh night, he was going to do it.
We were working hard, but the bar crowds weren't bad to us. They liked James
Brown and Sam and Dave just as much as we did and, besides, we were
something extra that came free with the drinking and the carrying on, so
they were surprised and cheerful. We even had some fun with them on one
number, the Joe Tex song "Skinny Legs and All." We'd start the song and
somewhere in the middle I'd go out into the audience, crawl under the
tables, and pull up the ladies' skirts to look under. People would throw
money as I scurried by, and when I began to dance, I'd scoop up all the
dollars and coins that had hit the floor earlier and push them into the
pockets of my jacket.
I wasn't really nervous when we began playing in because of all the
experience I'd had with talent show audiences. I was always ready to go out
and perform, you know, just do it - sing and dance and have some fun.
We worked in more than one club that had strippers in those days. I used to
stand in the wings of this one place in Chicago and watch a lady whose name
was Mary Rose. I must have been nine or ten. This girl would take off her
clothes and her panties and throw them to the audience. The men would pickthem up and sniff them and yell. My brothers and I would be watching all
this, taking it in, and my father wouldn't mind. We were exposed to a lot
doing that kind of circuit. In one place they had cut a little hole in the
musician's dressing room wall that also happened to act as a wall in the
ladies' bathroom. You could peek through this hole, and I saw stuff I've
never forgotten. Guys on that circuit were so wild, they did stuff like
drilling little holes into the walls of the ladies' loo all the time. Of
course, I'm sure that my brothers and I were fighting over who got to look
through the hole. "Get outta the way, it's my turn!" Pushing each other away
to make room for ourselves.
Later, when we did the Apollo Theater in New York, I saw something that
really blew me away because I didn't know things like that existed. I had
seen quite a few strippers, but that night this one girl with gorgeous
eyelashes and long hair came out and did her routine. She put on a great
performance. All of a sudden, at the end, she took off her wig, pulled a
pair of big oranges out of her bra, and revealed that she was a hard-faced
guy under all that makeup. That blew me away. I was only a child and
couldn't even conceive of anything like that. But I looked out at the
theatre audience and they were going for it. applauding wildly and cheering.
I'm just a little kid, standing in the wings, watching this crazy stuff.
I was blown away.
As I said, I received quite an education as a child. More than most. Perhaps
this freed me to concentrate on other aspects of my life as an adult.
One day, not long after we'd been doing successfully in Chicago clubs, Dad
brought home a tape of some songs we'd never heard before. We were
accustomed to doing popular stuff off the radio, so we were curious why he
began playing these songs over and over again, just one guy singing none too
well with some guitar chords in the background. Dad told us that the man on
the tape wasn't really a performer but a songwriter who owned a recording
studio in Gary. His name was Mr. Keith and he had given us a week to
practice his songs to see if we could make a record out of them. Naturally,
we were excited. We wanted to make a record, any record.
We worked strictly on the sound, ignoring the dancing routines we'd normally
work up for a new song. It wasn't as much fun to do a song that none of us
knew, but we were already professional enough to hide our disappointment and
give it all we could. When we were ready and felt we had done our best with the material, Dad got us on tape after a few false starts and more than a
few pep talks, of course. After a day or two of trying to figure out whether
Mr. Keith liked the tape we had made for him, Dad suddenly appeared with
more of his songs for us to learn for our first recording session.
Mr. Keith, like Dad, was a mill worker who loved music, only he was more
into the recording and business end. His studio and label were called
Steeltown. Looking back on all this, I realize Mr. Keith was just as excited
as we were. His studio was downtown, and we went early one Saturday morning
before "The Road Runner Show," my favourite show at the time. Mr. Keith met
us at the door and opened the studio. He showed us a small glass booth with
all kinds of equipment in it and explained what various tasks each
performed. It didn't look like we'd have to lean over any more tape
recorders, at least not in this studio. I put on some big metal headphones,
which came halfway down my neck, and tried to make myself look ready for
anything.
As my brothers were figuring out where to plug in their instruments and
stand, some backup singers and a horn section arrived. At first I assumed
they were there to make a record after us. We were delighted and amazed when
we found out they were there to record with us. We looked over at Dad, but
he didn't change expression. He'd obviously known about it and approved.
Even then people knew not to throw Dad surprises. We were told to listen to
Mr. Keith, who would instruct us while we were in the booth. If we did as he
said, the record would take care of itself.
After a few hours, we finished Mr. Keith's first song. Some of the backup
singers and horn players hadn't made records either and found it difficult,
but they also didn't have a perfectionist for a manager, so they weren't
used to doing things over and over the way we were. It was at times like
these that we realized how hard Dad worked to make us consummate
professionals. We came back the next few Saturdays, putting the songs we'd
rehearsed during the week into the can and taking home a new tape of Mr.
Keith's each time. One Saturday, Dad even brought his guitar in to perform
with us. It was the one and only time he ever recorded with us. After the
records were pressed, Mr. Keith gave us some copies so that we could sell
them between sets and after shows. We knew that wasn't how the big groups
did it, but everyone had to start someplace, and in those days, having a
record with your group's name on it was quite something. We felt very
fortunate.
That first Steeltown single, "Big Boy," had a mean bass line. It was a nice
song about a kid who wanted to fall in love with some girl. Of course, in
order to get the full picture, you have to imagine a skinny nine-year-old
singing this song. The words said I didn't want to hear fairy tales any
more, but in truth I was far too young to grasp the real meanings of most of
the words in these songs. I just sang what they gave me.
When that record with its killer bass line began to get radio play in Gary,
we became a big deal in out neighborhood. No one could believe we had our
own record. We had a hard time believing it.
After that first Steeltown record, we began to aim for all the big talent
shows in Chicago. Usually the other acts would look me over carefully when
they met me, because I was so little, particularly the ones who went on
after us. One day Jackie was cracking up, like someone had told him the
funniest joke in the world. This wasn't a good sign right before a show, and
I could tell Dad was worried he was going to screw up onstage. Dad went over
to say a word to him, but Jackie whispered something in his ear and soon Dad
was holding his sides, laughing. I wanted to know the joke too. Dad said
proudly that Jackie had overheard the headlining act talking among
themselves. One guy said, "We'd better not let those Jackson 5 cut us
tonight with that midget they've got."
I was upset at first because my feelings were hurt. I thought they were
being mean. I couldn't help it that I was the shortest, but soon all the
other brothers were cracking up too. Dad explained that they weren't
laughing at me. He told me that I should be proud, the group was talking
trash because they thought I was a grown-up posing as a child like one of
the Munchkins in The Wizard Of Oz. Dad said that if I had those slick guys
talking like the neighborhood kids who gave us grief back in Gary, then we
had Chicago on the run.
We still had some running of our own to do. After we played some pretty good
clubs in Chicago, Dad signed us up for the Royal Theatre amateur night
competition in town. He had gone to see B. B. King at the Regal the night he
made his famous live album. When Dad gave Tito that sharp red guitar years
earlier, we had teased him by thinking of girls he could name his guitar
after, like B. B. King's Lucille. We won that show for three straight weeks,
with a new song every week to keep the regular members of the audience guessing. Some of the other performers complained that it was greedy for us
to keep coming back, but they were after the same thing we were. There was a
policy that if you won the amateur night three straight times, you'd be
invited back to do a paid show for thousands of people, not dozens like the
audiences we were playing to in bars. We got that opportunity and the show
was headlined by Gladys Knight and the Pips, who were breaking in a new song
no one knew called "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." It was a heady night.
After Chicago, we had one more big amateur show we really felt we needed to
win: the Apollo Theatre in New York City. A lot of Chicago people thought a
win at the Apollo was just a good luck charm and nothing more, but Dad saw
it as much more than that. He knew New York had a high caliber of talent
just like Chicago and he knew there were more record people and professional
musicians in New York than Chicago. If we could make it in New York, we
could make it anywhere. That's what a win at the Apollo meant to us.
Chicago had sent a kind of scouting report on us to New York and our
reputation was such that the Apollo entered us in the "Superdog" finals,
even though we hadn't been to any of the preliminary competitions. By this
time, Gladys Knight had already talked to us about coming to Motown, as had
Bobby Taylor, a member of the Vancouvers, with whom my father had become
friendly. Dad had told them we'd be happy to audition for Motown, but that
was in out future. We got to the Apollo at 125th Street early enough to get
a guided tour. We walked through the theatre and stared at all of the
pictures of the stars who'd played there, white as well as black. The
manager concluded by showing us to the dressing room, but by then I had
found pictures of all my favourites.
While my brothers and I were paying dues on the so-called "chitlin'
circuit," opening for other acts, I carefully watched all the stars because
I wanted to learn as much as I could. I'd stare at their feet, the way they
held their arms, the way they gripped a microphone, trying to decipher what
they were doing and why they were doing it. After studying James Brown from
the wings, I knew every step, every grunt, every spin and turn. I have to
say he would give a performance that would exhaust you, just wear you out
emotionally. His whole physical presence, the fire coming out of his pores,
would be phenomenal. You'd feel every bead of sweat on his face and you'd
know what he was going through. I've never seen anybody perform like him.
Unbelievable, really. When I watched somebody I liked, I'd be there. James
Brown, Jackie Wilson, Sam and Dave, the O'Jays - they all used to really work an audience. I might have learned more from watching Jackie Wilson than
from anyone or anything else. All of this was a very important part of my
education.
We would stand offstage, behind the curtains, and watch everyone come off
after performing and they'd be all sweaty. I'd just stand aside in awe and
watch them walk by. And they would all wear these beautiful patent-leather
shoes. My whole dream seemed to center on having a pair of patent-leather
shoes. I remember being so heartbroken because they didn't make them in
little boys' sizes. I'd go from store to store looking for patent-leather
shoes and they'd say, "We don't make them that small." I was so sad because
I wanted to have shoes that looked the way those stage shoes looked,
polished and shining, turning red and orange when the lights hit them. Oh,
how I wanted some patent-leather shoes like the ones Jackie Wilson wore.
eating and talking and I'd be down in the wings, crouching real low, holding
on to the dusty, smelly curtain and watching the show. I mean, I really did
watch every step, every move, every twist, every turn, every grind, every
emotion, every light move. That was my education and my recreation. I was
always there when I had free time. My father, my brothers, other musicians,
they all knew where to find me. They would tease me about it, but I was so
absorbed in what I was seeing, or in remembering what I had just seen, that
I didn't care. I remember all those theatres: the Regal, the Uptown, the
Apollo - too many to name. The talent that came out of those places is of
mythical proportions. The greatest education in the world is watching the
masters at work. You couldn't teach a person what I've learned just standing
and watching. Some musicians - Springsteen and U2, for example - may feel
they got their education from the streets. I'm a performed at heart. I got
mine from the stage.
Jackie Wilson was on the wall at the Apollo. The photographer captured him
with one leg up, twisted, but not out of position from catching the mike
stand he'd just whipped back and forth. He could have been singing a sad
lyric like "Lonely Teardrops," and yet he had that audience so bug-eyed with
his dancing that no one could feel sad or lonely.
Sam and Dave's picture was down the corridor, next to an old big-band shot.
Dad had become friendly with Sam Moore. I remember being happily amazed that
he was nice to me when I met him for the first time. I had been singing his them was "The King of Them All, Mr. Dynamite, Mr. Please Please Himself,"
James Brown. Before he came along, a singer was a singer and a dancer was a
dancer. A singer might have danced and a dancer might have sung, but unless
you were Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, you probably did one better than the
other, especially in a live performance. But he changed all that. No
spotlight could keep up with him when he skidded across the stage - you had
to flood it! I wanted to be that good.
We won the Apollo amateur night competition, and I felt like going back to
those photos on the walls and thanking my "teachers." Dad was so happy he
said he could have flown back to Gary that night. He was on top of the world
and so were we. My brothers and I had gotten straight A's and we were hoping
we might get to skip a "grade." I certainly sensed that we wouldn't be doing
talent shows and strip joints much longer.
In the summer of 1968 we were introduced to the music of a family group that
was going to change our sound and our lives. They didn't all have the same
last name, they were black and white, men and women, and they were called
Sly and the Family Stone. They had some amazing hits over the years, such as
"Dance to the Music," "Stand," "Hot Fun in the Summertime." My brothers
would point at me when they heard the line about the midget standing tall
and by now I'd laugh along. We heard these songs all over the dial, even on
the rock stations. They were a tremendous influence on all of us Jacksons
and we owe them a lot.
After the Apollo, we kept playing with one eye on the map and one ear to the
phone. Mom and Dad had a rule about no more than five minutes a call, but
when we came back from the Apollo, even five minutes was too long. We had to
keep the lines clear in case anyone from a record company wanted to get in
touch with us. We lived in fear of having them get a busy signal. We wanted
to hear from one record company in particular, and if they called, we wanted
to answer.
While we waited, we found out that someone who had seen us at the Apollo had
recommended us to "The David Frost Show" in New York City. We were going to
be on TV! That was the biggest thrill we'd ever had. I told everyone at
school, and told the ones who didn't believe me twice. We were going to
drive out there in a few days. I was counting the hours. I had imagined the
whole trip, trying to figure out what the studio would be like and how it would be to look into a television camera.
I came home with the travelling work my teacher had made up in advance. We
had one more dress rehearsal and then we'd make a final song selection. I
wondered which songs we'd be doing.
That afternoon, Dad said the trip to New York was cancelled. We all stopped
in our tracks and just stared at him.
We were shocked. I was ready to cry. We had been about to get our big break.
How could they do this to us? What was going on? Why had Mr. Frost changed
his mind? I was reeling and I think everyone else was, too. "I cancelled
it," my father announced calmly. Again we all stared at him, unable to
speak. "Motown called." A chill ran down my spine.
I remember the days leading up to that trip with near-perfect clarity. I can
see myself waiting outside Randy's first-grade classroom. It was Marlon's
turn to walk him home, but we switched for today.
Randy's teacher wished me luck in Detroit, because Randy had told her we
were going to Motown to audition. He was so excited that I had to remind
myself that he didn't really know what Detroit was. All the family had been
talking about was Motown, and Randy didn't even know what a city was. The
teacher told me he was looking for Motown on the globe in the classroom. She
said that in her opinion we should do "You Don't Know Like I Know" the way
she saw us do it at the Regal in Chicago when a bunch of teachers drove over
to see us. I helped Randy put his coat on and politely agreed to keep it in
mind - knowing that we couldn't do a Sam and Dave song at a Motown audition
because they were on Stax, a rival label. Dad told us the companies were
serious about that kind of stuff, so he wanted us to know there'd be no
messing around when we got there. He looked at me and said he'd like to see
his ten-year-old singer make it to eleven.
We left the Garrett Elementary School building for the short walk home, but
we had to hurry. I remember getting anxious as a car swept by, then another.
Randy took my hand, and we waved to the crossing guard. I knew La Toya would
have to go out if her way tomorrow to take Randy to school because Marlon
and I would be staying over in Detroit with the others.
The last time we played at the Fox Theatre in Detroit, we left right after the show and got back to Gary at five o'clock in the morning. I slept in the
car most of the way, so going to school that morning wasn't as bad as it
might have been. But by the afternoon three o'clock rehearsal I was dragging
around like someone with lead weights for feet.
We could have left that night right after our set, since we were third on
the bill, but that would have meant missing the headliner, Jackie Wilson.
I'd seen him on other stages, but at the Fox he and his band were on a
rising stage that moved up as he start his show. Tired as I was after school
the next day, I remember trying some of those moves in rehearsal after
practising in front of a long mirror in the bathroom at school while the
other kids looked on. My father was pleased and we incorporated those steps
into one of my routines.
Just before Randy and I turned the corner onto Jackson Street, there was a
big puddle. I looked for cars but there weren't any, so I let go of Randy's
hand and jumped the puddle, catching on my toes so I could spin without
getting the cuffs of my corduroys wet. I looked back at Randy, knowing that
he wanted to do the things I did. He stepped back to get a running start,
but I realised that it was a pretty big puddle, too big for him to cross
without getting wet, so, being a big brother first and a dance teacher
second, I caught him before he landed short and got wet.
Across the street the neighbourhood kids were buying candy, and even some of
the kids who were giving me a hard time at school asked when we were going
to Motown. I told them and bought candy for them and Randy, too, with my
allowance. I didn't want Randy to feel bad about my going away.
As we approached the house I heard Marlon yell, "Someone shut that door!"
The side of out VW minibus was wide open, and I shuddered, thinking about
how cold it was going to be on the long ride up to Detroit. Marlon had beat
us home and was already helping Jackie load the bus with our stuff. Jackie
and Tito got home in plenty of time for once: They were supposed to have
basketball practice, but the winter in Indiana had been nothing but slush
and we were anxious to get a good start. Jackie was on the high school
basketball team that year, and Dad liked to say that the next time we went
to play in Indianapolis would be when Roosevelt went to the state
championships. The Jackson 5 would play between the evening and morning
games, and Jackie would sink the winning shot for the title. Dad liked to
tease us, but you never knew what might happen with the Jacksons. He wanted us to be good at many things, not just music. I think maybe he got that
drive from his father, who taught school. I know my teachers were never as
hard on us as he was, and they were getting paid to be tough and demanding.
Mom came to the door and gave us the thermos and the sandwiches she had
packed. I remember her telling me not to rip the dress shirt she had packed
for me after sewing it up the night before. Randy and I helped put some
things in the bus and then went back into the kitchen, where Rebbie was
keeping one eye on Dad's supper and the other on little Janet, who was in
the high chair.
Rebbie's life was never easy as the oldest. We knew that as soon as the
Motown audition was over, we'd find out if we had to move or not. If we did,
she was going to move South with her fiance. She always ran things when Mom
was at night school finishing the high school diploma she was denied because
of her illness. I couldn't believe it when Mom told us she was going to get
her diploma. I remember worrying that she'd have to go to school with kids
Jackie's or Tito's age and that they'd laugh at her. I remember how she
laughed when I told her this and how she patiently explained that she'd be
with other grown-ups. It was interesting having a mother who did homework
like the rest of us.
Loading up the bus was easier than usual. Normally Ronnie and Johnny would
have come to back us up, but Motown's own musicians would be playing being
us, so we were going alone. Jermaine was in our room finishing some of his
assignments when I walked in. I knew he wanted to get them out of the way.
He told me that we ought to take off for Motown by ourselves and leave Dad,
since Jackie had taken driver's ed and was in possession of a set of keys.
We both laughed, but deep down I couldn't imagine going without Dad. Even on
the occasions when Mom led out after-school rehearsals because Dad hadn't
come home from his shift on time, it was still like having him there because
she acted as his eyes and ears. She always knew what had been good the night
before and what had gotten sloppy today. Dad would pick it up from there at
night. It seemed to me that they almost gave each other signals or something
- Dad could always tell if we had been playing like we were supposed to by
some invisible indication from Mom.
There was no long good-bye at the door when we left for Motown. Mom was used
to our being away for days, and during school vacations. LaToya pouted a
little because she wanted to go. She had only seen us in Chicago, and we had never been able to stay long enough in places like Boston of Phoenix to
bring her back anything. I think our lives must have seemed pretty glamorous
to her because she had to stay home and go to school. Rebbie had her hands
full trying to put Janet to sleep, but she called good-bye and waved. I gave
Randy a last pat on the head and we were off.
Dad and Jackie went over the map as we drove away, mostly out of habit,
because we had been to Detroit before, of course. We passed Mr. Keith's
recording studio downtown by City Hall as we made our way through town. We
had done some demos at Mr. Keith's that Dad sent to Motown after the
Steeltown record. The sun was going down when we hit the highway. Marlon
announced that if we heard one of our records on WVON, it was going to bring
us luck. We all nodded. Dad asked us if we remembered what WVON stood for as
he nudged Jackie to keep quiet. I kept looking out the window, thinking
about the possibilities that lay ahead, but Jermaine jumped in. "Voice of
the Negro," he said. Soon we were calling roll all over the dial. "WGN -
World's Greatest Newspaper." The Chicago Tribune owned it.) "WLS - World's
Largest Store." (Sears) "WCFL . . ." We stopped, stumped. "Chicago
Federation of Labor," Dad said, motioning for the thermos. We turned onto
I-94, and the Gary station faded into a Kalamazoo station. We began flipping
around, looking for Beatle music on CKLW from Windsor, Ontario, Canada.
I had always been a Monopoly fan at home, and there was something about
driving to Motown that was a little like that game. In Monopoly you go
around the board buying things and making decisions; the "chitlin' circuit"
of theatres where we played and won contests was kind of like a Monopoly
board full of possibilities and pitfalls. After all the stops along the way,
we finally landed at the Apollo Theatre in Harlem, which was definitely Park
Place for young performers like us. Now we were on our way up Boardwalk,
heading for Motown. Would we win the game or slide past Go with a long board
separating us from our goal for another round?
There was something changing in me, and I could feel it, even shivering in
the minibus. For years we'd make the drive over to Chicago wondering if we
were good enough to ever get out of Gary, and we were. Then we took the
drive to New York, certain that we'd fall off the edge of the earth if we
weren't good enough to make it there. Even those nights in Philadelphia and
Washington didn't reassure me enough to keep me from wondering if there
wasn't someone or some group we didn't know about in New York who could beat
us. When we tore it down at the Apollo, we finally felt that nothing could stand in our way. We were going to Motown, and nothing there was going to
surprise us either. We were going to surprise them, just like we always did.
Dad pulled the typewritten directions out of the glove compartment and we
pulled off the highway, passing the Woodward Avenue exit. There weren't many
people on the streets because it was a school night for everybody else.
Dad was a little nervous about whether our accommodations would be okay,
which surprised me until I realised the Motown people had picked the hotel.
We weren't used to having things done for us. We liked to be our own bosses.
Dad had always been our booking agent, travel agent, and manager. When he
wasn't taking care of the arrangements, Mom was. So it was no wonder that
even Motown managed to make Dad feel suspicious that he should have made the
reservations, that he should have handled everything.
We stayed at the Gotham Hotel. The reservations had been made and everything
was in order. There was a TV in our room, but all the stations had signed
off, and with the audition at ten o'clock, we weren't going to get to stay
up any later anyway. Dad put us right to bed, locked the door, and went out.
Jermaine and I were too tired to even talk.
We were all up on time the next morning; Dad saw to that. But, in truth, we
were just as excited as he was and hopped out of bed when we called us. The
audition was unusual for us because we hadn't played in many places where
they expected us to be professional. We knew it was going to be difficult to
judge whether we were doing well. We were used to audience response whether
we were competing or just performing at a club, but Dad had told us the
longer we stayed, the more they wanted to hear.
We climbed into the VW, after cereal and milk at the coffee shop. I noticed
they offered grits on the menu, so I knew there were a lot of Southern
people who stayed there. We had never been to the South then and wanted to
visit Mom's part of the country someday. We wanted to have a sense of our
roots and those of other black people, especially after what had happened to
Dr. King. I remember so well the day he died. Everyone was torn up. We
didn't rehearse that night. I went to Kingdom Hall with Mom and some of the
others. People were crying like they had lost a member of their own family.
Even the men who were usually pretty unemotional were unable to control
their grief. I was too young to grasp the full tragedy of the situation, but
when I look back on that day now, it makes me want to cry - for Dr. King,for his family, and for all of us.
Jermaine was the first to spot the studio, which was known as Hitsville,
U.S.A. It looked kind of run-down, which was not what I'd expected. We
wondered who we might see, who might be there making a record that day. Dad
had coached us to let him do all the talking. Our job was to perform like
we'd never performed before. And that was asking a lot, because we always
put everything into each performance, but we knew what he meant.
There were a lot of people waiting inside, but Dad said the password and a
man in a shirt and tie came out to meet us. He knew each of our names, which
astounded us. He asked us to leave our coats there and follow him. The other
people just stared through us like we were ghosts. I wondered who they were
and what their stories were. Had they travelled far? Had they been here day
after day hoping to get in without an appointment?
When we entered the studio, one of the Motown guys was adjusting a movie
camera. There was an area set up with instruments and microphones. Dad
disappeared into one of the sound booths to talk to someone. I tried to
pretend that I was at the Fox Theatre, on the rising stage, and this was
just business as usual. I decided, looking around, that if I ever built my
own studio, I'd get a mike like the one they had at the Apollo, which rose
out of the floor. I nearly fell on my face once running down those basement
steps while trying to find out where it went when it slowly disappeared
beneath the stage floor.
The last song we sang was "Who's Lovin' You." When it ended, no one
applauded or said a word. I couldn't stand not knowing, so I blurted, "How
was that?" Jermaine shushed me. The older guys who were backing us up were
laughing about something. I looked at them out of the corner of my eye.
"Jackson Jive, huh?" one of them called out with a big grin on his face. I
was confused, I think my brothers were too.
The man who had led us back said, "Thanks for coming up." We looked at Dad's
face for some indication, but he didn't seem pleased or disappointed. It was
still daylight out when we left. We took I-94 back to Gary, subdued, knowing
there was homework to do for class tomorrow, wondering if that was all there
was to that.
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