The light grey spring coat [1]
Wolfgan Hildersheimer [2]
Translated by xia23
Two months ago – we just sat and had our breakfast, a letter from my cousin Eduard came. My cousin Eduard had left our house in a spring evening 12 years ago, um, as he maintained, put a letter in the mailbox, and it had never returned. No one had heard anything from him ever since. The letter came from Sydney in Australia. I opened it and read:
Dear Paul!
Can you send me my light grey spring coat? I really need it, since it is often noticeably cold in the evening. In the left pocket there is a book “The Pocket Book for Mushroom Collectors.” You could take the book out and keep it. There is really no edible mushroom here. Many thanks in advance.
Best regards,
your Eduar
I talked to my wife: “I got a letter from my cousin Eduard from Australia.” She was just nearby to put the immersion heater into the flower vase in order to cook eggs and asked: “So? What does he write?”
“That he needs his light grey coat and that in Australia there is no eatable mushroom.” – “Then he should eat something else”, she said. – “You are right”, I said.
Later the piano tuner came. He was a somewhat shy and absentminded man, a little bit unworldly, but he was very nice, and naturally very musical. He not only tuned the pianos, but also repaired the string instruments and gave the recorder [3] lessons. His name was Kolhaas. As I stood from the table I already heard that he struck the chords in the next room.
In the closet I saw the light grey coat hanging there. My wife had already picked it up from the attic. That surprised me, because my wife usually does things first only when it doesn’t matter, whether they are done or not. I wrapped up the coat carefully, carried it to the post office and sent it out. First it occurred to me that I had forgotten to take out the mushroom book. But I’m not a mushroom collector.
I went a little bit of walk, and as I came home, the piano tuner and my wife were wandering around in the house: in the closet and under the table.
"Can I help you?” I asked.
"We are looking for Mr. Kolhaas’ coat.” My wife answered.
"Oh so”, I said, aware of my mistake, “I just have sent it the Astralia.” – “Why to Astralia?” my wife asked. “By mistake”, I said. “Then I don’t want to bother you any way”, Mr. Kolhaas said, somewhat crestfallen, although not particularly astonished, and wanted to say good-bye, but I said: “Wait please, you can then have my cousin’s coat for it.”
I went up to the attic and found my cousin’s light grey coat there in a dusty trunk. It was somewhat crumpled – had lain after all in the trunk for 12 years – but was otherwise in good condition.
My wife pressed it a bit with an iron, while I drank a cup of cherry juice with Mr. Kolhaas, and he talked to me about the pianos he had tuned. Then he put the coat on, said goodbye and left.
Several days late we received a package. There were the highly prized mushrooms inside, about one kilogram. On top of the mushrooms there were two letters. I opened the first letter and read:
Dear Mr. Holle (my name is Holle),
Since you were so kind, to put “The Pocket Book for Mushroom Collectors” in the pocket, I would like to send you my first mushroom hunt to you as a thank and hope you like it. I also found a letter in another pocket, you have put this letter really by mistake. I’m sending the letter back to you.
Very sincerely yours,
A. M. Kolhaas
The letter, Mr. Kolhaas was referring to, was really the one my cousin would like to put into the mail box. Apparently he left it along with the coat in our house. The letter was addressed to Mr. Bernhard, as I remembered, who had been my cousin’s friend. I opened the envelope, a theater ticket and a note fell out. On the note:
Dear Nernhard!
I am sending you a ticket for “Tannhäuer” [4] for next Monday, I don’t need it any more, since I want to take a trip to relax a little bit. Perhaps you are interested in going. The Schmidt-Hohlweg [5] sings the Elisabeth [6]. You are always effusive in her high G-sharp.
Best Regards,
Eduard
The highly prized mushrooms will be for our lunch. “I have found the mushrooms here on the table. Where are they actually coming from?” my wife asked. “Mr. Kohlhass has sent to us.” – “How nice is he. It were totally not necessary for him to do so.”
"Not necessary”, I said, “but he is just so nice.”
"Hopefully they are not poisonous. – Anyhow I have also found a theater ticket. What is being played then?”
"The ticket, you have found”, I said, “is for an opera performance of ‘Tannhäuser’, but that was the one for 12 years ago!” – “Anyway”, said my wife, “I don’t have any desire anyway”.
This morning another letter came from Eduard with request to send him a tenor recorder. He has found in the coat (which incidentally had become taller, unless he had become himself shorter) a book for learning how to play the recorder and intended to make use for it. But in Australia the recorder is not available.
"Another letter from Eduard”, I said to my wife. She was in the process of grinding coffee and asked “What did he write?” – “That in Australia there is not recorder.” – “Then he should play a different instrument”, she said.
"I also think so”, I said
"My wife is of refreshingly, disarmingly down-to-earth nature. Her replies are indeed sober but completely exhausting.
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[1]. Der hellgraue Frühjahrsmantel, p. 109. Der Weg zum Lessen. 3rd Ed. Harcourt Brace College Publishers, Fort Worth，Philadelphia....Tokyo, 1986.
[2]. Wolfgan Hildersheimer
In wikipidia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfgang_Hildesheimer
[3]. Recorder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recorder_(musical_instrument)
[4]. Tannhäuer
Wagner's Tannhäuer overture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-NI4WixVUg
Tannhäuer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRwX_fXjmLw
[5]. The Schmidt-Hohlweg, in German and French famous singers and actors are referred to by their last names and the definite article. Note from "Der Weg zum Lesen".
[6]. Elesabeth, a role in Wagner’s Tannhäuer.
Thank you.