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In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 50. Be prepared, it gets a bit racy towards the end.
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
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As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
随着年龄的增长，我越来越看重 50 岁以上的女人。这里给大家简单罗列几个原因：
A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
女人过了 50 ，绝不会深更半夜把你吵醒，问你在想什么。她根本就懒得管你在想什么！
If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
女人过了 50 ，如果她不乐意看球赛，她绝不会坐在一旁抱怨连天。她会做她喜欢做的事情，而这些事情远比看球赛有趣多了。
Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. 50 后的女人体面有加。她很少在看戏或者在外晚餐的时候大喊大叫跟你唱对台戏。当然，如果你罪有应得，而她又可以逃脱惩罚的话，她会毫不犹豫地一枪毙了你。
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
年长的女人对赞美的话一点都不吝啬 --- 哪怕你一点都配不上她们的赞美之词。因为她们完全理解不被人欣赏的滋味。
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.
女人越老越懂人心思。在 50 后的女人面前，你完全用不着唠叨你的罪过。
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
如果你不在乎那么一两条皱纹, 50 后的女人要远比那些年轻的女人性感迷人得多。
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
年长的女人总是实话实说，很少拐弯抹角。如果你本身就是个混蛋，或者你言行举止莫名其妙，她会直截了当给你指出来。跟 50 后的女人打交道，你完全用不着猜想她对你的看法。
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
是的，我们有各种各样的理由来赞美 50 后的女人。遗憾的是，这种赞美得不到回报。每一个迷人，聪明，头发梳理得一丝不苟的 50 后俏女人背后，总有那么个穿着黄裤子，秃头大腹的糟老头在跟一个 22 岁的女服务员打情骂诮。
女士们, 为此我深表歉意。
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
先生们，你们会问，“既然有免费的牛奶可以喝，我又何必买头奶牛呢？” 说这种话你就已经过时了。现而今眼目下, 80% 的女人反对婚姻。为什么会这样？因为女人们明白一个道理，要想吃根香肠，完全用不着买一整头猪回家。 
改译得真好！多谢！
本来想忍住不说的，但你说了欢迎挑毛病，我便趁机了：
“女人越老越懂人心思。在 50 后的女人面前，你完全用不着唠叨你的罪过。” 是否这样更好：“女人越老越心有灵犀。在 50 后的女人面前，你完全用不着坦白你的罪过。”
忙里偷闲顺手来的，纯为自娱自乐。有好几处其实是经不起仔细推敲的。比方说，"well-coiffed",如果不按字面意思来翻译，而是根据上下文和Andy Rooney 一贯的说话风格来处理，完全可以译为"装扮精致". 只是这样一来，偏重了"雅"却忽略了"信".
类似的地方还有一两处，欢迎高手指正。
Makes a lot women feel better now.
要想吃根香肠，完全用不着买一整头猪回家
---- 猪还是要买的. 它的用途不光是香肠.哈哈哈.
翻译水平高超，赞~~
挑个小毛病，“现在而今眼目下”，当是“现而今眼目下”。
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!