自言自语(1)

I took a day off and went with a friend to a writing conference. Not that I wanted to be a writer. But if that is what would turn out to be, I would not shun it away. :=)  

Yue is a professor and she wants to learn how to boost up her already good writing skills for academic journals and publishers. I, on the other hand, just grow a little curious towards the academia in this country. Well, the whole truth is that I also want to get away from work on such a wintry, rainy Friday and be stimulated a little among the intellectual crowd. So I tagged along. Giving no restraints, what I really would like to do in life is to be a vocational teaching missionary somewhere in the west part of China or anywhere in the third world. I guess that when the kids grow up, I could still do it. Well, I will have to keep that in my prayers for a very long time, unless of course that God opens doors miraculously, which is not at all impossible, given what He has done in history or His-Story.  

Did I learn anything besides enjoying all the plenary and breakup sessions, the chats with the brainy while cuddling up on the comfy chair and inhaling the toasty coffee? To say no is lying; but to say yes is bit of stretching. Let me just say this: it is a good and inspiring experience. I guess that I could use all the techniques and strategies in 28 years, the number of years that took one of the star speakers to get his first book published. Ha, there is hope.  

I do feel reinforced, though. That I just have to be more disciplined, writing a bit each day, even typing away complete irrelevant nonsense when there is a block. The rational is to fall into a writing habit. But isn’t that what I have been doing all along in my daily journal writing? I asked, with an outsider’s ease and boldness. Yes, but where is your accountability? The panel speaker answered my question with another question of his. If you feel accountable to a specific audience other than yourself, you would feel compelled to keep it going regardless of how you feel. The little inner voice reminded me to disagree but I suppressed the urge to get into further discussion with the speaker. I felt like a wolf in a sheep’s skin. I have no right using up the legitimate attendees’ precious conference time --I said to myself. Then I thanked the speaker for his advice and started one of my many daydreaming activities.  

With me, how do I ever find time to carry out something as tedious and time consuming as writing? If only there are 28 hours in a day! I could then use the extra four to take on something as a hobby, instead of another duty or responsibility. But I completely lack the passion, the sensibility and choice of words that flow so naturally out of the writers I admire. I do not even have good memory of details for what I read even in my favorite books. The truth is, writing, or more accurately, self-addressed babbling, for me serves more like a distraction. 

Don’t get me wrong -- I am not complaining. Life is good as good can be. It is just that with church, kids, hubby, home and work, there is hardly time for anything else. Anything that is more me and more refreshing in a different way than the daily personal devotions or Bible study.  

But I guess that I will try the advice given to me by the speaker: write a bit each day and become a person of a little extra accountability, even when it means that I have to type way complete nonsense, like what I am doing now.

[sideperspective]

回复梦逍遥的评论:
Will definitely try to be more diligent.

[梦逍遥]

I think you did a fabulous writing job! Your English writing is much better than me. :-) Keep writing and keep you good habit--a little everyday.