1 直率的牙病患者/No Frills Dentist Appointment
The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."
There was an election contest for Class Beauty. Xiao Li was a talented girl, but quite plain-looking. She walked to the speaker's platform with courage and delivered her election speech, "Dear classmates, although I am an ordinary-looking girl, I hope all of you can vote for me. After a few years, when girls in our class get married, you can speak to your husbands proudly, 'When I was in college, I am prettier than the Class Beauty.'"
As a result, her speech won everyone over. She was elected as "Class Beauty" unanimously.
3 Salt Water
A traveling salesman had to walk so much that his feet often hurt. His doctor told him that salt water was the best thing for them, so the salesman decided to go to the sea for his vacation that year. Since all of the hotels near the sea were expensive, he went to a small hotel far away from the beach.
In the morning, he went down to the calm sea with a bucket, went over to the lifeguard and asked whether he would be allowed to take a bucket of salt water. The lifeguard seemed very surprised but said, "Yes, although you'll have to pay twenty-five cents for it."
The salesman gave the lifeguard twenty-five cents, filled his bucket, took it to his hotel and put his feet in the water.
After lunch, he came down to the beach again. The tide had gone out now, so the sea was much lower. The salesman thought, "That man has a very good business. He must have sold thousands of buckets since this morning."
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
5 你能说多少英文？/How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!
Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?
Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine.