南山松

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周末一笑：直率的牙病患者（转载）

(2017-07-07 15:02:45) 下一个

1 直率的牙病患者/No Frills Dentist Appointment

The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."

科恩夫妇被领进牙医办公室。科恩先生声明说他非常着急。

“大夫，不要太贵的材料”，他说，“不要麻醉气、麻醉针或者类似的东西，拨出牙就行了。”

“但愿我所有的病人都象你一样有忍耐力，”牙医钦佩地说。“现在告诉我，你要拨哪颗牙?”

科恩先生转向他的妻子贝基说“亲爱的，给他看。”

2 班花

There was an election contest for Class Beauty. Xiao Li was a talented girl, but quite plain-looking. She walked to the speaker's platform with courage and delivered her election speech, "Dear classmates, although I am an ordinary-looking girl, I hope all of you can vote for me. After a few years, when girls in our class get married, you can speak to your husbands proudly, 'When I was in college, I am prettier than the Class Beauty.'"

As a result, her speech won everyone over. She was elected as "Class Beauty" unanimously.

班里公开选举班花。小丽是个才女，但是相貌平平。她大胆地走上讲台，发表自己的竞选演说：“各位兄弟姐妹，虽然我长相一般，但是我希望大家投我一票。几年以后，在座的姐妹们结婚了，可以骄傲地对你们先生说‘我上大学的时候，比我们的班花还漂亮。’”

结果小丽的演说打动了所有人，她以全票当选“班花”。

3 Salt Water

A traveling salesman had to walk so much that his feet often hurt. His doctor told him that salt water was the best thing for them, so the salesman decided to go to the sea for his vacation that year. Since all of the hotels near the sea were expensive, he went to a small hotel far away from the beach.

In the morning, he went down to the calm sea with a bucket, went over to the lifeguard and asked whether he would be allowed to take a bucket of salt water. The lifeguard seemed very surprised but said, "Yes, although you'll have to pay twenty-five cents for it."

The salesman gave the lifeguard twenty-five cents, filled his bucket, took it to his hotel and put his feet in the water.

After lunch, he came down to the beach again. The tide had gone out now, so the sea was much lower. The salesman thought, "That man has a very good business. He must have sold thousands of buckets since this morning."

一个旅行推销员不得不步行很多以至于他的脚经常受伤。他的医生告诉他，盐水对他们来说是最好的，所以那个推销员决定到海边去度假。因为海边附近的旅馆都很贵，所以他去了离海滩很远的一家小旅馆。

早上他拿了一个桶走向平静的大海，走到救生员那里，问他是否允许带走一桶海水。救生员似乎很吃惊，但说：“是的，不过你得付二十五美分。”

推销员给救生员二十五美分，装满了水桶，把它拿到旅馆，把脚放进了水里。

午饭后，他又来到海滩上。潮水已经退了，所以大海比以前低得多。推销员想：“那个人生意很好。从今天早上起他一定卖了几千桶。”

4 What?

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。

妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。

他问：“什么?”

5 你能说多少英文？/How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

“法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。”

法官看了看被告，问道：“你会说多少英文? ”

被告抬起头，说：“把你的钱包给我!”

6 心不在焉的教授

Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! 

Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? 

Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 

心不在焉的教授：天哪！有人偷了我的钱包！ 

妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋？ 

心不在焉的教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢。

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阅读 () ┆ 评论 (31)
评论
南山松 2017-07-17 18:08:37 回复 悄悄话 回复 '婉妮' 的评论 :
谢谢婉妮的一直关注和支持：）
婉妮，新周快乐！
婉妮 2017-07-17 17:07:15 回复 悄悄话 每次都会补看松松的每周一笑，抱歉，有时不够准时。松松新周好。
南山松 2017-07-17 16:13:23 回复 悄悄话 回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
花甲老翁好！嗯，盼着山韭菜回来：）小婷说反话呢：）
花甲老翁，新周快乐！
花甲老翁 2017-07-15 06:13:12 回复 悄悄话 山韭菜未回來,買不到墨,欠缺了有墨.
花甲老翁 2017-07-15 06:11:18 回复 悄悄话 雪兒是說反話啊?科恩先生对他的妻子真仁慈
南山松 2017-07-11 18:17:56 回复 悄悄话 回复 '波城冬日' 的评论 :
冬日好！是啊，她的情商可真高：）
冬日，周中快乐！
南山松 2017-07-11 18:17:10 回复 悄悄话 回复 '艾粉' 的评论 :
哈哈，粉粉，周中快乐！
南山松 2017-07-11 18:16:47 回复 悄悄话 回复 '红裙绿意' 的评论 :
红裙好！周中快乐！
南山松 2017-07-11 18:16:29 回复 悄悄话 回复 'Michelle_Lee' 的评论 :
小婷好！她的妻子可真倒霉：）
小婷，周中快乐！
波城冬日 2017-07-11 10:35:52 回复 悄悄话 哈哈， 第二的班花说最好笑， 高情商啊！
艾粉 2017-07-10 23:42:50 回复 悄悄话 牙掉了：）
红裙绿意 2017-07-10 22:28:35 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈
Michelle_Lee 2017-07-10 22:19:55 回复 悄悄话 科恩先生对他的妻子真仁慈：）
南山松 2017-07-10 17:23:46 回复 悄悄话 回复 '多伦多橄榄树' 的评论 :
橄榄树好！嗯，想笑的时候总可以笑：）
橄榄树，新周快乐！
南山松 2017-07-10 17:23:13 回复 悄悄话 回复 '人間的盒子' 的评论 :
问好盒子，新周快乐！
南山松 2017-07-10 17:22:56 回复 悄悄话 回复 '水沫' 的评论 :
水沫好！就是，#4很有道理：）
水沫，新周快乐！
南山松 2017-07-10 17:22:09 回复 悄悄话 回复 'womaninhome' 的评论 :
嗯，这个很有意思：）
问好家家，新周快乐！
南山松 2017-07-10 17:21:39 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
东东好！遇到#1里的丈夫真是倒霉啊：）
东东，新周快乐！
多伦多橄榄树 2017-07-10 13:19:39 回复 悄悄话 迟到的周末愉快，松松的笑话不会过期
人間的盒子 2017-07-09 11:06:35 回复 悄悄话 哈哈
水沫 2017-07-09 09:51:18 回复 悄悄话 班花很聪明，4很有道理：）松松周末愉快~
womaninhome 2017-07-07 20:30:55 回复 悄悄话 哈哈，海水退潮的故事太好玩了。松松周末愉快。
erdong 2017-07-07 19:55:41 回复 悄悄话 千万别碰上1里那财迷的丈夫！2里的小丽是当之无愧的班花~
松松周末快乐！
南山松 2017-07-07 19:08:06 回复 悄悄话 回复 '吃出健康' 的评论 :
健康好！1，2 都有趣：）
健康，周末快乐！
南山松 2017-07-07 19:07:32 回复 悄悄话 回复 'yy56' 的评论 :
yy56好！#2中的女孩的确非常机敏：）
yy56，周末快乐！
吃出健康 2017-07-07 19:00:10 回复 悄悄话 都很好笑，我最喜欢1和2. 谢谢松松分享！周末快乐！
yy56 2017-07-07 18:34:32 回复 悄悄话 喜欢2. 机敏。

周末会常来这笑笑。谢谢分享
南山松 2017-07-07 18:14:15 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
点点好！嗯，给别人拔牙，的确不关自己痛痒；哈哈，干一样爱一行~ 推销员真是满脑子都是生意经：）
点点，周末快乐！
spot321 2017-07-07 16:53:16 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈，难怪当丈夫的那样勇敢，原来是太太拔牙呀。~~~ 要是他自己肯定会吓得面色惨白。（一般来讲，男人不如女人勇敢。）呵呵呵，真是干一行爱一行，偷钱包用语背的滚瓜烂熟。推销员就是推销员，满脑袋都是生意经。：）） 几个段子都很有意思。谢谢小松！祝周末愉快！
南山松 2017-07-07 15:41:33 回复 悄悄话 回复 '菲儿天地' 的评论 :
菲儿好！班花很聪明哈：）
菲儿，周末快乐！
菲儿天地 2017-07-07 15:19:32 回复 悄悄话 1，2，5哈哈哈，班花有道理。谢谢松松分享，周末快乐！
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