1 金发女郎的梦/A Blonde's Dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream every day, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (Giggles quietly) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes, it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull."
金发女郎：那是奇怪的事情。 在每一个梦中，同样的事情发生了。 我总是来到这个门，但我不能打开它。 我一直在推门，推门，但它一动也不动！
2 我在给钟表加油/I'm Cheering the clock on
There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening. The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team. I sat in front of the TV at 7 o'clock, when the game just began. An hour later, my wife came to join me. She seemed to be absent-minded while she was watching the game. As the time clock showed one minute, forty-two seconds left in the game, she began cheering enthusiastically, "come on -- get going!"
Since she had never been a football fan, I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for. "Neither," she replied. "I'm cheering the time clock on."
3 I Drop my Weight from Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds."
When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping!"
当史密斯先生回来看医生后，他已经减掉了近二十磅。 “为什么，真太棒了！” 医生说：“你按照我的指示做的吗？”
4 The Grounded Conductor
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the
"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
"My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."