1 美国梦/American Dream
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
2 商人的主意/A Businessman's Idea
A family moved from the city to the suburbs, and were told they ought to get a watchdog to guard their house.
So they bought the largest dog available from a near-by dealer.
Shortly afterwards the house was broken into at night by burglars while the dog was asleep. The householder went to the dealer and told him about it.
"Well, what you need now," said the dealer, "is a little dog to wake up the dog."
Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill.
Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.
So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
4 不要和小孩争论/Don't Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
申请人正在填写求职申请。 当他答到这个问题，“你被逮捕过吗？” 他写道，“没有。”
A little boy was practicing his violin, while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally, the father could endure the combination no more and said, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"