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周末一笑: 不要动(转载)

(2016-09-30 16:35:33) 下一个

1 不要动/Hands off

A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her husband's business associates.

She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read: "Use these, I'll kill you."

When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.

我的一位朋友为他丈夫的生意伙伴办了一个很重要的晚宴。

他把客用的毛巾和香皂都放在卫生间。为了不让她的小孩们先把这些东西用了，她在上面贴了张警告的条子。上面写着：“用这些，我就杀了你。”

当客人们离开这个成功的晚宴后，她来到卫生间，发现毛巾和香皂都没有动过…她的警告条子还在上面。

2 真情/True feelings

We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.

My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I was delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"

"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

我们和一大群人在橄榄球比赛散场时离开比赛场。

我那位从不在公众场合流露感情的丈夫这时拉住了我的手，我非常高兴。当我们携手往体育场外走时，我抬着头看着他并笑着问：“你不想失去我，对吗？”

“不”，他说：“我只是不想去找你。”

3 广告的威力/The Effectiveness of Advertisement

Some businessmen were talking about advertising on TV excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, everyone had his point of view.

At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. Grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement.

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked.

"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked.

"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

"Did you get the dog back?"

"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

一群商人正兴奋地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过，所以每个人都有自己的观点。

此时，格雷先生路过。格雷是一个汽车经销商，他曾经做过一次广告。

“你们在讨论什么？”格雷先生问。

“广告有用不？”其中一位商人问。

“噢，有用，而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说，“我曾经发布了一条广告，要花100美金寻找一条丢失的看门狗。”

“你的狗找到了吗？”

“没，但是那个晚上我的三辆车被偷走了。”

4 是我啊/That's Me

In a darkest night, a policeman watches a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door. "Is this your home?" the policeman asks.

"Sure, I'll prove it to you if you help me." Inside, the man explains, "You see, this is my bedroom. And this is my wife."

"And who is the man next to her?" the policeman wants to know.

"That's me!"

在一个漆黑的夜里，一名警察看到一个踉跄的男人怎么也打不开门。“这是你家吗？”警察问。

“当然，如果你帮我，我将证明给你看。”走进屋里，那人说：“你瞧，这是我的卧室，这是我太太。”

“那她身边的男人是谁？”警察想知道。

“那是我啊！”

(注: 这个丈夫喝醉了。)

5 顾客永远是对的/The Customer Is Always Right

The manager of a shop was yelling at one of his staff.

"I saw you arguing with a customer," he said crossly. "Will you please remember that in my shop the customer is always right? Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," said the assistant. "The customer is always right."

"Now what were you arguing about?"

"Well sir, he said you were an idiot."

商店的经理正在对一名员工大呼小叫。

“我看见你和一个顾客吵架，” 他生气地说，“你能不能记住，在我的店里，顾客永远是对的。你明白了吗？”

“是的，先生，”店员说，“顾客永远是对的。”

“那你刚才和他吵什么？”

“噢，先生，他说你是个白痴。”

6 粉红色的西瓜/Pink Watermelon

A fruit vendor in Philippines sold a watermelon to a woman and assured her that it was very sweet because it was red inside.

As she rode home on a bicycle, the vehicle skidded and the watermelon fell to the street and broke open, the woman was surprised to see that the fruit was pale pink but not red. So she returned with it to the vendor and complained loudly. "Madam," replied the vendor, "when one falls out of a vehicle to the street, one can expect to turn pale. How about a watermelon?"

在菲律宾，一个女人从一个水果商那里买了一个西瓜，水果商向她保证这个西瓜非常甜，因为是红瓤的。

当这个女人骑车回家时，车子打滑西瓜掉在地上摔得裂开了，女人吃惊地发现这个西瓜不是红瓤的，而是浅粉色的。于是她返回去找水果商高声抱怨。 “夫人。 ”水果商回答，“如果一个人从车子上摔倒在地上，也会吓得脸色发白。更何况是西瓜呢？”

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