南山松

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周末一笑: 都不是(转载)

(2016-09-02 15:52:49) 下一个

1 都不是/Neither

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

正值当地竞选时期，候选人到他的区域的所有人家登门拜访。

候选人来到了一家门口，一个小男孩开了门。“告诉我，年轻人，” 政客问道，“你母亲是在共和党还是在民主党?”

“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

2 决斗/A Duel

Little Peter came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Peter, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑着眼圈、衣服也被撕破了。

显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，”彼得说，“我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”

3 肚里就不会长虫了!

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。他把一只虫子放到一杯清水而另一只虫子放到一杯威士忌里。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫子蜷缩起来就挂掉了。

"所以，儿子啊，"父亲问道，"得出什么结论?"

"嗯，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了!"

4 什么也没留下

Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING."

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

"THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!"

布朗太太要外出一天。她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西!”

她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现加了一句：“谢谢!我们什么也没留下!”

5 他的得数只比正确答案多二/He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an American college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren't always smart enough to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I'd better ask him a few questions first."

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn’t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, "Well, what's five times seven?"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想找到好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。

有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见学院院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问他几个问题。”

然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。

最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少?”

学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”

院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”

6 粗心的教授

The absent-minded professor shouted: "Kate, come to the blackboard!"