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周末一笑: 只有一次(转载)

(2016-08-19 14:36:49) 下一个

1 只有一次/Only Once

A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. "I understand your father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried.

"Yes, he was," the man replied. 

"Do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?"

"I did it only once," said the new tamer, "to look for Dad."

 一位驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手,”记者说。

“是的,他是。”那人回答说。

“你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗?”

“只有一次,”那位驯狮新手说,“为了找我爸爸。”

2 美德/Virtue    

Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.   

When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered.  "Perseverance is a virtue."             

获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾厄姆顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天,在一个拥挤的电梯里,有人抱怨电梯效率低下。我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过。     

最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。”       

3 数学没及格/Flunking Math    

My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student.    

"Mom," he said excitedly, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"   

"And just what does this mean?" I asked.   

"I'm flunking math," he replied.    

我儿子是印第安那州曼西市波尔州立大学的学生,大学一年级就上了院长的荣誉名单。第二年他学心理学,刚几个星期他就给家里打了个电话。     

“妈妈,”他激动地说:“我找到了如何在大学里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分数,而是具备将学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。我很幸运地有了这种奇妙的经历。”     

“你到底是什么意思?”我问道。    

“我数学没及格。”他回答说。          

4 业余工作/Part-time Job 

When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.  

"How was your first day?" I asked.   

"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."  

Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"  

"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"           

我儿子在高中的第二年时,在一家超级市场找到了一份将商品装袋的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。    

“第一天感觉如何?”我问。     

“好极了,爸爸。”他答道,“我跟一些漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”      

由于斯蒂芬不善言谈,我问道:“你跟他们说了些什么?”    

“你是喜欢纸袋还是塑料袋?”   

5 老板的主意/Boss's idea

When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来,我就打电话给维修部。一位和蔼的男人说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。

他还说,如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费,让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。

他的话让我喜出望外,就问他:“你们老板知道你这样阻拦生意么?”

“事实上,这就是我们老板的主意,”雇员答道:“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能从维修上挣更多的钱。”

6 可以选择/You May Select

The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

"Cabbage."

"The others?"

"None."

"Then how to select?"

"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。

一天,丈夫回到家,问妻子:“亲爱的,今天我们吃啥菜?”

妻子回答:“今天你可以选择。” 丈夫感到非常高兴,又问:“都有哪些菜呢?”

“卷心菜。”

“还有呢?”

“没了。”

“那你要我怎么选呢?”

“吃还是不吃!”妻子说。

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阅读 ()评论 (21)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'momo_sharon' 的评论 :
默默好! 谢谢你喜欢和鼓励,新周快乐!
momo_sharon 回复 悄悄话 这期不错,都挺搞笑的。
谢谢松松每周坚持不懈的分享,周末愉快!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
是啊,是啊,我们拿冠军了!!!!!!!
小声音 回复 悄悄话 噢!耶 中国女排获得冠军!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '菲儿天地' 的评论 :
菲儿好! #3,这学生报告坏消息还挺有说辞的:)
菲儿,周末快乐!
菲儿天地 回复 悄悄话 1,3 好笑!谢谢松松分享!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '水沫' 的评论 :
水沫好! 我也是很喜欢第二个, 修女好天真好可爱,笔者被认为读了那么多年的书,情何以堪~
水沫,周末快乐!
水沫 回复 悄悄话 好笑,莫名喜欢第2个,松松周末愉快~
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '50后的姥姥' 的评论 :
美眉好! 真高兴让你笑了:)
美眉,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'erdong' 的评论 :
东东好! 只能预祝你试验成功,哈哈哈~
东东,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
哈哈,小小好! 也许你家领导不上当啊,我昨天试了,我们家的说随便吃什么都行,让我试验失败啊~~~
小小,周末快乐! 今晚一起看排球:)
50后的姥姥 回复 悄悄话 哈哈!看了第一个就笑了,驯狮手!第六,没有选择,吃还是不吃!
erdong 回复 悄悄话 和小小同感,最后一个要试试,必须的,哈哈!
小声音 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,最后一个那天也试试:)))
松松周末快乐,明天大家一起看排球,预祝女排夺冠:))
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '晓青' 的评论 :
哈哈,晓青好! 想要跟你家领导逗着玩了:)
晓青,周末快乐!
晓青 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,都幽默,最后一个最逗,乐死我了!哪天我也试试看:)
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '婉妮' 的评论 :
问好婉妮,谢谢你的友好留言,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'spot321' 的评论 :
给沙发上的点点上茶:)
喜欢你的每个点评~
点点,周末快乐!
婉妮 回复 悄悄话 谢谢松松每个周末坚持不懈地为大家带来欢乐,问好松松,周末愉快!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,多么英明的妻子~~~~~~。不善言谈的儿子能不时的说出“纸袋还是塑料袋?”已经就算很勇敢了。信上帝的人就是心地善良。~~~第一个最无助。谢谢小松的好段子!昨天还写了一段很精彩的体育评论,今天下午才发现。祝周末愉快!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 沙发!
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