南山松

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周末一笑:判断失误(转载)

(2016-07-15 16:38:18) 下一个

1 判断失误/Wrong judgement

The owner visits his factory and is shocked to see a man leaning against a wall, drinking coffee, "How much do you make?" he demands. “Eighty dollars a day,” is the reply. The owner hands him $80 and says, “Get out, and don't come back!"

Two minutes later the foreman comes in and asks, "Where's the delivery man who was just here?"

工厂主来到他的工厂,震惊地看到见一个人倚着墙喝咖啡。“你挣多少钱? ”他问。“80美元一天。”那人回答。厂主递给他80美元说:“出去,不要回来了。”

两分钟后,工头进来问:“刚才在这儿的送货员哪儿去了?”

2 纹身/Tattoo

A few months after Tom and I were married during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters, he wrote, "I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

Instead of pleading, I answered simply, “Send me a picture of your tattoo, and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

二战期间汤姆和我刚结婚几个月后,他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中,他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”

我没有恳求,只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹身的照片来,然后我也在我的胸前仿纹一个。” 

我们现在已结婚51年了,谁也没纹过身。

3 责怪/Blame

As I sat with my pet in the veterinarian's waiting room, a woman and her old English sheepdog emerged from one of the examining rooms. The dog sat obediently while the woman asked for her bill.  When told it was $80, she looked down at the dog and said, "Did you hear that? Get a job."

当我带着我的宠物坐在兽医的侯诊室里,一位妇女和她英国古代牧羊犬从一间诊室里走出来。当主人在问诊费时,那只狗乖乖地坐着。当主人被告知诊资是80美元时,那妇女低头看着狗说:“你听到了吗? 找份工作吧。”

图片来自网络

4 分别对待/Treat differently

On a visit to the United States, Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. "What do you do for a living here?" the Soviet leader asked him.

"My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.”

"How do these capitalist bosses treat you?"

"Just fine, "answered the man. “In fact, if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time, he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.”

Gorbachev was stunned. “How often does this happen?"

"Well, to me, actually never. But to my sister, several times. "

在一次出访美国期间,戈尔巴乔夫遇见了一位移居美国的俄国人。“你在这儿靠什么谋生?”苏联的领导问他。

“我哥、我妹和我在一个大工厂工作.”

“那儿的资本家对你们怎样?”

“还不错,”那人回答,“事实上,如果你下班步行回家,老板会让你搭坐他的大车,把你送到家。另一次,他请你去昂贵的餐厅吃晚餐。有时候,他邀你到他家去度周末,还送给你礼物。”

戈尔巴乔夫很吃惊:“这种事多久有一回?”

“嗯,对我嘛,还没有一次呢。但对我妹妹,已经有好几次了。”

5 后知之明/Hindsight

Several years ago, the Connecticut state polices were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall. One officer, failing to do so, found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.

A woman called the police station to report the accident.  In reply to inquire on the officer's condition, she said, "Well, he seems okay, but you'd better get someone out here really quick. He's standing on the car, putting chains on the tires!”

几年前,康涅狄格州的警察被要求在下第一场雪后,把车胎上加上铁链。有一个警官没这么做,结果他在一次车子打滑中翻了车,车底朝上。

一位妇女给警察局打电话报告了这个事玫。在回答该警官的状况的问讯时,她说:“他看上去没事儿,不过,你们最好赶快派人来,他正站在车上给轮胎套链子呢!"

6 我还多一个/I've got one more

I was asked in by the company commander to explain why a report was in error. "Sir," I said, "you have to understand that I have four idiots working for me."

He looked up from his desk and said, "You are lucky. I have five idiots working for me.”

连长要求我解释为什么一份报告出现错误。“先生,”我说:“你必须了解,我有四个白痴为我工作.”

他从桌上抬起头说:“你够幸运的,我有五个白痴为我工作!”

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阅读 ()评论 (19)
评论
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '石假装' 的评论 :
石美眉好! 嗯, 第二个所用的方法真是不错:)
石美眉, 周中快乐!
石假装 回复 悄悄话 我也觉得第2个好,寓意很深。
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '水沫' 的评论 :
水沫好! 第二个中的妻子很聪明哈:)
水沫,新周快乐!
水沫 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,很好笑~~不知为什么喜欢第二个,松松周末愉快~~
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '小声音' 的评论 :
问好小小, 太喜欢你家的菜园子了,要啥有啥,美不胜收又硕果累累的:)
小小,周末快乐!
小声音 回复 悄悄话 来松松这里不仅周末一笑,也学习一下英文:))
谢谢松松分享:))
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '婉妮' 的评论 :
婉妮好! 是啊,一周一周地,时间过得真快!
婉妮,周末快乐!
婉妮 回复 悄悄话 松松周末愉快!每次看到松松的周末一笑,笑着就想,一周又过去了,好快!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '菲儿天地' 的评论 :
问好菲儿,周末快乐!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '花甲老翁' 的评论 :
谢谢花甲老翁喜欢,周末快乐!
菲儿天地 回复 悄悄话 等女儿起来出门,就来看看松松的笑话学英文,哈哈!
花甲老翁 回复 悄悄话 喜歡頭和尾兩個笑話,會心笑,有默.
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 'momo_sharon' 的评论 :
哈哈,默默好! 男女有别啊:)
默默,周末快乐!
momo_sharon 回复 悄悄话 第四个最搞笑。妹妹的待遇不一般呀~
南山松 回复 悄悄话 回复 '晓青' 的评论 :
晓青好!谢谢你喜欢,周末快乐!
晓青 回复 悄悄话 特喜欢松松的这些周末一笑!
周末愉快!
南山松 回复 悄悄话 给沙发上的点点上茶!
点点肯定没让你家的小狗去找工作~ 那个妻子很聪明啊,硬劝还不一定有效. 钱啊,有时很会惹事: )
点点,周末快乐!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 有很多小狗去看病都很听话,我家妞妞就是一个,估计是吓得不知所措了。:)想到妻子的胸前成天到晚的都有一艘战舰在那里躺着,丈夫就打消了要纹身的主意了。哈哈。当事情和钱联系在一起,人们的判断就容易出误差,都是钱给闹的。问好小松!祝周末愉快!
spot321 回复 悄悄话 这个沙发好!:)
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