南山松

阳光明媚清风起，微波荡漾碧蓝天。

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周末一笑: 夜察(转载)

(2016-05-27 16:02:21) 下一个

1 夜察/Night inspection

My main responsibility as a security inspector is checking on guards. One morning around three o'clock I made a surprise visit to a facility and found the guard sitting at a table with his arms folded in front of him as a pillow for his head. I cleared my throat, dropped my clipboard and rattled the trash can, expecting him to wake up, startled and bleary eyed. No response. A few seconds later, he very calmly raised his head, looked heaven-ward and said, "Amen."

作为安全检查员我的主要责任是检查那些警卫。一个早晨在凌晨三点左右我突然造访一个部门，发现警卫坐在桌旁头枕着胳膊趴在桌上。我清了清嗓子，把我的记录夹扔在了地上，弄响了垃极桶，想让他受惊并睡眼惺忪地醒来。他没反应。几秒钟后，他非常镇静地抬起头，望着天说:“阿门。”

2 至少要买这些/The least to buy

My husband is generally not a very romantic person, so I was rather pleased when on our 23rd wedding anniversary he surprised me with 17 roses. Curious about the odd amount, I asked him if there was a special significance to buying 17 roses rather than the normal one or two dozen.

" No," he answered.“that was the minimum amount that could be charged."

我丈夫通常不是一个非常浪漫的人。所以，在结婚23周年纪念日那天他送我17支玫瑰给我惊喜时我特别高兴。好奇这奇怪的数量，我问他买17支玫瑰而不是通常的一打或两打是否有什么特别的意义。

“没什么特别的意义。”他答道:“再少人家就不卖了。”

3 杰米健美多了/Jamie looks great

Immediately after my husband’s company built a weight-lifting facility for its employees, he and a colleague of his, Jamie, joined the program. Although Jamie dropped out of the program, my husband continued faithfully. Several months later, a co-worker came up to him and expressed interest in weight training. My husband was flattered that someone had noticed the results of his dedicated effort, until the man exclaimed, "Yes, I just saw Jamie and he looks great.”

在我丈夫的公司为雇员建了举重场地后，我丈夫立刻和他的一位同事-杰米参加了锻炼。尽管后来杰米退出了锻炼，可我丈夫始终不渝地坚特锻炼。几个月后，一位同事走到我丈夫跟前表示他对举重锻炼感兴趣。我丈夫为有人注意到他专注努力的结果而感到美滋滋的，直到那位先生感叹: “嘿，我刚才见到杰米了，他看上去好棒哟！”

4 尴尬/Embarrassment

My parents' tour leader asked everyone to put their large suitcases outside their hotel rooms at bed time so the bus could be loaded for an early departure the next morning. Mom laid out their travelling clothes, repacked their things, took out her hearing aid and went to bed. Dad stepped into the hall to line up their luggage and the door clicked shut behind him, leaving him there in only his underwear.

"It sure was embarrassing,”he told us later. Your mother couldn't hear me, so I had to go downstairs and across the street to the office to get another key.”

"But, Grandpa.”our son piped up.“What about the clothes in the suitcase you put in the hall?"

我父母的旅游团领队告诉每个人在晚上睡觉前把他们的大箱子放在饭店的房间外，这样，汽车可以为次日早晨的早出发装载。妈妈铺开了旅行时穿的衣服，重新打了包，取下了助听器睡觉去了。爸爸去走廊把他们的行李摆好时，门咔嚓一下在他身后撞上了。他只穿着内裤，束手无策。

“的确很尴尬，”他事后告诉我们:“你妈妈听不见我，所以我不得不下楼穿过街到办公室去要另一把钥匙。”

“但是，爷爷，”我们的儿子尖声说道:“那你为什么不穿放在走廊的箱子里的衣服呢?”

5 谁人不聪明/Smart or not

A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He requested my assistance in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work, with me just doing corrections and inputting data. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training.

When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I’m so glad you’re teaching instead of him.” Surprised, I replied that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. “Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get real nervous around smart people."

给一家咨询集团工作的一位同行的计算机程序员为我们最大的客户之一设计了一些软件。他要求我的协助把软件投入运行。开始时，他干着绝大部分的工作，我只是干些更正和数据输入的事。最终，他让我帮助做最后阶段的培训工作。

当我和一位女士坐下来，我告她我来向她演示怎样修改文件时，她松了一口气说:“我真高兴是你来教我，而不是他。”惊讶地我回答说我的同事比我的经验丰富得多。“是的，”她说，“但我感觉跟你在一块儿舒服多了。在聪明人身边我真是紧张。”

6 点到痛处/Real criticism

As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in a federal district court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain information. Finally, the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.

"Thank you, Your Honor." the attorney said. "How is it that you were able to get the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"

"Easy," replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour.”

作为一个年轻的律师，当我经手我的第一个大案时，我坐在联邦地区法院观看一位著名的律师提问证人。这个位律师试图引出某些信息但不成功。最后法官转向证人问了一个问题，就从证人那儿得到了满意的回答。

“谢谢，尊敬的阁下。”律师说:“在我试了三次之后您怎么能只一个问题就抓住了事情的关键?”

“容易，”法官说:“我不是按小时拿钱。”

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