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周末一笑: 钓威士忌(转载)

(2016-05-06 15:56:56) 下一个

1 钓威士忌/Fishing For Whiskey

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

“可怜的老傻瓜”，衣冠楚楚的绅士看着一个老男人在一家酒吧外的水坑里钓鱼时想到。于是他邀请老人到里面喝酒。当他们抿着自己的威士忌时，绅士想他要跟老者幽默一下，问道：“那么你今天钓到多少？”

老人回答说：“你是第八个。”

2 通情达理/Being Reasonable

Everyone has a right to make money. A sign posted at a local pub reads "Be safe: Don’t drink and drive. But please still drink."

每个人都有赚钱的权利。张贴在当地的一个酒吧的一个牌子上写着“注意安全：不要酒后驾车，但还是请喝酒。”

3 鸭子在酒吧/Duck in a Bar

This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No, we only sell beer here". The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No, I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no".

The duck asks “Do you have any grapes"?

这鸭子走进酒吧，问酒保，“你有葡萄吗”？

酒保说：“没有，在这里我们只卖啤酒”。鸭子离开了。

第二天，鸭子走回到酒吧，问酒保，“你有葡萄吗”？

酒保说：“没有，我告诉过你，我们只卖啤酒，如果你再问我，我要把你的鸟嘴钉在吧台上。”鸭子于是离开了。

第二天，鸭子走回到酒吧，问酒保“你有钉子吗?”？酒保说“没有”。

鸭子问：“你有葡萄吗”？

4 饮酒捕手Drinking Catchers

A sign on Washington’s Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads "If you drink and drive, we’ll provide the chasers."

在华盛顿的8号干线的一个招牌，放映着一个警车警灯闪烁的图案，写着“如果你酒后开车，我们会提供追逐者。”

5 撅起嘴巴/Pucker Up

One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.

They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don’t look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he’s got a gun."

Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss me on the lips."

一天晚上，我的朋友约翰和我坐在他曾经工作过的一个酒吧，当一个有吸引力的女人，一个前同事，走了进来坐在他旁边。她告诉他，她刚刚与她的丈夫，一名警察打了起来，她需要离开家待一会儿。

他们谈论了几分钟的时候，作为一个笑话，我俯身约翰。“现在不要看，”我低声说，“一个大约6英尺5英寸的男人刚走了进来。而且他有枪。”

毫不犹豫地，约翰转向我。“快，埃德，”他说，“吻我的嘴唇。”

6 新牛仔裤的问题/The Problem with New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”

我在顾客服务台，退掉一条非常紧的牛仔裤。

“他们有什么问题吗？”店员问。

“是的，”我说。“他们伤害了我的感情。”

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