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周末一笑: 恶魔在教会(转载)

(2016-01-15 17:12:02) 下一个

1 恶魔在教会/DEVIL IN THE CHURCH

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure I am not," said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

撒旦出现在一个小镇的教堂集会上。每个人都开始尖叫着跑向教堂的前门，为了脱身疯狂努力并相互践踏。

很快除了一位老人还冷静地坐在那里，所有的人都已经走了。

撒旦走到他面前，说：“难道你不知道我是谁吗？”

该名男子回答说：“是的，当然知道。”

撒旦问：“难道你不打算跑？”

“不，当然不，”那人说。

撒旦问：“为什么你不怕我？”

该名男子回答说：“已经和你的妹妹结婚48年多了。”

2 差异45/THE 45 DIFFERENCE

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

问：女朋友和妻子之间的区别是什么？

答：45磅。

问：男朋友和老公的区别是什么？

答：45分钟。

3 丈夫最好的朋友/THE HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

一个女人会见她的情人，他也是她的丈夫最好的朋友。

他们做爱了几个小时。然后，当他们躺在床上时，电话响了。因为是在女人的家里，她拿起了话筒。那个最好的朋友听着，只听到她这边的话：

“喂？哦，嗨，你好，我真高兴你打来电话......真的吗？那太好了......嗯，我很高兴听到你玩得这么高兴......哦，这听起来太棒了......我也爱你。好，再见。”

她挂断电话，她的情人问，“那是谁啊？”

“哦，”她回答说，“那是我的丈夫告诉我他与你一起钓鱼之行的美好时光。”

4 和爸爸结婚/MARRY DADDY

Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm going to marry you.' We laughed about it. My wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'

昨晚吃饭时，我六岁的孩子转过身来对我说，“爸爸，等我长大了，我要嫁给你。”我们笑了起来。我的妻子说，“不要犯跟我一样的错误了。”

5 相关的死亡/RELATED DEATHS

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.

"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

两个家伙在同一时间出现在天堂。第一个人说，他是冻死的，而第二人告诉他，他死于心脏病发作。

“那是怎么回事？”第一个男人问。

“是这样，我回到家，以为听到了我的妻子与另一个男人在一起。但是，当我搜查房子的时候，我找不到任何人。我被错误地指责我妻子不忠的悔恨打击，心脏病发作当场死亡。”

“哎呀，”第一个家伙说。 “如果你打开冰箱，我们俩现在都还活着。”

6 宗教差异/RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCE

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

我们分手的原因有很多。有一个是宗教的不同：我是个天主教徒，她是魔鬼。

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