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周末一笑: 上帝在看着(转载）

(2015-12-04 17:35:20) 下一个

1 上帝在看着/God Is Watching

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

学生们在食堂排队吃午餐。在桌子的一头有一大堆苹果，修女写了一张纸条，贴在苹果托盘上:“只能拿一个。上帝在看着你。”

顺着午餐队伍往前走，在桌子的另一端有一大堆巧克力饼干。一个孩子写了一张纸条，“想要多少拿多少，上帝正看着苹果呢。”

2 大胆的猜想/A Wild Guess

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The professor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked! I'm naked!"

我们的物理教授千方白计地引导学生讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们，阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高喊:"Eureka, eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。

一个学生站起来答道:“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”

注: ureka int. （因找到某物，尤指问题的答案而高兴）我发现了，我找到了;

3 理由/Reasons

One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

Mom: Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.

Son: But why? I don't want to go to school.

Mom: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.

Son: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.

Mom: Oh! That's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.

Son: Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?

Mom: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

一天清晨，妈妈去叫还在睡觉的儿子起床。

妈妈:起来，儿子。去学校的时间到了。

儿子: 但是为什么？我不想去学校。

妈妈: 给我两个理由，你为什么不想去学校。

儿子: 第一，所有的孩子都恨我。第二，所有的老师都恨我。

妈妈: 哦!这不是理由。来吧，你必须去学校。

儿子: 那给我两个为什么我要去学校的理由？

妈妈: 第一，你都52岁了，应该明白自己的责任。第二，你是学校的校长。

4 妻子的祈求/Wife's Begging

Two men were talking at the break-room. One was telling the other about a fight he had had with his wife. "In the end" he said, "I had her begging on her knees."

"What did she say?" asked the coworker.

"She told me to come out from under the bed."

两位男士正在休息室淡论着。一位对另一位说起他与妻子的一场争斗。他说：“最后，我迫使她跪下来求我。”

“她怎么求你的?”另一位很好奇。

“她求我快点从床下爬出来。”

5 女人的回答/A Woman's Answer

A husband said to his wife, "Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish'?"

"Well," his wife answered at once. "The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

一位丈夫对妻子说：“为什么上帝把女人创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢？”

“噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”

6 三人同舟/Three Men in a Boat

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

"Oh yes," he said. "They are my friends.”

"In that case," warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

"Yes, sir." the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

三位男子在公园的长椅土坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。

一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。

“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友”

“那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”

“好的，警官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂地做起划桨的动作来。

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