南山松

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周末一笑: 新发现(转载)

(2015-11-06 18:58:42) 下一个

1 新发现/New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, “I should have brought my wife!”

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

2 一个坏印象/A Bad Impression

Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment.” Then he closed the window again.

The young man turned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, “What did I leave behind?”

As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!”

有六个人措乘火车旅行，坐在同一车箱内。其中五个很安静，也很规矩。但第六个是个粗鲁的年轻人，给其他乘客招惹了许多麻烦。

最后，这位年轻人在一个车站带着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。没有一个旅客帮他的忙。有个人一直等到这位粗兽的年轻人走得很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊:“你把东西留在车厢里了!”然后，又把窗户关了起来。

年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。他转回来时，显得非常疲倦，对着窗户大声喊:“我把什么东西留在车上了?”

当火车再次启动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户说:“一个极坏的印象!”

3 其余的事由我负责/I’ll See To The Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, Miss,” he shouted. "Shut the door, please”

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye.” she called back.

"You just shut that door, please, ”called the guard, "and I’II see to the rest.”

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐!”他喊道:“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说，“其余的事由我负责。”

4 第一次坐飞机/First Flight

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, “Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?”

"Those are ants,”answered his friend. "We’re still on the ground.”

约翰逊先生之前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于空难的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道:“看下面那些人，他们看起来就像蚂蚁一样小，是不是?”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

5 两周可活了/Two Weeks to Live

A man goes to the doctor for a check up. After the exam, the doctor tells him, "I have some bad news: You only have have about two weeks left to live."

The man is shocked and asks the doctor, "Is there anything I can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"

The doctor replies, "There is one thing that you could do."

"Just name it -- I'll do whatever it is," the man replies.

The doctor advises the man to take mud baths at least two or three times each day.

The man asks, "Will that help my condition?"

The doctor answers, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

一个人去医生那儿做检查。检查结束后，医生告诉他，“我有一些坏消息：你只有大约两个星期可活了。”

该名男子感到震惊，问医生，“做什么事情能使我在余下的时间里更能忍受吗？”

医生回答：“你可以做一件事。”

“告诉我 – 不管是什么我都去做，”男子回答说。

医生建议那人每天做至少两次或三次的泥浴。

该男子问，“那会帮助我的情况？”