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周末一笑: 候诊室(转载)

(2015-10-23 16:38:54) 下一个

1 候诊室

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles.

Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?''

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

这名妇女病危被送往医院。她的丈夫耐心地等待在候诊室。几分钟后，医生出来，并让她的助理找一个扳手，这引起丈夫的关心是可以理解的。

又过了一会儿，医生再次进入房间来要螺丝刀。该名男子的担忧增长，并开始踱步转圈子。

然后，过了一会儿，医生冲出门尖叫着要锤子，这时，丈夫吓坏了，跑到外科医生那儿问“医生，我的妻子到底怎么了？”

“我不知道，” 医生慌张地回答，“我打不开我那该死的袋子。”

2 预后

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

男子告诉他的医生说，他不能够象以前一样做一切有关他房子的事情。当检查完毕，他说，“现在，医生，我能挺住。用简单的英语告诉我我怎么了。”

“好，用简单的英语，”医生回答说：“你只是懒惰。”

“好吧，”那人说。“现在给我医学术语，所以我可以告诉我的妻子。”

3 小约翰尼的预后

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."

"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

一位年轻的母亲在和医生进行咨询。当他们说话的时候，可以清楚地听到她的小约翰尼恐吓在等候室的人 - 但她并没有试图制止他。

不久，他们听到隔壁房间里的一些铿锵作响，但她还是什么也没做。最后，一个很大的一声巨响后，该女子漫不经心地告诉医生，“我希望你不介意我的小约翰尼在那里玩。”

“不，一点也不，”医生从容地说。“我敢肯定，当他发现了毒药，他会冷静下来。”

4 激动时刻

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

在一个异常心理课上，教师将介绍躁狂抑郁症的主题。

教师问：“你怎么诊断一个来回走动，用最高的声音尖叫一分钟，然后坐在椅子上控制不住地哭泣的病人？”

一名年轻男子在后面举起手，并认真地建议，“一个篮球教练？”

5 罗孚砖

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a dog leash. He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says, ''Hello, sir, I like your dog!''

The man looks at the brick, then the policeman, and says, ''It's not a dog, it's a brick.''

The policeman replies, ''Oh, sorry, I thought you were a bit mad,'' and walks off rather puzzled.

As the policeman goes out of sight, the man turns to the brick and says, ''That fooled him, didn't it Rover?''

一名警察走在路上时，看到一名男子用拴狗皮带系着一块砖。他决定去逗逗他。他走向那人，说，“你好，先生，我很喜欢你的狗！”

该名男子看着砖，然后转向警察，说，“这不是一只狗，它是一块砖。”

警察回答，“哦，对不起，我以为你有点发疯了。”然后颇为不解地走开。

当警察淡出人们的视线后，该男子转身对砖说，“这愚弄了他，是不是，罗孚？”

6 生病的丈夫

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was very sick, so the wife took him to the hospital and the doctor checked him out. Then the doctor asked the wife to come into his office so they could talk about what was wrong with her husband.

He explained that, if she wanted her husband to live, she would have to pamper him, wait on him hand and foot, and not challenge him or argue with him -- her husband needed absolute rest and no stress whatsoever. However, if her husband did any work or moved around much or got upset about anything, he would die. The doctor asked if she understood these conditions, and the wife assured him that she did.

When the wife came out, the husband asked her, “so what is the matter with me? Am I going to die?” And the wife said, “Yes, honey, I'm afraid you're going to die.”

有一个丈夫和一个妻子。丈夫病得很重，所以妻子把他送到医院，医生做了检查。然后医生让妻子来到他的办公室，以便他们可以谈论她的丈夫的情况。

他解释说，如果她想让她的丈夫活着，她将不得不纵容他，特别好地照顾他，不能与他争辩或挑战 - 她的丈夫需要绝对的休息，也不能有任何压力。但是，如果她的丈夫做了什么工作或移动太多或生了气了，他会死的。医生问她是否了解这些情况，妻子向他保证，她能做到。

当妻子出来了，丈夫问她，“那么，我是怎么回事？难道我就要死了吗？”老婆说：“是的，亲爱的，恐怕你会死的。”

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